Losing him and my mind

    • Losing him and my mind

      So I've known I'm bisexual for a few years now but I've only told one person, but I haven't even told my best friend. I'm afraid because I'm in a conservative area and he's said he hates anything gay. I'm completely in love with him and we are closer than anybody i know, and we've even experimented numerous times. But he's also said he would never like me, but idk sometimes it seems like he's bicurious. Now he found out that the girl he has liked since freshman year (we're seniors) likes him and they're probably going to go out. I have no idea what to do and it tortures me to think about him with her. Idk what to do :(

    • Re: Losing him and my mind

      I think you should tell him you are bisexual, even though he doesn't like you in that way, it would make you feel better if you told him. He obviously isn't completely against gays if he has experimented with you.
      [FONT="System"][SIZE="4"]I find it funny that thing that built me up,
      is the same thing that broke me down.[/SIZE][/FONT]

    • Re: Losing him and my mind

      I'll tell you what I think about it. But first, I'll remind you that even though your emotions are conflicted, look at this situation from a logical standpoint. Let yourself see the likely truth, not what you would like to be the truth. (if you get what i mean)

      Okay,
      - I'm not going to tell you not to tell him. You want to tell him because he's your best friend and you have some sort of feelings for him, so you feel obligated to let him know the truth. Even though you know he might react badly, I assume you still want to tell him? If you don't tell him, you'll be filled with regret and 'What-ifs.'
      - If you do tell him, I would suggest not telling him that you have feelings for him. If he really is homophobic or something, that would shock him and maybe ruin the friendship. Tell him you're telling him because you feel like you're good friends and that you trust him enough to tell him.
      - It might so happen that he's using the 'I hate everything gay' thing as a defense mechanism because doesn't want to be perceived as bicurious in a conservative environment. Or it might so happen that it's not so, and he ends up going out with that girl. I don't know.

      I don't want to destroy your spirit, and I hope that this isn't doing that. I just wanted to let you know how I felt (and I don't even know how well I did that). There will be other people. If it feels difficult for you now, try to attach yourself with other friends more for now, work on developing stronger bonds with them. I don't know... I just don't want to see another person feeling sad because of complicated situations and emotions.
      [CENTER]i found jesus
      [SIZE=1]...
      in a gay bar.
      [/SIZE]      [/CENTER]

    • Re: Losing him and my mind

      adamEcstacy wrote:

      I'll tell you what I think about it. But first, I'll remind you that even though your emotions are conflicted, look at this situation from a logical standpoint. Let yourself see the likely truth, not what you would like to be the truth. (if you get what i mean)

      Okay,
      - I'm not going to tell you not to tell him. You want to tell him because he's your best friend and you have some sort of feelings for him, so you feel obligated to let him know the truth. Even though you know he might react badly, I assume you still want to tell him? If you don't tell him, you'll be filled with regret and 'What-ifs.'
      - If you do tell him, I would suggest not telling him that you have feelings for him. If he really is homophobic or something, that would shock him and maybe ruin the friendship. Tell him you're telling him because you feel like you're good friends and that you trust him enough to tell him.
      - It might so happen that he's using the 'I hate everything gay' thing as a defense mechanism because doesn't want to be perceived as bicurious in a conservative environment. Or it might so happen that it's not so, and he ends up going out with that girl. I don't know.

      I don't want to destroy your spirit, and I hope that this isn't doing that. I just wanted to let you know how I felt (and I don't even know how well I did that). There will be other people. If it feels difficult for you now, try to attach yourself with other friends more for now, work on developing stronger bonds with them. I don't know... I just don't want to see another person feeling sad because of complicated situations and emotions.

      That.
      [FONT="System"][SIZE="4"]I find it funny that thing that built me up,
      is the same thing that broke me down.[/SIZE][/FONT]

    • Re: Losing him and my mind

      Thanks for the advice it really does help to hear it. I really do try and look at it logically to decide if he's bi or not, I don't want my feelings to convince me of a lie. But also I've told some people who have good gaydars about him and what we've done and they seem to think he's bi at least. I do believe that even if he was bi and managed to admit it he still wouldn't let himself date a guy. I do feel like I need to tell him because I hate faking it around him but then I'm afraid things will get awkward... We wrestle alot and give massages and do the whole "fake gay" thing guys and it's fun-- not for sexual reasons, I just like to do those things with him-- but if he thinks it could turn me on he might back off and everything gets awkward. I've been trying to strengthen other friendships lately so that I'd have fallbacks and I've even considered getting a girlfriend myself. There are a few problems though: 1. Nobody makes me feel like he does when we hang out. 2. I like a few girls as really good friends and I have small crushes on them, but I'm really apathetic towards having a relationship with them and I'm afraid of hurting them by not being a real boyfriend to them

    • Re: Losing him and my mind

      It's kinda difficult to move on when you're crushing on your best friend who spends the night 3-4 times a week, sometimes experiments with you, and always talks to you and stuff... I know I need to but it's gonna be freaking hard lol. College will make it easier to move on... But also it sucks because where I live there's either no gay/bi guys, or they are but they'll never say it, or they are but they are completely flaming and not my type at all... He'd be perfect :/

    • Re: Losing him and my mind

      There's only a little bit that I can say to help with making it not awkward afterward, or maybe at least less awkward. You will probably have to give him some space after coming out to him, because suddenly learning that a friend is bi or gay is major. He'll definitely need time to think about it.

      - When you talk and come out to him, I really the conversation you have to mean something and have an impact. After you tell him that you're doing this because you trust him, let it become an open forum for discussion. Ask him if what he's just found out bothers him. Ask him if he has any questions about you or the way you are. It might make it less awkward between you two if he is able to understand your perspective if questions are asked and such. He might ask you what made you realize you're bi, or if you're saying it because you like him, or if you're sure, do your parents know, etc., and you should be as honest as you can. Let yourself pour out when you talk to him.

      I don't know what else to say anymore again, I'm sorry. I'm trying to help.
      [CENTER]i found jesus
      [SIZE=1]...
      in a gay bar.
      [/SIZE]      [/CENTER]

    • Re: Losing him and my mind

      You should tell him, but you should also get over him if he is a good friend he'll understand and talk about it ,or just ignore it and continue your friendship, or he might also open to you. At first it be weird for both if he nows that info, but he'll probably understand it. Just don't tell him about your crush and everything will probably be fine. You should also look around your school, maybe there is someone else who might be gay/bi and your type.