So I have this friend and I can't tell if he is gay or not. We've been friends for a couple years and we're pretty close. He just acts very feminine and pretty flamboyant. he also likes quite a bit of female things like girly singers and shows, and sometimes I even think he's is flirting with me. He supports gays and always stands up for them. It isn't that I feel awkward around him or anything like that, but I just want to know. I asked him over the summer and he said he wasn't, but I just have this feeling that he is. Do you think he is or isn't?
is he gay?
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Hi there -
I understand that this can be a very confusing time for you - and likely for your friend as well. While I know that you had good intentions when you asked him if he was gay, I would advise you to avoid asking him direct questions like that. Like I said, I know that it was an innocent question and "you just want to know if he's gay" but this is a really touchy subject for most people - especially those who are directly involved.
Going forward, I would try to lay off the subject for a bit. As I mentioned, it's probably an extremely confusing time for your friend right now. The best think you can do is be his friend and be there for him. I know that you think he's gay and want that assumption verified, but right now, I don't think it's possible. Try not to "provoke" him coming out an announcing that he's gay, because that could be a traumatic experience for most people. Just take it one day at a time and offer him support.
If/when he ever does come out, feel honoured that he trusted you enough to tell you some very important information and ensure he knows that he can trust you. Being a good friend is all he needs right now and if/when he comes out, so try to be that person in his life.
Good luck. -
There's also the chance that he might be a really nice guy, and that's why he stands up for gays. As for the music and TV, everyone has their preferences and making a judgement on someone's sexuality based on these preferences is pretty dumb to be honest. Of course, he may be gay, so just give him time to do it by himself. Getting forced out of the closet isn't a nice thing to go through, and as a close friend that's not something you want happening.