Ending last month, I could've said I had successfully STOPPED cutting myself, I was done with it. But then, as soon as it stopped I developed odd problems with knowing the fact I was done. Three weeks ago I went and bought an entire pack of razors thinking just having them around would make me stop WANTING to actually cut. Of course, this was the worst thing I could have done. Not a few days after I'd bought the razors a close friend of mine and I got into a huge fight. Thus ending a 8 year friendship I'd had with this girl.
After the fight, I resorted back to my old habit. I suppose I'll start this from day 1. Back about a year ago I first started cutting, after being introduced into the "outcast" community. My reason was to release the pain, not thinking [for some reason] that it wouldn't hurt. It'd go numb and be over. But the feeling was like an addiction. Everyday I'd slash up my wrists and ankles to feel the sweet-bitter pangs of the stinging silver. [Wow, that sounded emo.] Anyway, my friends became concerned and began to help me quit. Which worked awhile.
Shortly after I turned 14 I began to cut more. And More. AND MORE. Every single time I thought about something bad, I cut. It didn't matter if it were a clean blade, or a pair of scissors. It was all I wanted to do, and I'm not entirely sure why I did it. Everything began to feel like a "cuttable" situation. And I was totally hooked on it like a drug or something.
After awhile I broke the habit, and actually began talking to someone. BUT! Here's another problem. They live completely across the country from me, and it's a 3 day non-stop drive to see him. So I haven't seen him over anything but webcam. I mean I text him and everything, so what's to make me do this again? Ever since he told me about this "Nick" guy he's really close to, I've started cutting... deeper than before. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose him, I'm not thinking.
Does anyone have any advice on how to completely break this feeling, and stop cutting? It's not only scarring my arms, but effecting my life. My entire family is worried I'm going to end up bleeding to death, and I'm not sure how to tell them I'm hooked on it. Advice please?!
Hopefully,
Gaz
After the fight, I resorted back to my old habit. I suppose I'll start this from day 1. Back about a year ago I first started cutting, after being introduced into the "outcast" community. My reason was to release the pain, not thinking [for some reason] that it wouldn't hurt. It'd go numb and be over. But the feeling was like an addiction. Everyday I'd slash up my wrists and ankles to feel the sweet-bitter pangs of the stinging silver. [Wow, that sounded emo.] Anyway, my friends became concerned and began to help me quit. Which worked awhile.
Shortly after I turned 14 I began to cut more. And More. AND MORE. Every single time I thought about something bad, I cut. It didn't matter if it were a clean blade, or a pair of scissors. It was all I wanted to do, and I'm not entirely sure why I did it. Everything began to feel like a "cuttable" situation. And I was totally hooked on it like a drug or something.
After awhile I broke the habit, and actually began talking to someone. BUT! Here's another problem. They live completely across the country from me, and it's a 3 day non-stop drive to see him. So I haven't seen him over anything but webcam. I mean I text him and everything, so what's to make me do this again? Ever since he told me about this "Nick" guy he's really close to, I've started cutting... deeper than before. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose him, I'm not thinking.
Does anyone have any advice on how to completely break this feeling, and stop cutting? It's not only scarring my arms, but effecting my life. My entire family is worried I'm going to end up bleeding to death, and I'm not sure how to tell them I'm hooked on it. Advice please?!
Hopefully,
Gaz