So, I found out very recently that I'm :gay:. I've know for a long time that my dad isn't very fond of gays, because he complains all the time about it and also because he won't let my best friend in the house anymore, who is gay (and apparently my boyfriend now :P) . . . He's one of those awful religious types that think being gay is unnatural and gross. I'm not one to pretend to be someone I'm not, so I told him I'm gay right away after I was sure. He actually took it a lot better than I thought (meaning, he didn't immediately call a priest and demand an exorsism to help his poor son) but he seems to think I'm going through a faze . . . he keeps telling me that I'm too young to know what I want and I should just keep dating girls and I'll get over this eventually. It really bothers me because he can't even get over his homophobia for his own son. I really want him to accept me the way I am, or at least try to hide his disgust just a little while he's around me. I don't want him to hate me, but I don't really know how to make him see that this is who I am and who I'll always be. Any suggestions?
Dad hates gays :(
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I think this is the best advice your ever gonna get, I found this video a while ago, and it is damn good:
[ame='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MF_pjhBkBHc']YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.[/ame][CENTER] [/CENTER] -
You need to sit your dad down and have a talk with him. Explain to him that you're the same person you've always been, and that knowing that about you , isn't going to change you at all. You're not a different person. you're still the son he has always had, and he's going to have to accept it. He might just be shocked right now. But eventually you'll need to sit with him and have a talk. There's no reason you should be feeling uncomfortable with the person you are.
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It's been two years, and my father's still not used to it. It's like, you can't change the way a man has thought for forty or so years about this, when they've had so many years of reinforcement, if you know what I mean. That doesn't mean there isn't a chance that he'll accept you eventually, but it will just take time, a lot of time.[CENTER]i found jesus
[SIZE=1]...
in a gay bar.
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Agree with sharxbyte for the most part. You really should talk seriously with your dad after giving him some time to cool off. It is even possible that it is a phase, but your father should accept you regardless. Just act normally and he'll see that you are the same
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Sharxbyte wrote:
I believe that practicing and flaunting homosexuality is wrong
...says the lover of teh delicious loli.
You might want to re-examine your views there, and maybe you’ll realize that you’re not exactly in the best position to be preaching to others about what’s right and wrong. Unlike an adult male having sex with a young girl, there is nothing harmful about two consenting adult males who love one another having sex. As a mostly gay bi guy, I can act on my attractions all I want, it’s perfectly healthy. There’s a reason why homosexuality is gradually gaining acceptance, while pedophilia is not. It doesn’t matter whether the individual is acting on those urges or not, the fact remains that there is absolutely nothing healthy or positive about someone wanting sex with a young child.
Sharxbyte wrote:
If anything I hate the attitude that many of them have that they deserve more attention than the rest of us, by flaunting their sex at kids and telling them that its normal.
Them them them they they they. Overgeneralisation as always. Just because homosexuality isn’t the majority does not mean that it’s abnormal. Nor do most homosexuals “flaunt their sex at kids” (I think you meant “sexual orientation?”) Most just want to be able to lead normal lives with the people they love, and the judgmental bigots to leave them the fuck alone. It is normal, deal with it.
Sharxbyte wrote:
It is a defect, even if it is not treated as such
Sweeeet, sweeeet irony. Any more of this sweetness and I’m going into a diabetic coma.
Sharxbyte wrote:
…for the simple reason that humans would cease to exist if there were no "straight" people, whereas the converse is not true.
The “hurr we might go exctiiiiiinkt durrrr” argument is one of the single most overused, ridiculous, unfounded “bullet-points” that the Moral Orels use when decrying homosexuality.
Sharxbyte wrote:
In short, while its not normal, and I personally believe that practicing homosexuality is wrong, I also believe that its your choice to do what you want, and I won't personally judge you for it
That statement is an oxymoron. You’re already judging others when you say you find their lifestyle abnormal and wrong.
Sharxbyte wrote:
(and yes I believe that gay people can go to heaven)
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Deadmau5 wrote:
...says the lover of teh delicious loli.
You might want to re-examine your views there, and maybe you’ll realize that you’re not exactly in the best position to be preaching to others about what’s right and wrong. Unlike an adult male having sex with a young girl, there is nothing harmful about two consenting adult males who love one another having sex. As a mostly gay bi guy, I can act on my attractions all I want, it’s perfectly healthy. There’s a reason why homosexuality is gradually gaining acceptance, while pedophilia is not. It doesn’t matter whether the individual is acting on those urges or not, the fact remains that there is absolutely nothing healthy or positive about someone wanting sex with a young child.
I don't believe I ever said there was anything right, positive, good or any other variation of the term, about being attracted to little girls(Thats kinda the whole reason I choose not to take part... It IS really sick and wrong.)... I also never said that there is anything harmful with two(or more) adults having consensual homosexual sex with one another. Acting on sexual attractions is only human. I simply stated that I believe that it is unnatural and wrong.(if it were natural then why is there more than one gender, and/or why is everyone not equipped with both genitals?
Deadmau5 wrote:
Them them them they they they. Overgeneralisation as always. Just because homosexuality isn’t the majority does not mean that it’s abnormal. Nor do most homosexuals “flaunt their sex at kids” (I think you meant “sexual orientation?”) Most just want to be able to lead normal lives with the people they love, and the judgmental bigots to leave them the fuck alone. It is normal, deal with it.
abnormal by definition is "minority". so technically speaking you are wrong. No, most homosexuals don't flaunt. I don't believe I said that anywhere. I was simply talking about the ones who insist on going into fifth grade classes and blatantly talking about BOTH their sexual orientation, AND sex in general. (part of that is a different story though... I don't believe that schools should have to educate kids about sex... It's the parents job.) I'm fine with leaving them alone... It's when they start to rub it in peoples faces that it becomes a problem. Heterosexual people as a rule don't go around flaunting their heterosexuality.
Deadmau5 wrote:
Sweeeet, sweeeet irony. Any more of this sweetness and I’m going into a diabetic coma.
The “hurr we might go exctiiiiiinkt durrrr” argument is one of the single most overused, ridiculous, unfounded “bullet-points” that the Moral Orels use when decrying homosexuality.
my point being that if there were no heterosexuals then you wouldn't have any children to adopt, and there would be no gay people. sure its overused, but its kinda true... duh...
Deadmau5 wrote:
That statement is an oxymoron. You’re already judging others when you say you find their lifestyle abnormal and wrong.
I might be judging their lifestyle... I judge the lifestyles of drunks, and porn stars and bad drivers too... Doesn't mean I hate the people or refuse to get along with them. I just choose to disagree with some of their practices. Everyone is bigoted some way or other. deal with it. -
deadmau5 - just so you know, me saying this doesn't mean I believe being gay is wrong, just so you don't jump to a conclusion and assume it gives you a reason to be annoyed with me.
If someone believes it is wrong, then they believe it is wrong. It is their opinion, and you can't change it. It's not something they need to 're-examine'. Accept them for their views like Alex (Sharxbyte) accepts gay people for who they are. The only difference is, he thinks it's wrong. Besides...It's not like he's going around hating or hurting homosexuals, now that would be something to get annoyed over. People having different opinions is fine. Acting on them is something else. He disagrees but it doesn't mean he's hating them, which he even said.
One thing I DO have to point out is that abnormal does not necessarily have to mean 'minority.' So by definition does that mean Hispanics, Asians etc who live in America are 'abnormal'???
Anyway this isn't even the place for a debate...it's not the point of this thread, we wanna help out the OP cause the guy's struggling to get his Dad to get over this. That's more important.
So, again, like what has been previously said, just talk to your Dad about this seriously and explain to him that you are the same person and you are who you are, and that you're hurt by how he's acting around you and that you shouldn't have to go through this because he's your Dad. -
Sharxbyte wrote:
I don't believe I ever said there was anything right, positive, good or any other variation of the term, about being attracted to little girls...
I know. I didn't say you said that.
Sharxbyte wrote:
I also never said that there is anything harmful with two(or more) adults having consensual homosexual sex with one another. Acting on sexual attractions is only human. I simply stated that I believe that it is unnatural and wrong
If it's not harming anything, why is it "wrong"?
Sharxbyte wrote:
(if it were natural then why is there more than one gender, and/or why is everyone not equipped with both genitals?
Sex/gender and sexual orientation are two completely different things.
Sharxbyte wrote:
No, most homosexuals don't flaunt. I don't believe I said that anywhere.
OK, "many." Same difference.
Sharxbyte wrote:
I was simply talking about the ones who insist on going into fifth grade classes and blatantly talking about BOTH their sexual orientation, AND sex in general.
Who fucking cares?
Sharxbyte wrote:
(part of that is a different story though... I don't believe that schools should have to educate kids about sex... It's the parents job.)
"Hey mom, can you show me how to put this condom on?"
Sharxbyte wrote:
I'm fine with leaving them alone... It's when they start to rub it in peoples faces that it becomes a problem.
That's a stupid thing to say. "They", by "rubbing it peoples faces" as you put it, just want acceptance. There's no reason why someone shouldn't be able to be who they are openly without fear of being judged.
Sharxbyte wrote:
Heterosexual people as a rule don't go around flaunting their heterosexuality.
WTF?
Sharxbyte wrote:
my point being that if there were no heterosexuals then you wouldn't have any children to adopt, and there would be no gay people. sure its overused, but its kinda true... duh...
If that's one of your reasons for believing homosexuality is wrong, that's truly sad and pathetic. I'm well aware that man+woman is the only way to reproduce, no shit. Why are we even discussing this? The issue here is you claiming homosexuality is wrong...and trying to back it up by saying that...dun DUN...only heterosexual sex leads to reproduction? Woooow. Just wow.
Sharxbyte wrote:
I might be judging their lifestyle... I judge the lifestyles of drunks, and porn stars and bad drivers too...
I'm amused at how you are equating homosexuality (which is harmless) to the same level as those who recklessly cause harm, endangerment, and take lives.
Sharxbyte wrote:
Everyone is bigoted some way or other. deal with it.
Then stop whining when people with lifestyles different from your own choose to be open about it. -
Sharxbyte wrote:
Heterosexual people as a rule don't go around flaunting their heterosexuality.
lolwut? this makes me laugh more each time I see it. You see the thing is... when a heterosexual couple kiss or hold hands or cuddle in public it's generally seen as them showing affection.
[INDENT][/INDENT]But when a gay couple in public do the same thing apparently they're "flaunting their sexuality"
Hell a straight couple can just about do anything bar have sex in public and most people will just go
[LEFT][COLOR="Black"]“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”[/COLOR][/LEFT]
[COLOR="DarkRed"][RIGHT]Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore - Just chillin' out down here at Kings Cross Station y'all! It's a bit foggy though... what's up with that?[/RIGHT][/COLOR]
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M'kay, back to the topic at hand.
1. You don't really need your father's permission. When you leave the house, you are own your own and you can do whatever you want without his consent. Although, I'm guess you are still quite young, so it may be a while until you move out.
But you probably do have a good relationship with your dad, so it kills you within to know that he does not accept you.
2. Most parents come around eventually. But because of his religion, it may cause conflict.
You need to do research on the topic of homosexuality. Try to talk to him, using the facts you learnt about homosexuality (from both a scientific and religious nature).
Perhaps when you separate the religious dogma and give unbiased facts, then you MIGHT just be able to change his mind.
But then if that does not work, just make it a non-issue and never talk about it again. As the guy in the video above said, if you stuff it down other people's throats (no pun intended), they will only dislike you more and more.
So I think just adopt a laid-back and mellow approach to the topic. Just think: "Whatever. I'm gay and it's my life." (don't tell your father that though. It will just anger him).
3. Personally, I think you should rather come out properly when you move out. Being dependent on a parent is not a great thing because they control what happens to you. So rather come out when you can support yourself. Then you are free to do as you will. I can understand it is difficult, but that is just the way it has to be. -
He may not be willing to do something like this... but if he is reasonable about it there are some great books for parents of gay children. And perhaps if he's willing get him to watch a movie like Prayers for Bobby... but he may not want to and if he doesn't don't push him to.
Also, I'm sorry if i'm out of place to ask... but i notice yo haven't mentioned anything about your mother. Is she involved in any way? A lot of the time although a mother may be just as shocked and confused as a father they see reason quite a bit easier.[LEFT][COLOR="Black"]“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”[/COLOR][/LEFT]
[COLOR="DarkRed"][RIGHT]Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore - Just chillin' out down here at Kings Cross Station y'all! It's a bit foggy though... what's up with that?[/RIGHT][/COLOR]
[CENTER][/CENTER] -
old men are stubborn. tell him you're bi so he thinks he still has a chance of having grandkids
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First of all, congrats on your first boyfriend.
Now, what I would basically do is not talk too much. He thinks it's temporary, and the best way to show him it's not, is time. If he keeps bothering you about dating girls, just say no thank you. Say it in a semi-mad, semi-indifferent tone, so he realizes you don't like when he says that and leave you alone about it. He'll get used to it eventually, just let him do his research.. -
I don't think he's his boyfriend, he said 'apparently' meaning that his Dad probably thinks he is??
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adamEcstacy wrote:
It's like, you can't change the way a man has thought for forty or so years about this, when they've had so many years of reinforcement, if you know what I mean.
That's true. My dad's felt like this since he was a kid . . . and since I guess it's not really a situation where either of us can change, I'll have to wait it out. I'd still rather he get over it sooner than later, though.
Bazinga! wrote:
Also, I'm sorry if i'm out of place to ask... but i notice yo haven't mentioned anything about your mother. Is she involved in any way? A lot of the time although a mother may be just as shocked and confused as a father they see reason quite a bit easier
My mom died a few years ago, and I miss her a lot right now. I know she would have accepted me right away and she would have been the one to reign my dad in.
I have a stepmom now, but I doubt she'll be of any help. She's literally old enough to be my sister (maybe daddy's flaunting his pedophilia? ;D) and I think she has basically the same views as my dad, or at least pretends to, to make him happy. Either way, she'll take his side.
Bazinga! wrote:
And perhaps if he's willing get him to watch a movie like Prayers for Bobby...
LOL! There's no way.
FallenAngel wrote:
I don't think he's his boyfriend, he said 'apparently' meaning that his Dad probably thinks he is??
Nope, he's my boyfriend. I said 'apparently' because it was a very unexpected thing. He was the one who "helped" me figure out that I'm gay . . . I guess he thought it would be fun to just molest me in the middle of our study session. Haha, I was literally like, "And 5x divided by ssss . . . OMG WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING MY PENIS?!" :hugs:>>> :o Douche. Whatever, I was powerless to stop him.
Thanks for all of the advice, you guys. I really like the video, Kevmo7. I think I'll try that, since I seem to be doing the exact opposite of everything the dude in the video said (oops).
XD
P.S. Deadmau5 & Sharxbyte, your conversation really amused me. The epic battle of a non-active pedophile and a mostly gay bi. We need to make a 300-type movie about this. Someone smell a grammy? -
xekaj wrote:
P.S. Deadmau5 & Sharxbyte, your conversation really amused me. The epic battle of a non-active pedophile and a mostly gay bi. We need to make a 300-type movie about this. Someone smell a grammy?
Oh, totally. :cool: -
xekaj wrote:
P.S. Deadmau5 & Sharxbyte, your conversation really amused me. The epic battle of a non-active pedophile and a mostly gay bi. We need to make a 300-type movie about this. Someone smell a grammy?
Every movie is better when RMG is in it. Imagine how awesome Milk would have been if he was in it. :o
Although I can't really say the same for Brokeback Mountain. RMG would have probably turned it into a cowboy porno (without the terrible music :wink:). -
xekaj wrote:
My mom died a few years ago, and I miss her a lot right now. I know she would have accepted me right away and she would have been the one to reign my dad in.
I have a stepmom now, but I doubt she'll be of any help. She's literally old enough to be my sister (maybe daddy's flaunting his pedophilia? ;D) and I think she has basically the same views as my dad, or at least pretends to, to make him happy. Either way, she'll take his side.
I'm sorry, that's so sad. Does your stepmom know? You said your father knows so if she doesn't is there any harm in trying? You never know, she may see reason and try to talk some sense into your father... but by the sounds of it, it's pretty unlikely.
xekaj wrote:
LOL! There's no way.
yeh, I had a feeling that this would be the answer... sigh
xekaj wrote:
Thanks for all of the advice, you guys. I really like the video, Kevmo7. I think I'll try that, since I seem to be doing the exact opposite of everything the dude in the video said (oops).
hmm- Yeh, I know it might suck but by the sounds of it the slow and easy way seems to be the only way to achieve your aims right now
Tombgeek wrote:
Every movie is better when RMG is in it. Imagine how awesome Milk would have been if he was in it. :o
Although I can't really say the same for Brokeback Mountain. RMG would have probably turned it into a cowboy porno (without the terrible music :wink:).
This made me lol
but just clearing up- are you saying that porno movies have bad music or Brokeback Mountain had bad music... I will admit the compiled soundtrack with all the country recordings was pretty bad (i don't like country music) but the OST was amazing. Gustavo Santaolalla did a fantastic job with the instrumental interludes and well deserved the Oscar he got for it.
But if you did mean pornos have bad music I totally agree... Whether RMG wouldn't include such music in Pornos however i'm too sure :p[LEFT][COLOR="Black"]“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”[/COLOR][/LEFT]
[COLOR="DarkRed"][RIGHT]Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore - Just chillin' out down here at Kings Cross Station y'all! It's a bit foggy though... what's up with that?[/RIGHT][/COLOR]
[CENTER][/CENTER] -
ok i deserved that.
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