College tuition problem

    • College tuition problem

      I was hoping that someone might be able to give me some advice about what to do with a problem that has developed recently between my dad and I. First of all, you should know that both me and my dad are extremely stubborn and have a hard time admitting that we were wrong about something. We're also both really independent and hate to be told what to do.

      My parents have always said that as long as I'm attending post-secondary, they'll pay for my tuition and let me live at home for free. Now that I'm 18 and ready to start college next year, this issue has become much more complicated. My dad is still willing to pay my tuition, but he's using it as a huge guilt-trip for me. In Canada, I'm legally an adult at 18, but he still gives me a curfew and a bed-time, and tells me what to do all the time. If I object, he says he has a right to control these things because he's paying my tuition and letting me live at home for free. Also, I have a job for the summer, which I work at for 8 1/2 hours every weekday, and I wanted to take two weeks off at the end of August before school starts; I was going to use this time to renovate my room and get ready for the upcoming semester. He won't let me take any time off, because he says I'm lazy and being ungrateful about how much money he's spending on me. He says that I'm demonstrating to him that I don't know how valuable money is and how hard it is to earn it, so if I take time off he is going to make me pay my own tuition and start paying rent so I'll "understand".

      He also wants me to work the whole summer because he says he's going to make me help with some of the payments for college, which I don't mind doing. The thing is, I've already saved up $10, 000 from working my butt off during previous summers. So I think I can afford to take a few weeks off work, while still having enough money to help pay my tuition. Every time I tell him this, though, he says "how long would that money last if I made you pay everything, including rent?"

      In addition, he's making me attend the summer semester at college so I can get ahead in my schooling. This means I won't have a break from school for the next 2 years. And I have no say in this whatsover because, again, he's paying for everything.

      So I need to know; am I being unreasonable/ungrateful? Because I'm not sure anymore. I really do appreciate the fact that my dad is planning on paying my tuition and letting me live at home for free, and he's right: I can't afford to pay rent and my own tuition. My 10 grand would be gone at the end of the year, and I've worked too hard for that money to waste it on one year of schooling. But I want nothing more than the chance to be a little bit more independent, and learn to make my own decisions (now that I'm an ADULT). I feel like as long as my dad is paying for me to go to school, I'm not going to get the chance to make my own decisions. And I don't know if I can wait for the 4 years it'll take to get a bachelor's degree before being able to decide on my own bed-time and choosing if I can afford to take some time off work. So what should I do?
    • Re: College tuition problem

      SIMPLY, YES, YOU ARE BEING UNGRATEFUL.

      I MEAN, YOUR ARGUMENT AGAINST HIM IS NOT MUCH. HE DOES HAVE A POINT WHEN HE SAYS 10,000 DOLLARS WILL NOT LAST YOU IF YOU HAD TO PAY BILLS. ALL THAT WOULD BE GONE IN LESS THAN 6 MONTHS EASILY.

      I FOR ONE, WHEN I TAKE A WEEK OR WHATEVER OFF FROM WORK, I GET PAID FOR IT. DO YOU GET PAID FOR THE TIME OFF? IF NOT, THEN HE HAS A POINT.

      SO IN REALITY, YOUR ARGUMENTS ARE SMALL COMPARED TO HIS.

      YOUR 18. BY THE TIME YOU ARE 20, YOU STILL HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO PARTY. DO WHAT YOUR DAD SAYS AND STOP BEING STUBBORN.
      .

      ---------- Post added at 08:30 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:26 PM ----------

      YOUR DAD IS TRYING TO GET YOU TO BE A RESPONSIBLE ADULT. YOU MAY ALREADY THINK YOU ARE A RESPONSIBLE ADULT, BUT YOU ARE ONLY 75% THERE. AND FROM WHAT I'VE READ, YOU SEEM RESPONSIBLE.
      .
    • Re: College tuition problem

      I agree. While you still live under your dad's roof you should adhere to his rules. My dad ended up paying for half of my tuition so I had to agree to pay for the other half by working both during the school year and also during the summer breaks. My advice to you is to suck it up for now and work those 2 years. You can always party after work and on the weekends.
    • Re: College tuition problem

      I agree with the above posters. At the very least, you should respect his rules (ie: curfew).

      I think he's being a bit harsh about taking a couple weeks off, though - especially since all people who work are allowed holidays and I'm pretty sure they still appreciate and value money. :p Maybe you can compromise; take off only a week or a week and a half, and explain to him that you are going to be productive use the time wisely.

      Summer classes won't be so bad, especially if it means you can get done a little early or have more free time during the year. If you really don't want to do it, maybe see if you can take on a heavier workload instead to earn more money. You could save up enough to be able to choose to move out before you finish schooling.

      The biggest thing is to try and compromise. Have a calm conversation with your dad to show you're a responsible adult. Maybe offer to help around the house a little more or offer to pay for some things (school supplies, groceries every once in a while, etc.) in exchange for a bit of freedom.