I am deeply interested in this girl that I know in my High School, I'm so interested that it could probably be considered obsessive.

Maybe, but I don't look at it negatively, I'm not a stalker, I don't call her or text her or follow her around etcetera.

No, it's more like everytime I'm on Facebook I have to check her page for fear that she'll be in a new relationship. I remember during this past summer checking my newsfeed and seeing a clear picture of her kissing another guy, passionately, on a beach. I was extremely upset for the next month or so until the two of them broke up, when I heard I felt relieved, almost. If it's not that its . . . something else I'm expecting to find out by checking out her page.

I'd like to say we're friends, if you asked her she'd probably say that, but I don't really think so. Don't get me wrong, we've walked home together once or twice, we're on the same bus together, morning and afternoon (although we only sit together and talk on the bus ride home), we're part of the same after-school club, and we chat from time to time on Facebook (we use to chat more often but now that I talk to her on the bus a lot I avoid IM'ing her when I get her home, after all we just talked on the bus ride home, as much as I'd love to talk to her I'm not going to run the risk of annoying her when I can just talk to her at another time.

Sure, that may be friend in your eyes, but to me, a friend, a real friend, is someone you hang out with, someone whose house you've been over to and slep at and they've done the same for yours. Someone you meet up with outside of school and hang out with for more than 30 minutes at a time.

So, we're more like two people associated with each other, or something like that. That's the way I look at it, she has over 800 pivtures on her Facebook profile, of her with other girls and boys hanging out at restuarants or parties or school events etcetera. Those are her friends, you won't see me in any of those pictures.

Now you're probably wondering, "Why haven't you asked her out yet? You can ask her out on the bus ride home when your both sitting together or even better, on your walks home from school together! You can't get much more alone with a girl that isn't your friend or girlfriend than that! It's obvious that she at least likes you enough to walk home with you, IM you on Facebook and sit next to you on the Bus ride home everyday when she could just as easily sit next to someone else."

These things are true, she is single, she does like me (in a friendish kind of way, believe me if she LIKED me I would've picked up on it a LONG time ago and we'd be making out right now in one or the other's room instead of it being just me on my laptop in my room alone)

Here's what happend, in July of this past summer (before I saw that awful picture that felt like a gunshot wound to the chest) we were IMing each other on Facebook. We talked about how our summer's were and what we we're doing, she told me about her part-time job and I mentioned mine a little, then she mentioned how one of her co-workers asked her out, and she turned him down (if your out there bro, email me! We gotta talk about that shit!).

So, my affection for her started around Mid-January (Yeah if you make date comparisons you'll notice it's been a year now that this has been going on for) so by this time I was deeply interested in her, I had been wanting to ask her out in person for a while but I promise you, this bus ride home, after school club and walking home together stuff was not going on at the time, she wasn't part of the club, she got rides home from a sibling, and since she didn't go to the after-school club there wasn't nothing to walk home together from.

Anyway, It was Summer, meaning I didn't see her in person at all, we're closer now than we were then (and yet we still don't hang out outside of school, how f'd up is that!) so I was panicky, I didn't want to go through another summer of being girlfriendless so I did this:

I kind of jokingly, almost teasingly made it sound like she was . . . I don't know the word for it, but it's a kind of girl that turns down guys left and right, and doesn't go out much or on dates or stuff like that, it was a move I did mainly to both comfort myself (after all, I wouldn't feel as a shitty about not being with her if I thought she was someone that almost no one else did) to sort of set myself up for what happened next.

She told me she isn't thatkind of girl, basically, and that she does like going out (whether or not she meant dates I don't know), so I said, and I promise you this is verbatim:

"Well . . . would you ever want go do something like that with me?"

Not only is that the worst worded request to so something with someone, and I really don't think it can be considered asking someone out.

She said "Sure we can do something like that as friends". Both a horrible and amazing statement. She was telling me that we could hang out with each othet together outside of school and do something, which adds the possibility of getting close to her in her comfort zone, connecting with her and who knows? Maybe she'd give me a signal or make a move, hell maybe she wouldn't want to date but have a Summer fling or whatever! We could've been real friends or something, and had fun that summer.

So what did I suggest? Take a guess.

The Movies (Inception if you must know, I would've seen Damn Twilight, it didn't matter to me!) But I shouldn't have. I didn't think at the time, but movies aren't really a thing a guy and girl who aren't dating should do together, maybe you know a girl whose your close friend that you can go to the movies with and it not be date, but unlikely I think. Especially if it's the first thing you plan to do together! Think about it, two people alone, in a theatre together that've never hung out before, it's A GD Date!

I could've said anything, we could've gotten Pizza, I could've went to her house and watched tv with her, but no I suggested the the theatre.

At first she seemed estranged but willing to accept, but then later, of course, when I IM'd her to find out what time to go she said:

"Eh I don't know (my name) that kinda sounds like a date, and I just want to keep my friendship with you if that's alright)"

Now I'm a nice guy, but I'm also a cynical pessimistic bastard and I know that I F'd up majorly. I also know the whole "friendship" thing wasn't true I know that 99.9% girls say that to guy to be nice and avoid saying why the really don't want to go out with them, like I said we DON'T HANG OUT EVER. We COULD'VE hung out, but no.

I haven't hung out with her to this day as you already know, so I simotaneously ruined my chances of making an amazing friend and spoiled the oppurtunity to ask her out for the first time in person.

So here I am, January of Junior Year with this incredibly intelligent, dedicated, beautiful girl sitting next to me on the bus, her face not more than a foot away from mine, and having the privelage of walking her home, just the two of us, every once in a great while when she doesn't have a ride home.

I suspect the main reason she turned me down (but how could you not with that amazing question I asked?) was because of my looks. Not my like natural looks and whatnot, I mean more physically, like my build and all that, I'm not a blob or so overweight I have diabetes, I have gut, the teenag equivalent of a beer belly, except less hairy and disgusting, a lack of exercise and poor diet over the years does anything but wonders for you. I live in a very athletic enthusiast town, the majority of most student are athletic active guys that work out and have good builds, something I really don't have, I'm not skinny or fat, I'm in between, really.

It's the most common reason of them all, do you think she'd IM me (Note: She IM's ME at a random time, sometimes after 8:00 at night, suggest texting her at 2:00 in the morning when she's lying awake for some strange reason, sit volunatrily next to me on the bus those certain days and allow me to walk home with her if she DIDN'T like me as a person? I thought so.) What else is there? Really? She isn't some stuck-up cheerleader or some preppy girl that has a specific criteria, she IS single, she obviously doesn't have gripes with dating people, I mean really if the reason isn't that she isn't attracted to me physically then a proper reason does not exsist.

So, to the reason why I made this thread, I figure it might be like this, If I can drop the excess weight (I need to drop it anyway for sport reasons and just because I don't enjoy being the way I am physically), stop looking like a zombie every day and get rid of my pale complexion and get a better build, basically transforming myself intom someone more decent for her, physically (and I'll tell you she's a very fine girl physcially, she use to run track and is a kind of girl that isn't so skinny that she looks like she might have a disorder, but not an ounce of visibly body fat on her.)

Imagine the intimidation, beautiful, smart, funny, cute, friendly but not preppy, dedicated but not a stuck-up popular girl, well liked by most people and loved by her friends.

I don't really hold out much hope, to be honest, I don't, I've had absolutely no luck with women my whole life, and I doubt she'll ever want to go out with me.

But I'm not giving up until I stare her in the face and ask her out properly, I won't give up on that.

My question really is, what kind of advice can be offered to me?

Should I just forget about her and move on? (I'm not going to until she turns me down, I'm not in "love" with her if that's what your thinking, but I've never felt more strongly about someone in my whole life, but I am manly and respectful enough to hear that I should just move on with my life to different pastures, and I'm definitely respectful enough that if she turns me down to not ask her again.

Should I try now? I'm sure she forgot entirely about that chat we had over the summer, heck she's comfortable enough around me that I think if she held any kind of awkward feelings about she wouldn't walk home with me, so it's safe to assume she doesn't think about it, maybe she didn't even really consider that request an actual asking out and is in fact waiting for me to ask her out in person?

Or finally, my plan, should I just wait on it? Increase my build, drop the excess weight and basically hope that my appearance is to her liking enough that, combined with her like for me as a person, she'll be comfortable going out with me?

PLEASE tell me what you think, not to speak poorly of people I know but alot of family figures you think I should ask, I can't explain why but trust me, in this special case I would NOT consider asking them for there opinion. My friends, best friends that they are, aren't "ladies man" themselves either, and aren't trustworthy with secrets with the potential to embarass me (great friends, right?) so there out.

No, I'd rather surprise the shit out of all of them by just announcing it on Facebook and in person.

So I know I'm a little pathetic, and maybe even mornonic for typing such a long thread, but maybe that'll signify for you just how desperate for an opinion I am.

I look forward to hearing your advice and criticisms.

Best, LonelyMaleTeen

So I shouldn't ask her out with the way I currently am?

But I can ask her to hang out with me the way I currently am?

Or is it that I should wait until I'm no longer the way I am before asking to her hang out to wait until I feel comfortable enough to as her out?

Or I should wait for an advance from her when I'm no longer the way I am?

I'm already so confused and I've not even reached the relationship stage.

None taken at all, you have a good point.

It's just that it's hard for me not to get bent out of shape when I've never had a girlfriend before and I feel like I'm so close to breaking the streak while at the same time so not close.

I just get annoyed and jealous everytime I see couples in the Hallways at school, I get annoyed when my dad, step-brother or someone asks me why I don't have a girlfriend, I'm depressed and lonely. And everytime I see her I just get unhappy knowing she probably doesn't feel the same way.

So it isn't just that I'm really stuck on this girl, it's also not that I'm lonely and stuck on being single, it's both, and in heavy doses. So don't think I really need to get over her, she really is someone I like that much. It's not like if another nice seemingly attractive girl walked up to me and asked me to take her out I'd say "no", but that's not the way it works, so I have to play with the cards I'm dealt, and until I know she won't actually go out with me, I'll be left with a torturous & ambiguous question that will take a long time to get over.

I don't know how to ask her without it sounding like I want to go out with her.

She has a ton of friends that I'm sure she hangs out with a lot, so I'm reluctant to ask her if she wants to hang out for fear that she wouldn't want to, I mena I think of it like this:

She's a really smart and dedicated type of girl, she's always doing her homework for her accelerated classes and doing other out of school activites like Youth Groups and the like.

On top of this she has a part time job and told me she might find another if she can.

When she isn't any of these things, she's either doing two things, hanging out with her friends, or home by herself (or homw without hanging out with friends).

So I think she probably enjoys those few days when she isn't doing something and just gets to relax by herself, so would she want to waste her alone time by hanging out with me?

Maybe. I don't know. You can tell with my pessimistic view on things I don't take a lot of risks/chances, I really would like to hang out with her, but I cant shake the feeling she'd rather not.

I'll ask her about soon though, better to just try it and see what happens instead of worrying about it for another month.

I did read it, I just don't know if it's necessary to bring up me asking her our that one time, you say it might get that uncomfortable feeling out of the way but I'm worried it'll have the opposite effect and make her think about nothing else but me wanting to go out with her, and thus, she'll think the only reason I'm trying to be her friend or be more friendlier is so that I can soften her up to ask her out.

Which we both know isn't exactly a falsehood.

Would just saying, "Hey (her name), I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime after school, if you'd like, just as friends?"

Would that work? Or do you insist I remind her of my asking her out?

Again I won't be offended by any advice or criticisms.

So fine then, tomorrow I have the club to go to to see her, maybe we'll walk home together or maybe not, but if we don't then I'll see if I can't say anything to her about us hanging out in the near future.

Or, if we do walk home together I'll run it by her, might be easier that way, it's more isolated and personal, just hope It all goes down well.

(Sigh) well I went to the club today, after it was over I waited by my locker for a couple of minutes (she had to talk to some people about something, and we aren't good enough friends that I can openly wait for her, so I had to make an excuse by being by my locker so she's see my when she walked to the school lobby.

So she rushes past me and puts her bags down on the bench, I walked over to her and chit-chated for a quick second, then she told me she had another thing she had to stay after for today.

So no walk home today, not even time to talk with her in the lobby (likr if she was waiting for a ride home)

Ugh, maybe she'll be on the bus tomorrow, maybe.

Maybe.

And now, an amusing anecdote from 7th grade!

So there was this very pretty cheerleader that I ... I don't know how to word it, I didn't like her, y'know like want to date her (I would date her if I could because that's just who I am) but if I didn't I wouldn't care much, she was more like just a girl that I thought was really pretty, I tell my friend (because what guys don't tell their friends about girls they think are pretty at that time?)

Anyway, he was on the football team (see where this is going?) and he isn't a jock or anything so I don't think he was going to make a move on her or something like that (and he is a good friend and wouldn't try that if he could I don't think) but anyway, since he knew other fball players he thought it'd be funny to tell like every fball player he could that I liked her (which I've already told you isn't the case) and what followed was a couple of really awkward months of other jocks that knew me reminding me, shit the girl was in my Math class and so was a ton of the jocks, so one day when I was partnered with one he told me "So you like...right?" thanks God the guy wasn't a total dick and just scream it out in the classroom, one time I went to the bathroom and when I was standing at the urinal her brother was using a urinal near bye and even said "So you like my sister, right?" I told him no, but now I'm kind of curious to know what he would've said, I've seen the guy around, he's no big jock a-hole and I know he wasn't trying to bully me, so either he was joking, or he was going to try and say something to her for me, maybe? But seriously, I wonder if she ever knew, I don't think she even knows who I am. I don't care much though, I'd pick her over this girl a million times over.

And that is why I don't tell my closest friend(s) who I like, ever.

I haven't had a hard run of failed relationships or clingly girls or anything like that, I'm not looking for a wife, just a girlfriend.

But thank-you for your input nonetheless.

---------- Post added at 01:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:57 PM ----------



I don't know, I've liked her for more than a year and I think about her a lot, almost all the time unless I'm distracted by something else, I don't think it can be downgraded into just a "crush".

And regarding how long this is, I know it's a lot, I just felt like writing all of the information beforehand which would in turn make people have to ask less questions and give more advice.

Do you have actual advice to give me? Or did you just want to tell me I'm thinking way too in to it and hope for the best?

@Jenna-She was on the bus today but spent the majority of it talking to a nearbye girl about a test, I'm not upset or anything like that she wants to talk to her friends so let her. She talked to e briefly but nothing out of the ordinary, and nothing that could've led into me asking her about hanging out, she was just distracted with school, work, etcetera.

So I've still yet to ask her about this hanging out thing, but I have two questions I was hoping you could anwser, seeing as how I have time to.

Q1: You insist she remembers when I kind of asked her out, and also that I should ask her to hang out as friends first before asking her out, but isn't asking her to hang out with no strings attached majorly implying I'm in it for nothing more than friendship? I mean if she thinks that I wanted/want to go out with her still, but then ask her to hang out as friends, isn't she going to think that I just want to be her friend? Which would in turn confuse her majorly when I asked her out? She would think "So, you really were not just in it for friendship." What do you think?

Q2: The first question was the only one I really needed and anwser to, but I thought I'd throw this one in anyway, I don't really know what it is we should do if she decides we can hang out together. I mean, she isn't like me and my friends where we can play VG's and other guy stuff, so what should a guy and a girl who are just friends do when they're hanging out? Watch TV together? It just sounds kind of awkward to me, I'm up for whatever she wants to do (if she accepts), but I think If I'm the one asking her to hang out, I have to make the first suggestion as to what we should do obviously.

I mean I could just say "I don't know, what do you want to do?" But I don't know, what do you think?

Other people can anwser this too if you want.