We love each other but we can't be together

    • We love each other but we can't be together

      I really need some advices, please this is killing me and making me cry every single day :(
      I'm 17 years old, in second year of high school, where I met the love of my life. In the first day of high school we became friends and through these two years did we become best friends. And unfortunatily I fell in love with him a month after we became friends. After a year in the summer vacation he confessed to me that he had always loved me and we hugged with a broken heart that we know we will never be together :( He is a christian and I'm a muslim girl, and if anybody is in doubt a muslim girl can't marry somebody who is not muslim. He have kept our relationship secretly without anybody knows about it, in school we do still act as best friends. But what nobody knows is that we both are dying inside. There has been many momments where we kiss and both begin crying because we both know that this will never last. Recently has he been trying to make me become christian by showing me many videos on youtube of how terrible islam is etc, and this is annoying me, when I told him to respect my religion he was angry and called me selfish. But am I really selfish? I don't know what to do, my religion and him are the biggest part of me, I can't let go of any of them... I don't know what to do? :( he say the same as well.. I'm really sick of crying and hating my life, I wish I never met him ;(

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      you're only 17, stop worrying about marriage. this is the 21st century and in a few years you never know how much more open minded you or him may become. him being a dick and trying to put you down for your what you believe in is a whole different story, and you need to put your foot down on that one. just bitch at him so he stops being an asshole because you girls are good that

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      How strictly do your parents follow your religion? You could always bring it up to them and see what they have to say about the issue. They may get angry though, of course, and tell you not to be friends with him. In the end though, they are your friendships, your relationships, and your life. You have to decide how much you are willing to risk by telling your parents. There is really nothing else you can do besides tell them, because if you go behind their backs and date him, then they will be angry regardless because you didn't inform them.

      You're not selfish, though. It's your religion and you choose to practice that religion. It's not really any of his business to be telling you to convert to Christianity. Of course, he is most likely frustrated and is angry that you can't be together, not angry at you directly. But still, he doesn't sound very respectful, at least in regard to that part of your story.
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    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      artizhay wrote:

      How strictly do your parents follow your religion? You could always bring it up to them and see what they have to say about the issue. They may get angry though, of course, and tell you not to be friends with him. In the end though, they are your friendships, your relationships, and your life. You have to decide how much you are willing to risk by telling your parents. There is really nothing else you can do besides tell them, because if you go behind their backs and date him, then they will be angry regardless because you didn't inform them.

      You're not selfish, though. It's your religion and you choose to practice that religion. It's not really any of his business to be telling you to convert to Christianity. Of course, he is most likely frustrated and is angry that you can't be together, not angry at you directly. But still, he doesn't sound very respectful, at least in regard to that part of your story.


      My parents are extremely strict when it comes to dating anybody who is not a muslim or just dating in general. He visited my house to "do some homework" and my parents didn't like him... if telling my parents the only choice then I got no other choice, in other words should we just give up?
      Although thank you, you made me feel better to know that i'm not selfish :')

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      Hey,

      Well I've been using this website for around a week and your post got me around to signing up. :P I'm a muslim also, so I know what you're facing w.r.t your parent's. However I'm a guy so I have it a bit easier. Ok I'm not like uber religious, but I think you did the right thing when he tried to show you the videos on youtube. Think about it. If you decide to convert to christianity simply for the SAKE of this guy, then I'm sure everyone can agree that; that would be a bad reason. Second of all, Imagine what would happen with you and your parents. You know how strict they get. I'm pretty sure that if you converted they might take some pretty drastic actions. But no, there is light at the end of the tunnel! My friend's cousin recently got married to a white guy, who converted to Islam. So if he truly loves you, you should ask him to convert. Because things would be not as bad for him as they would be for you if you decided to do that. (In terms of what the muslim community/parents/relatives would do) But remember. If either of you decide to convert for the sole reason of being with the other, then in the future you'll regret it. I know this sounds pretty extreme, and no I'm not the type of muslim guy who walks around with a beard and man-burqa (I have a christian girlfriend who agreed to convert to Islam) but I told her if she's only converting for me, not to do it. So she started showing interest now and stuff. You can't forget your roots, So IMO the only reasonable option for you would be either to introduce him to your religion, or walk away. Because if one of guys doesn't convert to the others religion, things will be VERY bad in the future. Believe me, I have plenty of examples irl. If you want to talk about this in-depth just pm me.

      Ciao

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      khatem wrote:

      My parents are extremely strict when it comes to dating anybody who is not a muslim or just dating in general. He visited my house to "do some homework" and my parents didn't like him... if telling my parents the only choice then I got no other choice, in other words should we just give up?
      Although thank you, you made me feel better to know that i'm not selfish :')


      It's unfortunately that you're in this situation, but seems like there isn't a way around it. I would just be glad that you can still see him as a friend. If he is important to you and you to him, you'll respect each others differences and try to move on relationship wise, but you may still wish to be each others best friend. I think that is going to be in your best interest.

      I'm sorry that there isn't much else you can do. :(

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      niceusername92 wrote:

      Hey,

      Well I've been using this website for around a week and your post got me around to signing up. :P I'm a muslim also, so I know what you're facing w.r.t your parent's. However I'm a guy so I have it a bit easier. Ok I'm not like uber religious, but I think you did the right thing when he tried to show you the videos on youtube. Think about it. If you decide to convert to christianity simply for the SAKE of this guy, then I'm sure everyone can agree that; that would be a bad reason. Second of all, Imagine what would happen with you and your parents. You know how strict they get. I'm pretty sure that if you converted they might take some pretty drastic actions. But no, there is light at the end of the tunnel! My friend's cousin recently got married to a white guy, who converted to Islam. So if he truly loves you, you should ask him to convert. Because things would be not as bad for him as they would be for you if you decided to do that. (In terms of what the muslim community/parents/relatives would do) But remember. If either of you decide to convert for the sole reason of being with the other, then in the future you'll regret it. I know this sounds pretty extreme, and no I'm not the type of muslim guy who walks around with a beard and man-burqa (I have a christian girlfriend who agreed to convert to Islam) but I told her if she's only converting for me, not to do it. So she started showing interest now and stuff. You can't forget your roots, So IMO the only reasonable option for you would be either to introduce him to your religion, or walk away. Because if one of guys doesn't convert to the others religion, things will be VERY bad in the future. Believe me, I have plenty of examples irl. If you want to talk about this in-depth just pm me.

      Ciao


      Wow thank goodness I found someone who know what I'm going through as a muslim girl. So glad to read this! He is not a white christian though, he's christian iraqi .. we both come from the same country :) it's hard for him to confess as well, you know how strict middle east people are in general.... Have you got examples of how bad things will be in the future if none of us convert? :confused:

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      FallenAngel wrote:

      Just because things wouldn't be as bad for him, doesn't mean he should convert. People should make their own choices for things like this.



      I mentioned that in my great wall of text. Also said that if either one decides to convert for the sole purpose of being with the other, then that's a bad idea.


      @Khatem

      Well that makes your case even easier, if you guys are from the same country. My gf is white, and I faced a lot of criticism from my parents/every single one of my relatives, and made sure that they realized I couldn't care less what they thought. Anywho enough of the nostalgia. Well, there is this doctor who lives near us, he's a muslim he married a christian lady, neither of them converted, and they had a son. Both of them wanted the son to follow their religion so they ended up getting a really messy divorce, which is still currently going on in terms of settlement. Another example, A really nice muslim guy got married to a hindu, with neither of them converting. They faced SUCH harsh criticism etc. from their parents that he ended up killing himself and his wife. I'm sure many people over here wont understand the extent of how 'family-oriented' middle-eastern families are but that's the way it is. They stick their noses in everything, and unless you cut off contact with them they'll eat you alive. Khatem, I feel like an asshole saying this, but I mean, you have to be mature and think about the consequences that this could cause in the future. Unless one of isn't willing to make a sacrifice, you should break up with him. I know it seems impossible, and you probably don't want to do it, but this would be the best decision you could make in my opinion. I mean you guys could remain friends, and stuff you don't have to cut off all contact.

      p.s. Remembered a 3rd story. Christian guy marries muslim girl. (this happened in a neighboring state) When her family found out, somehow they tricked her into 'visiting' her home country, and they never let her leave. The christian dude is my friends cousin and according to what me friend told me, her family has been literally mind-f***ing her, and they have also threatened the christian dude with death if he tries to step foot in their country.

      Extremism no?

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      khatem wrote:

      I really need some advices, please this is killing me and making me cry every single day :(
      I'm 17 years old, in second year of high school, where I met the love of my life. In the first day of high school we became friends and through these two years did we become best friends. And unfortunatily I fell in love with him a month after we became friends. After a year in the summer vacation he confessed to me that he had always loved me and we hugged with a broken heart that we know we will never be together :( He is a christian and I'm a muslim girl, and if anybody is in doubt a muslim girl can't marry somebody who is not muslim. He have kept our relationship secretly without anybody knows about it, in school we do still act as best friends. But what nobody knows is that we both are dying inside. There has been many momments where we kiss and both begin crying because we both know that this will never last. Recently has he been trying to make me become christian by showing me many videos on youtube of how terrible islam is etc, and this is annoying me, when I told him to respect my religion he was angry and called me selfish. But am I really selfish? I don't know what to do, my religion and him are the biggest part of me, I can't let go of any of them... I don't know what to do? :( he say the same as well.. I'm really sick of crying and hating my life, I wish I never met him ;(


      This is just proof oh how religion affects people's lives, in a silly and bad way. Let me give you some advice, religion is garbage. A crock of bullshit. I'm sorry for the bluntness, but it is the bottom line. Now, I know your parents may disagree with him as your boyfriend. But seriously, you are turning 18 years old. You can still keep this relationship a secret until you are 21. But don't end it cuz of shit like religion.

      You nor him, does not have to convert to any other religion. Have you not seen catholic hispanics with jewish broads? Have you not seen cristians with roman catholics? Hindu women with cristians? Come on. You are being ridiculous.

      Although, I am seeing something that reminds me of me. You said he is telling you to convert. I am assuming your friend is not dumb. He is doing that, because he wants to act like he is trying to solve the problem. That is an act. I don't know how to explain it, but it is basically if you break up with me, he will blame it on you and say this, hey, I tried to convert you and YOU DID NOT WANT TO. I guarantee you that is what he is doing. He wants to leave the relationship like the victim and good guy.

      So, in conclusion, fuck him. He is not worth it. No TRUE GUY is gonna try to convert you to be with him. He is not what you deserve.

      Also, don't think cuz he cried, that it is true tears. Believe me, I cried in front of broads to manipulate them and it worked every single time.

      ---------- Post added at 05:56 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:55 PM ----------

      By the way, I would love to see a picture of you.

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      ANTI CONDOM wrote:


      This is just proof oh how religion affects people's lives, in a silly and bad way. Let me give you some advice, religion is garbage. A crock of bullshit. I'm sorry for the bluntness, but it is the bottom line. Now, I know your parents may disagree with him as your boyfriend. But seriously, you are turning 18 years old. You can still keep this relationship a secret until you are 21. But don't end it cuz of shit like religion.

      You nor him, does not have to convert to any other religion. Have you not seen catholic hispanics with jewish broads? Have you not seen cristians with roman catholics? Hindu women with cristians? Come on. You are being ridiculous.

      Although, I am seeing something that reminds me of me. You said he is telling you to convert. I am assuming your friend is not dumb. He is doing that, because he wants to act like he is trying to solve the problem. That is an act. I don't know how to explain it, but it is basically if you break up with me, he will blame it on you and say this, hey, I tried to convert you and YOU DID NOT WANT TO. I guarantee you that is what he is doing. He wants to leave the relationship like the victim and good guy.

      So, in conclusion, fuck him. He is not worth it. No TRUE GUY is gonna try to convert you to be with him. He is not what you deserve.

      Also, don't think cuz he cried, that it is true tears. Believe me, I cried in front of broads to manipulate them and it worked every single time.

      ---------- Post added at 05:56 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:55 PM ----------

      By the way, I would love to see a picture of you.


      idk if its because of your personal experience but you're too paranoid. religious difference is a huge deal with a lot of couples, and there's much more reason to want the other person to convert besides having one thing to bring up in an argument. if you think about every single choice like its you vs your significant other and that everything is done with malicious intent then none of your relationships are going to work.

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      breakboy wrote:

      idk if its because of your personal experience but you're too paranoid. religious difference is a huge deal with a lot of couples, and there's much more reason to want the other person to convert besides having one thing to bring up in an argument. if you think about every single choice like its you vs your significant other and that everything is done with malicious intent then none of your relationships are going to work.


      By him trying to convert her to christian, and putting down her religion is worse than what anyone can do. She is entitled to believe in whatever she wants. No boyfriend should obligate their loved girl to change their beliefs. I say, he is not worth it. I speak as a guy, cuz I have manipulated many broads. And trust me, I've used that technique where I would want her to change and she says no and then I would dump her and leave her with guilt.

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      niceusername92 wrote:



      p.s. Remembered a 3rd story. Christian guy marries muslim girl. (this happened in a neighboring state) When her family found out, somehow they tricked her into 'visiting' her home country, and they never let her leave. The christian dude is my friends cousin and according to what me friend told me, her family has been literally mind-f***ing her, and they have also threatened the christian dude with death if he tries to step foot in their country.

      Extremism no?


      That scared the hell out of me, especially when I wonder if my parents would do something near it (not too extremists though) but especially my dad... I think you've really opened my eyes. I can't leave him though. But thanks...

      @ ANTI CONDOM
      So what you're saying is that he's trying to break up with me, but doesn't want to be the one with the guilt so he's blaming it on me? Did you love the girls you manipulated? I trust him though, I mean two years of an extremely close friendship isn't that enough to trust him? I've tried to talk about Islam to him, though not talking shit about Christianity and such as he did, 'cause I do respect that religion :/ wow, I'm confused.. thanks!!! I would like to ask him actually, though I do trust him. I have a picture in my profile :)

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      It's obvious that he loves you which is why he's hating so much on your religion, since it's the reason why you can't be together. He's not directly mad at you but your religion. I would have lied to my parents and said that he was muslim, and after we get married tell them that he suddenly converted to christianity again. Love can make us crazy sometimes ;) but yeah, you could maybe do that.

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      khatem wrote:

      That scared the hell out of me, especially when I wonder if my parents would do something near it (not too extremists though) but especially my dad... I think you've really opened my eyes. I can't leave him though. But thanks...

      @ ANTI CONDOM
      So what you're saying is that he's trying to break up with me, but doesn't want to be the one with the guilt so he's blaming it on me? Did you love the girls you manipulated? I trust him though, I mean two years of an extremely close friendship isn't that enough to trust him? I've tried to talk about Islam to him, though not talking shit about Christianity and such as he did, 'cause I do respect that religion :/ wow, I'm confused.. thanks!!! I would like to ask him actually, though I do trust him. I have a picture in my profile :)


      Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. Yes, I did love a couple of the broads I have been with. I have been in long term relationships. You can never trust a guy. 98 percent can't be trusted and I'm a guy. What he did talking about your religion just shows that he wants to end the relationship with you and leave you with the guilt. NOW!, if he would have said, I will pretend to be your religion until we get older and we can tell our parents the truth.....then it would seem he loves you. BUT TO SAY, CONVERT BECAUSE MUSLIM RELIGION IS BAD AND SO WE CAN BE TOGETHER, THAT IS A LOSER MOVE.

      Nitrat wrote:

      It's obvious that he loves you which is why he's hating so much on your religion, since it's the reason why you can't be together. He's not directly mad at you but your religion. I would have lied to my parents and said that he was muslim, and after we get married tell them that he suddenly converted to christianity again. Love can make us crazy sometimes ;) but yeah, you could maybe do that.


      This is ridiculous. WHY HATE ON HER RELIGION? WHY NOT HATE ON HIS RELIGION? WHY IS HIS RELIGION THE RIGHT ONE? WHY DOESN'T HE CONVERT TO BEING A MUSLIM SINCE HE LOVES HER? WHY IS HE ASKING HER TO CONVERT CHRISTIANITY TO PROVE THAT SHE LOVES HIM?

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      only one thing annoys me more than fundamentalist muslims... fundamentalist christians. if you really really love each other... you will have to find a way to either move on or get around your respective religious customs. simple as that... any other way will just prolong pain and longing
      You can stick your decomission up your ass

      Proud to be an Irish Bloodhound

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      ANTI CONDOM wrote:



      This is ridiculous. WHY HATE ON HER RELIGION? WHY NOT HATE ON HIS RELIGION? WHY IS HIS RELIGION THE RIGHT ONE? WHY DOESN'T HE CONVERT TO BEING A MUSLIM SINCE HE LOVES HER? WHY IS HE ASKING HER TO CONVERT CHRISTIANITY TO PROVE THAT SHE LOVES HIM?


      I'm not sure, but I've heard that in Islam, if you marry someone who is not a muslim, shall suffer death or something like that. It was pretty serious, while in Christianity it's totally okay if you marry someone who is not a christian... maybe not for the family, but the religion don't say anything about it. So it's actually her religion that's keeping them seperated which is why it's normal for him to get angry.
      I don't think that he'll break up if he cries and take it so seriously. You guys have been best friends in two years which is enough to care about you and love you. So yeah, I'd stick to my previoius advice to pretend that he's a muslim and just get married.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Nitrat ().

    • Re: We love each other but we can't be together

      khatem wrote:

      My parents are extremely strict when it comes to dating anybody who is not a muslim or just dating in general. He visited my house to "do some homework" and my parents didn't like him... if telling my parents the only choice then I got no other choice, in other words should we just give up?
      Although thank you, you made me feel better to know that i'm not selfish :')


      your not being selfish. as of your parents, i understand that they too are being the orthodox type like 99% other parents are. lets leave them for a while.

      what concerns me is that if you both love each other, then i so do not think religion should be an issue, specially the convertion. im a muslim myself by tradition.... as in i come from a muslim family. and i've seen muslims marrying christians, hindus and so on. without converting. their kids learn about both religion and are free to choose what they wish to follow. which i really think is a very good thing. above all, what are religions for? for the peace of mind and for following a RIGHT path of life.... im sure NO religion in this world are MEANT to take you in the WRONG or BAD path, or ask you to do bad things like lie, kill people, be greedy and you konw what else.

      but a respect for religion has to be there. no religion should criticize one another. all are meant for one simple purpose. peace and prosperity. yes, there are different ways in gaining them but the result is pretty much the same. its kindda like 2+2 = 4 and 2x2 = 4. thats what i think.

      i so do not see a single fault in you about this relationship. you have the very right to keep your religion ( BELIEF ). if your bf is really forcing you to convert then he is probably not the guy for you. i know this sounds harsh but thats the truth. if you BOTH think you guys could still carry it together without religion being the issue then i think you should continue. else break it dear.

      lets assume you are strong enough to pull this out for yourself. but the question remains that is he strong enough too? because a relationship cant foster from one side only. it has to be equal from both sides.

      even if he loves you so much and if its the religion thats he is afraid of you guys not getting together and thus is forcing you to convert, you should confront him that he should be strong enough to accept it. else its not going to work. besides im sure you too wont want to be with someone who is not strong enough to respect you and your religion and fears about its outcome. he knew that you are a muslim before starting the relationship, right? so why did he jump in it then as its such a bad religion... terrorists' religion and so on. this is bullcrap.

      to be true, the outcomes are quite pretty much expected. there will be people who will point fingures at you ( this shyt shouldnt matter as long as you two can pull yourselves out ). so both of you should be strong enough to face this.

      and as of the parents, they are probably fearing that this isnt a good idea because it wont work well, which is also kindda true in most of the cases. so they are only being protective. you can always explain them how much you love each other and still respect each others' religion. i think they will understand. as long as you two show true love and care for each other and respect towards each others religion, and show ways of pulling the relationship well this way.

      The post was edited 2 times, last by Ashique ().