Continuous Depression

    • Continuous Depression

      I have had a continuous depression and thoughts of suicide for almost a month now. I dated this guy that I had nearly everything in common with. We dated for 13 months, and nearly a month ago, he suddenly told me he needed some time alone to think (a break). We had talked about marrige, living together, our future plans, etc. since as long as I can remember. Also, he and I were eachothers first (I would hope you know what that means). He is the only guy I have ever felt completely comfortable around. He is my best friend; I told him everything. We had only gotten in a few small arguments and one big one over something stupid. Anyway, so when this idea of a break hit me all at once, I broke down. I cried and begged him to please rethink this decision and just work things out with me, and if that didnt work... take a break. That Thursday, (this idea was on a Monday; 19 Nov), I finally just told him that I would give him time. I didnt think he was going to budge on that decision, so I just gave up. He didnt talk to me. I texted him that Sunday and asked him if he would please come over and talk to me (I hadnt seen him since 18 Nov and we had been together almost every day for a year). He hesitated, said he had things to do, and drove away from home and in the opposite direction of my house to go to town with a friend. I asked him to please come over and told him that I just wanted to talk about the situation in person... he refused.

      I called him and begged him to please just do this one thing for me... he still refused and was pretty mean to me. I picked up a friend from her home and brought her back to mine. By the time I got back home he said that we just needed to break up because of the way I acted that day. I cried all night, could barely sleep. I didnt go to school the next day.

      The next couple of days went by. I had no urge to hang out with friends, do my hair or makeup for the public, or do anything for that matter. I started falling into a depression. My friends and aquaintences (sp?) at school noticed. I had thoughts of suicide and cried every day. One night I went outside to think and my mom thought I had run away. I would cry myself to sleep every night thinking of the thought that he may never come back. I had to promise my grandmother I wouldnt do anything to hurt myself. My mom grew angry and would get mad with me if I cried. She would storm out of the house, cussing because I wouldnt stop crying. I would cry out, "I just want him to come back!"

      I have tried talking to other people since, and it hasnt worked. Ive been out with friends to keep my mind off of it. It did help the crying all day, every day, but I still cry like every other day. Im not happy with life. My happiness left with him. I put on this "mask" at school and in public so people cant see that Im dying inside from this horrid situation.

      I have texted him since. He has said that he still wants to be friends, but when I tell him Id like to hang out, play some video games together or something, he doesnt reply back. He hasnt said he misses me at all or said he still loves me since the week the situation started. Although, he did tell me that week that he still loved me, he just needed some time alone.

      I dont know what to do, where to go, how to handle this.
      I dont want to be with anyone else; he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and he knows that. Ive asked for advice but no one seems to help much. I have very few friends that I can count on.

      Please help me and give me your opinions.

      ---------- Post added at 03:53 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:49 PM ----------

      Oh! And also, we started dating my freshman (his senior) year of highschool. I am now a sophomore (very mature for my age) and he is a freshman at a local college.

    • Re: Continuous Depression

      Im terribly sorry about what happened. I can relate, my ex girlfriend did the same thing; she said she wanted a little time off, n then ended things a week later. But I think in your case, the most important thing to do is relax; don't try to text him or call him for a week or two. You never know, if you leave him alone for a little while, he may start missing you, or develop those feelings for you again. But in the meantime, you have to try not to think about him, cause that'll make it worse. I obviously don't know u or your bf, but just maybe something to think about...A good female friend of mine was dating a boy 3 yrs older(shes a sophmore, hes a senior) and they recently broke up. He decided to break up with her because he didnt want to be in college and have a gf in high school. It may sound like an INSANE reason for you two, but just maybe talk to him about if the age thing was an issue, and two might be able to vent about your problems with one another. Good Luck tho, I wish you the best!!

    • Re: Continuous Depression

      i can relate, maby not from the same perspective because i left her. but we talked it out. so i know from her that nothing hurts more, and it hurt to leave her.

      in my opinion you shouldnt try and move on from him until you can conquer ur depression. ive tried moving on while my happiness was still locked with a key only one person held and its impossible and it does screw up possible relationships that could happen. try and make close freinds, people you can trust, the answer to finding a way out of depression is to find an alternativ to what you beleive you need. for example i thought i needed medication and it almost recked my life, but freinds bought it back together. maby you should try to get close to one freind and let them share the pain so u dont have to carry it all on your own.
      promising you wouldnt hurt yourself could be a better thing to do than you thought, if you stick to your promise then it is a good way of avioding giving in to the dark part of you that wants to end it all. death may seem like the only option at times, but it never truly is, your life can always become great, even if its just by chance, it may only be a possibility but it is always a good possibility. to make your situation get better you have to think positivly.

      if your mum isnt being supportive and being horrible/hurtful towards you then, dont think about it, its possible that she doesnt know how to kope with her daughter feeling alone and depressed. i have heard from freinds that their perants freaked out, atleast she isnt being physicly abusive, if its just verbel then maby she needs your re-assurance that youll be okay. its never easy for a mother to watch their child go through pain, it cant be easy to know how to react.

      if this guy isnt replying to your texts then maby he doesnt deserve you. if he isnt willing to make the effort to stay freinds then dont use all your energy putting the effort in. when it is right and he feels that you and him can just be freinds it will work itself out. it is more than possible that he feels you need the time to get over him, or he needs time to get over you. just cause he broke up with you doesnt mean he doesnt care about you. try not to see the worst of the situation and try and see how you can benifit from it, if you get over him and become good freinds then you can be closer than most freinds, you also arnt tied to him and you can explore relationships with other people, you might find somone better.

      one last thing dont hang all your hopes on one guy, ever if its possible.

      hope i helped, im always here if u need to talk :)