I NEED ADVICE *Experiences with Homophobia*

    • I NEED ADVICE *Experiences with Homophobia*

      OK, well I'll start off by saying that I'm bi and in college. Back in my junior year of high school, I came out to a few friends and even started talking to a boy I liked. But, rumors started flying around about me and him and US as a couple and I became a target for bullying. It was nothing at first, just people saying things like faggot and other remarks like that, but then my crush got punched in the face.

      Then the same kid who punched him and a bunch of his friends decided to try and hurt me. They did. They gave me bruises all over my body and one of them got me good in the head with some really blunt. Basically I got messed up.

      So, instead of like doing something about it, I laid low until I graduated and then moved from my parents house to be closer to my college. But now because I can't really afford to live on my own and go to school anymore, I have to move back in with my parents and back into that area.

      Since all that stuff went down back then, I've been pretty withdrawn and damaged. My crush moved away too and I haven't spoken to him since and that hurt because we were really close. And like I've had trust issues and stuff like that. I'm really worried about what coming back might do. Is there anything I should do? Does someone have any advice?

    • Re: I NEED ADVICE *Experiences with Homophobia*

      I am usually against changing one's own personality but this is one of those situations thats an exception to prove the rule. In a similar situation, I at firstdid the lay low and avoid attention thing because that was just who I was. It worked for the most part but I ended up constantly anxious and afraid and just downright depressed because I was letting the proverbial them keep me in a flimsy, degraded box. So I decided to change just a little to the A-type personality a bit. I used motivational quotes and free online confidence boosting type lessons and even disney movies to boost my confidence and almost suddenly I was stronger, more confident, more outspoken. I practice tai chi out of a book at night and just generally started being a stronger person however I could. It definitely brougt me out of my comfort zone for a while but I became a better person for it. Another great side effect was the people who had been verbally and even physically abusing me steadily started leaving me alone because it became obvious that i wasn't gonna just lay down and die for their amusement. It definitely isn't the safest of choises, I ended up in a couple of very painful fights at first but the fact that I actually fought back not only gave the jerks pause but also showed other people that I was worth living so I quickly made friends who helped me out.

      The point of all this is: You could either (1) stay on the down low and try to avoid notice which won't help much if they ever do notice you, (2) go to friends and family and anyone else for help(which might be the slightly more responsible and politically correct option), or (3) you could do whatever it takes to become a stronger and more confident person. (which as I mentioned may possibly lead to some physical and emotional discomfort and even pain before yielding positive results)

      Its up to you. Maybe someone else here will come up with an even better option.
      20/M/Suquamish, WA, USA/Gay
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    • Re: I NEED ADVICE *Experiences with Homophobia*

      Oh sweetie I'm so sorry <3 No one deserves to go through that. Homophobia is wrong and those who engage in it are clearly close-minded individuals. Remember that this has to do with THEM rather than you. You did nothing wrong, but unfortunately some people 'hate' on those who are different to them. I think coming to terms with what happened might really help you. Do your parents know you're bi? How do you think they would take it if you told them? If it's going to make things uncomfortable at home I wouldn't recommend it just now, but if you think they'd understand (even if it shocks them a little) you might want to go for it. If you tell them, you can confide in them why you're feeling the way you do, and their support might help you. Alternatively you can confide in them that you're a little uneasy because of some bullying that occured a while back.
      You might wanna consider a few sessions of couselling, I'm sure there's someone in your area who can help with that. Usually at school or college there's a cousnellor that you can confide in for free, and I think telling someone who isn't gonna judge you will really help.
      Or you can try to find a LGBT youth group near you, so you can be completely honest and people will understand. I'd try to have fun with my friends and not worry too much about it. Rely on the friends you had, go out, have some fun and make new ones who will accept you for who you are :) You can do it! I doubt those bullies will contact you again but if they do you can always get them stopped by the local authorities. Good luck :D

    • Re: I NEED ADVICE *Experiences with Homophobia*

      Sorry that I haven't on here in a while to respond. I've been in the process of moving, like I mentioned, and just recently got my cable and internet installed. Anyway...

      Avacraft wrote:

      I am usually against changing one's own personality but this is one of those situations thats an exception to prove the rule. In a similar situation, I at firstdid the lay low and avoid attention thing because that was just who I was. It worked for the most part but I ended up constantly anxious and afraid and just downright depressed because I was letting the proverbial them keep me in a flimsy, degraded box. So I decided to change just a little to the A-type personality a bit. I used motivational quotes and free online confidence boosting type lessons and even disney movies to boost my confidence and almost suddenly I was stronger, more confident, more outspoken. I practice tai chi out of a book at night and just generally started being a stronger person however I could. It definitely brougt me out of my comfort zone for a while but I became a better person for it. Another great side effect was the people who had been verbally and even physically abusing me steadily started leaving me alone because it became obvious that i wasn't gonna just lay down and die for their amusement. It definitely isn't the safest of choises, I ended up in a couple of very painful fights at first but the fact that I actually fought back not only gave the jerks pause but also showed other people that I was worth living so I quickly made friends who helped me out.

      The point of all this is: You could either (1) stay on the down low and try to avoid notice which won't help much if they ever do notice you, (2) go to friends and family and anyone else for help(which might be the slightly more responsible and politically correct option), or (3) you could do whatever it takes to become a stronger and more confident person. (which as I mentioned may possibly lead to some physical and emotional discomfort and even pain before yielding positive results)

      Its up to you. Maybe someone else here will come up with an even better option.


      First of all, thank you very much for taking the time to offer some advice. You've got some really good ideas. I've been avoiding this for so long that I don't want to do it anymore. It makes me feel so isolated. Your latter two options sound far more appealing, especially turning myself into a more confident person. The few other people I've talked to about this have basically told me that it's a lack of confidence in myself that I have in myself that is really keeping me from moving on. I've actually been looking at some options to help strengthen myself such as self-help books and sites such as this where I can safely talk about issues with like-minded individuals.

      ohemgee11 wrote:

      Oh sweetie I'm so sorry <3 No one deserves to go through that. Homophobia is wrong and those who engage in it are clearly close-minded individuals. Remember that this has to do with THEM rather than you. You did nothing wrong, but unfortunately some people 'hate' on those who are different to them. I think coming to terms with what happened might really help you. Do your parents know you're bi? How do you think they would take it if you told them? If it's going to make things uncomfortable at home I wouldn't recommend it just now, but if you think they'd understand (even if it shocks them a little) you might want to go for it. If you tell them, you can confide in them why you're feeling the way you do, and their support might help you. Alternatively you can confide in them that you're a little uneasy because of some bullying that occured a while back.
      You might wanna consider a few sessions of couselling, I'm sure there's someone in your area who can help with that. Usually at school or college there's a cousnellor that you can confide in for free, and I think telling someone who isn't gonna judge you will really help.
      Or you can try to find a LGBT youth group near you, so you can be completely honest and people will understand. I'd try to have fun with my friends and not worry too much about it. Rely on the friends you had, go out, have some fun and make new ones who will accept you for who you are :) You can do it! I doubt those bullies will contact you again but if they do you can always get them stopped by the local authorities. Good luck :D


      Like I said before, thank you very much for offering some advice and kind words. You're very nice :). My parents don't know about me being bi, and neither does any other of my family members. It's better that way, trust me. As for coming to terms with what happened to me, that's actually what I've been trying to do with counseling sessions at my college like you suggested. I've been seeing this really nice counselor for a few weeks now. She was the person who showed me this website. She encouraged me to sign up and talk to a few people like me on here about my situation. And I have wanted to go to a LGBT youth group near where I live, but I've just been very scared. It just seems so PUBLIC. It's really intimidating you know? But I think if I build up my confidence more, like I mentioned before, then I'll be able to move on and surround myself with people who are friendly and want to be my friends.

      Thanks so much you guys. It really means a lot that I was able to find at least one or two people who'd be able to offer some help. I'm going to try and use it and start over fresh. Thanks!