I'm sharing this from the heart, I know it's long & detailed but this is the situation I'm in.
So about two weeks ago, I broke up w/ the girl of my dreams, the most beautiful, caring girl I had ever met. We had been together for 10 months & she was completely in love w/ me, & I was in love with her, she would've given me the world if she could. She basically lived in my dormroom at college & gave me everything a man could ever want & more. She always said I want to be with you forever, I love you & I felt the same way. I truly love her, & I broke up w/ her for no reason, I am so stupid, I threw the love of my life & my best friend away like a piece of trash, for no reason.
Almost immediately after, I realized my terrible mistake, after a week & a half of talking & her crying to me & me telling her I love her & want to be with her, we got back together.(I never did anything w/ anything else despite calls & texts from about 4 other girls when I became single asking me hey wanna come over, hey I need someone to share my bed with ;-)) etc, I turned them all down, I just wanted the girl of my dreams back.
A few days after we got back together, I go to the store around 2:00pm & get her a dozen red roses, write her a note, get her chocolates, I wanted to prove to her so much that I would treat her the best again, that I wanted her to be my girlfriend.
Things between us were still on the outs but they were getting better, or so I thought. That day around 4:00pm, her friend called me & said "I know she's my friend but there's something you should know..."
Her friend proceeded to tell me that the night before she had gotten drunk & cheated on me, & did stuff with another kid, after drinking. I went to confront her & she had hickeys on her neck. She admitted doing stuff, I told her we are done, absolutely done. I was so enraged, but I kept cool on the outside as best I could.
Last night, I found out from the same friend that she had done stupid stuff w/ this kid again. I texted her & told her it's disgusting that she's whoring around & the hickeys were disgusting & I loved her & expected more from her & how could she do this. Next thing I know her best friend calls me & tells me she's flipping out & crying, balling her eyes out, doesn't know what to do.
I've been given everything a man could ever want in life & honestly I've thrown it all away.
I feel worthless, I've squandered the gifts God's given me & used them for my own gain. I've hurt people, many people in the process. Everyone thinks I'm this nice genuine person, but I always do things like this, I build those around me in life up then I tear them down & throw them away like garbage. People are like dude you're so lucky, but I use it & abuse it senselessly, I crush the people close to me all 2 often.
I feel like a complete asshole, a terrible person, & I've lost the girl I love w/ all my heart forever & hurt her in the process.
I did this to the girl I dated before her. She tried so hard, another beautiful, gorgeous, amazing girl, & I pushed her away, over & over again for years until there was nothing left.
Had I never met the girl of my dreams, I could've never hurt her. She would truly be better off, her life would be better.
I could barely even get out of bed today, I've had a knot in my stomach for two weeks, my friends care but don't realize. I'm feeling like a complete asshole, I screwed it up, just like I screw everything up. I'm not sure what to do, I've never posted on a forum like this I'm not sure what to expect but thanks in advance for any advice, anything. You can just tell me I'm a complete failure & that will be very accurate & much appreciated.
So about two weeks ago, I broke up w/ the girl of my dreams, the most beautiful, caring girl I had ever met. We had been together for 10 months & she was completely in love w/ me, & I was in love with her, she would've given me the world if she could. She basically lived in my dormroom at college & gave me everything a man could ever want & more. She always said I want to be with you forever, I love you & I felt the same way. I truly love her, & I broke up w/ her for no reason, I am so stupid, I threw the love of my life & my best friend away like a piece of trash, for no reason.
Almost immediately after, I realized my terrible mistake, after a week & a half of talking & her crying to me & me telling her I love her & want to be with her, we got back together.(I never did anything w/ anything else despite calls & texts from about 4 other girls when I became single asking me hey wanna come over, hey I need someone to share my bed with ;-)) etc, I turned them all down, I just wanted the girl of my dreams back.
A few days after we got back together, I go to the store around 2:00pm & get her a dozen red roses, write her a note, get her chocolates, I wanted to prove to her so much that I would treat her the best again, that I wanted her to be my girlfriend.
Things between us were still on the outs but they were getting better, or so I thought. That day around 4:00pm, her friend called me & said "I know she's my friend but there's something you should know..."
Her friend proceeded to tell me that the night before she had gotten drunk & cheated on me, & did stuff with another kid, after drinking. I went to confront her & she had hickeys on her neck. She admitted doing stuff, I told her we are done, absolutely done. I was so enraged, but I kept cool on the outside as best I could.
Last night, I found out from the same friend that she had done stupid stuff w/ this kid again. I texted her & told her it's disgusting that she's whoring around & the hickeys were disgusting & I loved her & expected more from her & how could she do this. Next thing I know her best friend calls me & tells me she's flipping out & crying, balling her eyes out, doesn't know what to do.
I've been given everything a man could ever want in life & honestly I've thrown it all away.
I feel worthless, I've squandered the gifts God's given me & used them for my own gain. I've hurt people, many people in the process. Everyone thinks I'm this nice genuine person, but I always do things like this, I build those around me in life up then I tear them down & throw them away like garbage. People are like dude you're so lucky, but I use it & abuse it senselessly, I crush the people close to me all 2 often.
I feel like a complete asshole, a terrible person, & I've lost the girl I love w/ all my heart forever & hurt her in the process.
I did this to the girl I dated before her. She tried so hard, another beautiful, gorgeous, amazing girl, & I pushed her away, over & over again for years until there was nothing left.
Had I never met the girl of my dreams, I could've never hurt her. She would truly be better off, her life would be better.
I could barely even get out of bed today, I've had a knot in my stomach for two weeks, my friends care but don't realize. I'm feeling like a complete asshole, I screwed it up, just like I screw everything up. I'm not sure what to do, I've never posted on a forum like this I'm not sure what to expect but thanks in advance for any advice, anything. You can just tell me I'm a complete failure & that will be very accurate & much appreciated.