Difficult to decide, need MANY opinions on the matter.

    • Re: Difficult to decide, need MANY opinions on the matter.

      LonelyMaleTeen wrote:



      Q1: You insist she remembers when I kind of asked her out, and also that I should ask her to hang out as friends first before asking her out, but isn't asking her to hang out with no strings attached majorly implying I'm in it for nothing more than friendship? I mean if she thinks that I wanted/want to go out with her still, but then ask her to hang out as friends, isn't she going to think that I just want to be her friend? Which would in turn confuse her majorly when I asked her out? She would think "So, you really were not just in it for friendship." What do you think?



      Well, let me reverse the question... ARE you just in it because you want to go out with her? Or would you want to be friends with her regardless of whether or not you have a chance at a relationship with her. You seem to think that she has abruptly forgotten your attempt to ask her out, most people don't forget things like that, and as much as you would like to just put that out of your mind forever, it's not going to happen. If a girl asked you out and you turned her down, do you honestly think that the there won't be that little voice in the back of you mind EVERY time you see her that doesn't say "This is ....., and she wanted to go out with me once." But the thing that you have going for you is that she doesn't care that much, she has set that awkwardness aside and moved on, I don't think you ever have.

      You think that ANY attempt to hang out with her is going to be seen as an attempt to get together with her. Seriously.... what do you think is SUPPOSED to happen in this kind of situation. When my best friend asked me out when we were just ending out sophomore year of high school, did I forever after see any attempt by him to spend time with me as a covert plan to trick me into going out with him? Of course not, that would be ridiculous. Stop thinking about it and just do it, I'm going to echo what someone else has already said; you think too damned much. It's bad to jump into a situation without thinking about it, it's equally bad to think too much about it.

      LonelyMaleTeen wrote:



      Q2: The first question was the only one I really needed and anwser to, but I thought I'd throw this one in anyway, I don't really know what it is we should do if she decides we can hang out together. I mean, she isn't like me and my friends where we can play VG's and other guy stuff, so what should a guy and a girl who are just friends do when they're hanging out? Watch TV together? It just sounds kind of awkward to me, I'm up for whatever she wants to do (if she accepts), but I think If I'm the one asking her to hang out, I have to make the first suggestion as to what we should do obviously.

      I mean I could just say "I don't know, what do you want to do?" But I don't know, what do you think?



      Why don't you tell me. You have been friends with her for a long time now, what does she do for fun? What are her interested. Think about this for a while, we have plenty of time, you won't get another chance until monday anyway.

    • Re: Difficult to decide, need MANY opinions on the matter.

      Jenna wrote:

      Well, let me reverse the question... ARE you just in it because you want to go out with her? Or would you want to be friends with her regardless of whether or not you have a chance at a relationship with her?


      *Sigh* It's a hard question. It wouldn't be so hard to anwser if I felt like I had a lot of options and I didn't like her that much, but the problem is, I do. I really do. I do want to go out with her more than I want to be just her friend, obviously, but, it's like this, if she doesn't want to go out with me, I want to be her friend, if she does want to go out with me, well then I'd be her boyfriend, you see?
      But if you're asking that I'd never speak to her again if she turned me down as a boyfriend, then the anwser is no. I wouldn't do that, I'd still want to be her friend.
      I think the dilemma is, I've already asked her out, and she knows it, just like you said.

      So the real question is, will she not want to be my friend after I''ve already asked her out twice (1st time on Facebook, 2nd time in person) or since I already asked her out once, should I just be her friend now and forget about trying to ask her out, seeing as how I've already been rejected?

      I guess my anwser is, I'm not just in it to go out with her, but I want to try going out with her before being her friend with no chance with a relationship with her. Does that make sense?


      Jenna wrote:


      Why don't you tell me. You have been friends with her for a long time now, what does she do for fun? What are her interested. Think about this for a while, we have plenty of time, you won't get another chance until monday anyway.


      Well I both know and don't know. Most of the times I talk to her online and ask her what she's doing, usually she says that she's either "Multi-tasking and doing some kind of work" or she's just, y'know, on Facebook, talking to me and other people. She likes reading, she did track for the last few years but I think she's done now, everyone watches TV, whenever I hear about her and her friends it's usually just "we hung out" or pictures of them doing just that "hanging out" or eating at some place.

      So I don't know exactly, like I said we've never hung out outside of school really so I've never really known too much about what she likes doing that isn't something you wouldn't do when hanging out with a friend.

      I don't know, watching TV together kind of sounds lazy and not really interactive, I'm sure she doesn't need it but maybe she could use someone to help her with her homework? Not that she can't do it herself, but maybe she needs someone to help her study or something like that. It's too bad we both live near each other (about a 5-7 minute walking distance) but we aslo both live at the side of town where there are practically no restuarants. We both only have permits so we can't drive somewhere and I doubt she'd want to walk 2 miles to get something to eat. I'll probably try out the homework thing or something else among those lines, or maybe we'll just talk, if people still do that.

      Jenna wrote:

      you think too damned much


      It's a curse, really. It's funny though too, because she does the same thing.

    • Re: Difficult to decide, need MANY opinions on the matter.

      LonelyMaleTeen wrote:

      I don't know, I've liked her for more than a year and I think about her a lot, almost all the time unless I'm distracted by something else, I don't think it can be downgraded into just a "crush".
      It doesn't matter how long you've liked her for if you haven't made any progress in improving your relationship with her. You still only talk to her on the bus, and everything else you said. It's a crush, and you need to stop thinking into it so much.
      Kids these days...

    • Re: Difficult to decide, need MANY opinions on the matter.

      Alright dude, I have only read the original post (solely because it's late and I have to be up early tomorrow and damn it was long [no worries]) but here is my advice/what I'm thinking.

      Personally if she is acting that way and such and saying the things you say she is saying, that she might have some feelings for you but not sure about them. Like she may like you more than a friend but that she isn't sure if she does or not. She might also be afraid to admit that she does.

      Girls always seem to worry about what others think of them (Atleast all the girls where I live do for some reason) so maybe she is afraid of what people will think of her if she ended up going out on a date with you. Not trying to break your spirits here but just saying what I am thinking.

      As far as you working out etc whatever. Do what you want, don't change yourself just for some girl to like you. I have tried that and it never works out dude. Be yourself, if you want to start working out because YOU want to change the way you look/feel then do it. If not you'll still find a girl (even maybe this girl) who will like you for the way you are.

      I would suggest asking her out on a date again. Definitely not the movies though. Coffee, ice cream, go to an arcade, anything like that works. Just keep it casual and be yourself. Make her laugh and have a good time.

      Good luck dude. I hope things work out the best for you!

    • Re: Difficult to decide, need MANY opinions on the matter.

      Sinister_kid wrote:

      Alright dude, I have only read the original post (solely because it's late and I have to be up early tomorrow and damn it was long [no worries]) but here is my advice/what I'm thinking.

      Personally if she is acting that way and such and saying the things you say she is saying, that she might have some feelings for you but not sure about them. Like she may like you more than a friend but that she isn't sure if she does or not. She might also be afraid to admit that she does.

      Girls always seem to worry about what others think of them (Atleast all the girls where I live do for some reason) so maybe she is afraid of what people will think of her if she ended up going out on a date with you. Not trying to break your spirits here but just saying what I am thinking.

      As far as you working out etc whatever. Do what you want, don't change yourself just for some girl to like you. I have tried that and it never works out dude. Be yourself, if you want to start working out because YOU want to change the way you look/feel then do it. If not you'll still find a girl (even maybe this girl) who will like you for the way you are.

      I would suggest asking her out on a date again. Definitely not the movies though. Coffee, ice cream, go to an arcade, anything like that works. Just keep it casual and be yourself. Make her laugh and have a good time.

      Good luck dude. I hope things work out the best for you!


      Thanks.

    • Re: Difficult to decide, need MANY opinions on the matter.

      This sucks, I can't get over the fact that I think she doesn't like me.

      I just don't feel like It's a possibility, there's no real evidence that I have that she doesn't, but I feel like that out of all the guy's she interacts with, I definitely don't live up to other guys she talks to or hangs out with, who appear to be smarter, popular, and better looking then me.

      I feel like it's a lost cause, like it's something that only a wish could make happen :nono:

      But I'm idiotic, and will risk embarassment to ask her out and see what happens.

    • Re: Difficult to decide, need MANY opinions on the matter.

      LonelyMaleTeen wrote:

      This sucks, I can't get over the fact that I think she doesn't like me.

      I just don't feel like It's a possibility, there's no real evidence that I have that she doesn't, but I feel like that out of all the guy's she interacts with, I definitely don't live up to other guys she talks to or hangs out with, who appear to be smarter, popular, and better looking then me.

      I feel like it's a lost cause, like it's something that only a wish could make happen :nono:

      But I'm idiotic, and will risk embarassment to ask her out and see what happens.


      Just go with the flow of life. Talk to her like you would a friend. I know how you feel about the feeling like a girl doesn't like you but not being sure.

      Just give it time and everything will work itself out dude. Even if nothing happens between you and her you should still be happy that she wants to be your friend and that you have her friendship!

    • Re: Difficult to decide, need MANY opinions on the matter.

      Well today we actually had a really good conversation on the bus ride home, the minute she got on the bus and sat next to me we talked right until she got off.

      We talked, she made me laugh, I made her laugh, she gave me a lolipop after I asked her if she was enjoying hers. I was happy, it was the highlight of my day.

      Before she left I asked her what she was doing today, and she said she was hanging out with her friends later. I even IM'd her a little while later and asked her what she and them we're doing and she said she didn't know, they probably would talk and such.

      So nothing we talked about really led me in to being able to ask her to hang out, and since I knew she'd be hanging out with her friends all afternoon (and night, maybe, I don't know).

      I guess I have to just keep waiting for the right time, hopefully we'll get some alone time one of these upcoming days, or something she says I'll be able to use to steer me towards asking her to hang out.

      Here's what I plan to say "Hey (her name), I was wondering if you ... wanted to hang out sometime, as friends (and then I'd wave my hands across each other or something to emphasize the point) and see what she says.

      I'm guessing you're idea Jenna is that if we can establish a good hanging out relationship I can one day tell her how I truly feel and see what she says?

    • Re: Difficult to decide, need MANY opinions on the matter.

      LonelyMaleTeen wrote:



      I'm guessing you're idea Jenna is that if we can establish a good hanging out relationship I can one day tell her how I truly feel and see what she says?


      That's only half of it :)

      The other half is that SHE also realizes that as you become better friends, she might be interested in something more. If she doesn't have any interest in you, then you never will be anything more than friends. But it's very possible that by getting closer to you, she might change her mind.

      When my best friend first asked me out, I was absolutely 100% positive that I DID NOT what to date him. He wasn't the kind of person I was interested in, there were other guys that I thought liked me that I just thought I was a better match with.... until the day I realized that I really DID like him. People change over time, the way she felt about you a week, a month, six month, a year ago may be different than she does now, just like the way she feels now will be different than the way she feels further on down the road.

    • Re: Difficult to decide, need MANY opinions on the matter.

      Good news, I asked her out and she said yes!

      No, that was a lie. She's in a relationship now, first thing I saw when I checked my newsfeed this morning, status was liked by 30 people filled with many comments saying "Get it in!"

      :nono:

      Well, there's no longer a need for this thread.

      I can't really express my feelings now, it's like they just broke, non-existant. Shouldn't of checked Facebook until later tonight and not let the rest of my day be like...this.

      :nono: :nono: :nono:

      It's so f*cking wrong

    • Re: Difficult to decide, need MANY opinions on the matter.

      Ok, realized a little late you posted about her having a new boyfriend.

      BUT if you find yourself in this type of situation again with a girl OR when they break up (which they will) here's what I would suggest:

      Get a group of people together to go somewhere, and invite her along "Oh we're all going paintballing this weekend, want to come with?". "Everyone's going to the ...insert local hangout here...after school, want to join?"

      If you don't have a lot of friends, ask an older brother/sister to get some friends together, and tag along. I bet if you went out with a lot of different people (Avoid bringing anyone else who might have a crush on her), she'd be more inclined to hang out with you. Try doing an activity, like a pickup game of soccer, or a bike ride, or whatever you guys are all into. Then afterwards, you guys could all go out to eat.

      Or ask her if she wants to join a club with you. Like drama club, or debate, or something that's co-ed where you can spend time together after school. You can always tell her you don't know anyone else in the club and don't want to go alone. She won't feel as threatened knowing that you'll always be around other people. Also - make sure it's something she's interested in because otherwise she won't want to go.

      If you feel like you have to change yourself for her to like you, it isn't going to work. No one falls for someone wishing they would change. If she doesn't like you the way you are it's her problem not yours. You are a good person, and shouldn't have to change for anyone but yourself. If that's what would make you happy, by all means do it. Just don't lose weight for someone else. You have to do it for your own happiness.

      I think a good way to make it feel like you're her friend and nothing more is to take the pressure off. If there's more people there, if something gets awkward or weird you can always talk to someone else.

      The post was edited 2 times, last by PinkSneakers ().