Inseparable to Strangers (kinda long)

    • Inseparable to Strangers (kinda long)

      My friend says I’m thinking about this too much, but I just need others opinion on the matter I guess.

      I use to be best of friends with this guy name David. We we’re really close and use to stay up every night texting to at least 1 o’ clock in the morning, sometimes even to 3.

      David goes out with my other friend Melina (we actually became friends because he started dating her)

      David and me use to bond on so many levels . . . at least I thought we did. He said I was one of the few people he could trust and told me his inner convictions he has with himself, and how he confessed he didn’t think he was good enough for Melina.

      I soon realized that David had a lot of self- esteem issues and regularly blamed himself when things went wrong. I was always there for him when he needed someone to listen to, even at those crazy hours of the night when he’d call crying. He also let me know that he was there for me.

      But when he broke up with Melina, he got really depressed and closed off from people. Even so we made it through that even when no one thought we would and he eventually got back with Melina which was great

      But there was something different. His smiles seemed stiff and forced. There was this bitter undercut to his tone all the time now and his eyes were so cold. (forgive me if I sound clique like some book) after he got back with Melina, he didn’t expect any of his friends to return.

      He had pushed them all away and could not understand why someone would want to be friends with him. He even told me that one day I would leave him too.

      After graduation he stopped making an effort to show up when he was invited places. We soon stopped texting. (we picked back up on the texting but soon after his phone got cut off for not having the money to pay). I would call the house but he’d never be home. The occasional times he did tag along with Melina he’d made himself clear he was content with just Melina being there and would even wonder off alone.

      When Melina would get upset with him being anti- social one of us would go and find him. The times I did find him he said he didn’t feel comfortable around all those people . . . like they weren’t his friends.

      After all this time he was still pushing people away. (about 2 years now at this point)

      We don’t communicate anymore. The only way I could manage to hangout with him and him act normal was when we we’re alone or if he was with Melina (making me a third wheel).

      I hate to think that he was right when he said I’d eventually give up on him too and I’d leave, but I don’t know what to do. It’s not like he left me with a lot of opinions.
      . . . tramlaw ni xes gnivah ekil stI :wink:

      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    • Re: Inseparable to Strangers (kinda long)

      Well, two years isn't a phase he's going through, it's who he is. That should be obvious without saying it, but I think you need to think about this for a few minutes. It's very unlikely that there's anything you are going to do that will change this pattern that he's in. That gives you a pretty simple choice: knowing what you do about him and the direction his life is headed, is it worth your time and effort to continue being friends with him?

      I don't want you to look at it from the perspective of you abandoning him. You are NOT abandoning your friendship with him; he has long since abandoned his friendship with you. A friendship that is 100% effort on your part and no effort at all on his, isn't much of a friendship. He has made a choice that he isn't interested enough in anyone except Melina to continue on a friendship with them, and even her seems a little bit iffy at this point.

      Consider this: You are the one that is putting out all of the effort right now to be friends with him. Stop doing this. Start contributing only the same amount of effort that he is. If he calls you on the phone, then you call him once. If he invites you to go do something, then you do the same to him. But stop being the one to single-handedly prop up this relationship. If you stop working for it and he doesn't do anything to contact you... then it's him that's abandoned you, not the other way around. If he starts asking you why you aren't interested in being his friend anymore, then that's a perfect time for you to explain exactly how he has been acting and prompt a change.
    • Re: Inseparable to Strangers (kinda long)

      okay so i've taken in to account all that has happen and even in the recent days since i've posted this and i've come to terms that we are no longer friends. No matter how much it bothers me to say it - but that's just it. I know I lost a friendship and all and no one likes doing that but should it be bothering me this much?
      . . . tramlaw ni xes gnivah ekil stI :wink:

      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]