I started self injuring five years ago. I've had several periods of healing where I'd go months at a time without hurting myself. I was just in one of those phases, but a couple of weeks ago I had a relapse and started again. Now it's worse than ever.
Plus I've started to abuse the medications I'm getting. I'm concerned about what this could be doing to me, but then again I'm not exactly too responsible when it comes to my life and health lately.
My recent bout of depression has been caused by this unending sickness I've gone through. I've missed an obscene amount of school (although my grades are still ok) because of something that's wrong with my stomach. I've hardly been able to eat for a month because I'm constantly unable to keep anything down - sometimes even water.
This has just been too frustrating for me to handle, so I started to cut myself again. Just a little at first but of course that's how it always is. It's been getting worse and worse, and last night was probably the very worst night I've had in five years - worse than when I tried to kill myself for the first time in that I was so numb and uncaring.
I don't like it, but I just don't seem to care about what the pills and cutting are doing to me anymore. I take the pills and drink without even a thought that it could kill me.
Anyhow, last night I took four oxycodone, six diazepam, and a few shots of vodka. Then I started to cut myself. I was going to stop after just a few, but it's like I was hypnotized. I tried to count how many cuts but I keep getting lost around 200, so I'm guessing by the area that's covered that I probably made over 300 cuts. Hurts like hell, but I still somehow don't care.
I've convinced all of my loved ones that I stopped hurting myself, but I'm not sure if I can keep this a secret.
I've been debating whether or not to ask my parents to take me to the hospital in fear of what the drugs might be doing, and in fear that I may just end up killing myself. I just stopped caring, but I know it would hurt a lot of people if I ended up dead.
I guess I could just use a little guidance. Do you think I can work myself out of this rut? Or should I give in and ask to go to the hospital? And have you ever had any experience with those drug combos because I honestly don't know how dangerous it is or isn't...
Thanks. =\
Plus I've started to abuse the medications I'm getting. I'm concerned about what this could be doing to me, but then again I'm not exactly too responsible when it comes to my life and health lately.
My recent bout of depression has been caused by this unending sickness I've gone through. I've missed an obscene amount of school (although my grades are still ok) because of something that's wrong with my stomach. I've hardly been able to eat for a month because I'm constantly unable to keep anything down - sometimes even water.
This has just been too frustrating for me to handle, so I started to cut myself again. Just a little at first but of course that's how it always is. It's been getting worse and worse, and last night was probably the very worst night I've had in five years - worse than when I tried to kill myself for the first time in that I was so numb and uncaring.
I don't like it, but I just don't seem to care about what the pills and cutting are doing to me anymore. I take the pills and drink without even a thought that it could kill me.
Anyhow, last night I took four oxycodone, six diazepam, and a few shots of vodka. Then I started to cut myself. I was going to stop after just a few, but it's like I was hypnotized. I tried to count how many cuts but I keep getting lost around 200, so I'm guessing by the area that's covered that I probably made over 300 cuts. Hurts like hell, but I still somehow don't care.
I've convinced all of my loved ones that I stopped hurting myself, but I'm not sure if I can keep this a secret.
I've been debating whether or not to ask my parents to take me to the hospital in fear of what the drugs might be doing, and in fear that I may just end up killing myself. I just stopped caring, but I know it would hurt a lot of people if I ended up dead.
I guess I could just use a little guidance. Do you think I can work myself out of this rut? Or should I give in and ask to go to the hospital? And have you ever had any experience with those drug combos because I honestly don't know how dangerous it is or isn't...
Thanks. =\