My mom found out I'm not a virgin in the worst possible way.

    • My mom found out I'm not a virgin in the worst possible way.

      I'm 17. I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, and we've started having sex just a month ago. My mom has told me several times that I was not to bring my bf home when my parents aren't home.
      I bring my boyfriend home during our free periods when my parents are at work to have sex. We are cautious to not leave any evidence behind. We take the used condoms, etc and put them in a plastic bag and dispose of it in a garbage can outside my house.
      Today we did the same and put all the 'used stuff' in a plastic bag to dispose. But for some reason, both of us did not remember to take it outside. So when my mom came home from work today she saw... yup.
      It wasn't like she never suspected that I am doing those things with my bf. But its just that she's the type of parent that respects her child's space and wont go investigating whenever she thinks something is wrong. So to throw something like that in her face would be shocking to her, not to mention traumatizing.

      She also told me to reevaluate whether or not I should be having sex with him as 'you know that there isn't a future in your relationship". I realized something - should I even be having sex with him? We both know we love each other and want to continue our relationship when we separate for college, but I too had my doubts on whether or not my relationship will last.

      I have realized how stupid I was to even put the trust between my mom and i and my bf and my mom in jeopardy by bringing my boyfriend home to have sex when my mom said i was not supposed to. Before this I could sense that there was trust between my mom and my boyfriend. Now its all gone.
      I feel absolutely horrible now.
      I don't know how I can ever make my mother trust me or have her trust my boyfriend.

      Sorry, I just needed somewhere to vent. Any opinions welcome.
      I know, I deserved it.

    • Re: My mom found out I'm not a virgin in the worst possible way.

      My boyfriend's parents and my parents have been friends since long before the two of us started going out. So when they found out we were having sex, their way of dealing with it was to sit the two of us down on the couch and the four of them together have a very long, very embarrassing, very frank discussion about it with us. That was, at least up to this point, the most embarrassing experience of my life. So look at it this way... it could be worse :)

      And yeah, you weren't very smart about this. I understand you did this with the expectation that you weren't going to get caught, but who ever is in a situation like this? As hard as it is going to be, I think you and your boyfriend need to apologize to your mom together. That's going to suck for you, it's going to suck even worse for him, but the two of you are going to have to start rebuilding trust with your mom all over again. And I also agree with her, if you don't see any kind of future with the two of you, then you definitely shouldn't be having sex with him. Maybe you need to give this a lot of thought before continuing.

    • Re: My mom found out I'm not a virgin in the worst possible way.

      ivaiva wrote:

      She should be glad you use protection. I think it's unrealistic to expect from 17 yo girl in meidum long relationship not to have sex.
      Don't feel horrible. Better you brought him home then that you had sex is some park or public toilets.


      She was glad I used protection, but I am just so upset that I have disappointed and shocked her like that.
      I know some people who do have sex in public toilets, and I never want to resort to that. But right now I don't know where I'd have sex with my bf anymore, or if I really should have sex with him anymore.

      ---------- Post added at 09:12 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:09 PM ----------

      Jenna wrote:

      My boyfriend's parents and my parents have been friends since long before the two of us started going out. So when they found out we were having sex, their way of dealing with it was to sit the two of us down on the couch and the four of them together have a very long, very embarrassing, very frank discussion about it with us. That was, at least up to this point, the most embarrassing experience of my life. So look at it this way... it could be worse :)

      And yeah, you weren't very smart about this. I understand you did this with the expectation that you weren't going to get caught, but who ever is in a situation like this? As hard as it is going to be, I think you and your boyfriend need to apologize to your mom together. That's going to suck for you, it's going to suck even worse for him, but the two of you are going to have to start rebuilding trust with your mom all over again. And I also agree with her, if you don't see any kind of future with the two of you, then you definitely shouldn't be having sex with him. Maybe you need to give this a lot of thought before continuing.


      Thank you so much. I definitely feel the need to apologize to my mother, but I just don't know when or how I should do it.

    • Re: My mom found out I'm not a virgin in the worst possible way.

      That seems a little silly, I got caught the same way (definitely not the worst way, just sayin')
      and I just said sorry, and kept on doing my thing, kind of a dick move... but I was making love, and I definitely had opportunities to make war... so whatever. I was (am) younger then you were too, and my girl was younger than me, it's not all that big of a deal, and really if you want to have sex and you're being safe, you shouldn't question yourself so easily IMO.
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    • Re: My mom found out I'm not a virgin in the worst possible way.

      dusk wrote:

      That seems a little silly, I got caught the same way (definitely not the worst way, just sayin')
      and I just said sorry, and kept on doing my thing, kind of a dick move... but I was making love, and I definitely had opportunities to make war... so whatever. I was (am) younger then you were too, and my girl was younger than me, it's not all that big of a deal, and really if you want to have sex and you're being safe, you shouldn't question yourself so easily IMO.


      Thank you :)

    • Re: My mom found out I'm not a virgin in the worst possible way.

      at least you got it over with quick and easy. i am 21 and my mom still doesn't know that i'm having sex. i was with a guy for 2 years and she would still believe me that we weren't but i didn't have the heart to tell her and it drives me nuts all the time with guilt since we are so close.

    • Re: My mom found out I'm not a virgin in the worst possible way.

      Well you are 17 and have been together for a long time so theres nothing wrong with having sex.

      I was with my boyfriend for a month before we started having sex and we have been together for 10 now! We were both virgins. I havent told my mother to her face i am having sex but she knows i am doing it. She just told me to use protection (which i feel bad about because we never do..)

      I agree its a bad way to find out about your daughter having sex but at least you used condoms and were safe! Your mum will get over it, shes just being a mum and protecting you. You have to grow up someday.

      If you continue to have sex then so be it, sex is natural and normal for everyone. If you break up you break up just take it as your first experience and move on.
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