I am now sure that I am not a person who can live alone!
I am getting mad. I have started to think that dying is better than living alone and I don't want to die. Ofcource duh.
Everytime I think about going back to my home town, where my parents are, I feel better. Last evening I was feeling terrible, I called my cousins and went to their home but this morning as I came back, I entered this house and I started feeling restless and sick. I started crying and kept crying. I cannot live alone. I might go back but I cannot tell anyone that I am planning to go abck or I will be stopped.
I can only go home and then tell OH I am back because I am stupid and dumb. I cannot live alone. I remember I was the only one who said, I can live alone happily. Its not like I cannot take care of myself. It is because of this place where no one lives. I have no one to talk to in this home. I know that no one will be coming here that I can wait and then talk to that person.
At home even if parents go out of station, say 1 day, I am alone? I am happy because I know that after 1 day people will come back and stay with me. But here, its no one, in near months also.
The important thing I noticed is that, as soon as I think of going back, to live with parents, my tears vanish and I have a smile. I become happy.
I find the place like a jail. Even though if anyone of you will see this place, you will think its awesome place.
I have a good PC, good internet, good, neat and clean room, 3rd floor which is warm and suitable for an Asthamatic(sp) patient like me!
What makes me cry even more is that I fighted and all said Will live alone and now I want to run away. Its hell! I am going to college today. Lets see what happens. Or I am going straight to airport and get tickets on monday. I cannot tolerate such a life.
Does anyone think that living a life like crying all day with mental stress and lonelyness can be lived?
I know that from being online, no one can help me! But can give some sympathy though.
I am getting mad. I have started to think that dying is better than living alone and I don't want to die. Ofcource duh.
Everytime I think about going back to my home town, where my parents are, I feel better. Last evening I was feeling terrible, I called my cousins and went to their home but this morning as I came back, I entered this house and I started feeling restless and sick. I started crying and kept crying. I cannot live alone. I might go back but I cannot tell anyone that I am planning to go abck or I will be stopped.
I can only go home and then tell OH I am back because I am stupid and dumb. I cannot live alone. I remember I was the only one who said, I can live alone happily. Its not like I cannot take care of myself. It is because of this place where no one lives. I have no one to talk to in this home. I know that no one will be coming here that I can wait and then talk to that person.
At home even if parents go out of station, say 1 day, I am alone? I am happy because I know that after 1 day people will come back and stay with me. But here, its no one, in near months also.
The important thing I noticed is that, as soon as I think of going back, to live with parents, my tears vanish and I have a smile. I become happy.
I find the place like a jail. Even though if anyone of you will see this place, you will think its awesome place.
I have a good PC, good internet, good, neat and clean room, 3rd floor which is warm and suitable for an Asthamatic(sp) patient like me!
What makes me cry even more is that I fighted and all said Will live alone and now I want to run away. Its hell! I am going to college today. Lets see what happens. Or I am going straight to airport and get tickets on monday. I cannot tolerate such a life.
Does anyone think that living a life like crying all day with mental stress and lonelyness can be lived?
I know that from being online, no one can help me! But can give some sympathy though.