Maybe I need more help...

    • Maybe I need more help...

      I don't really need to go into all of my past details, but I self harm and am on anti-depressants.
      Although I'm on these medications and they've helped tame the depression, I'm still seeing some really dangerous signs. I went months without self harm but recently gave in once more and haven't stopped since. Also, the last two or three weeks I've been manic one moment, and then maybe an hour later I feel like I'm borderline suicidal. Bipolar disorder has been discussed with my doctor but not really been seriously considered. With the frequency of my mood swings though it just doesn't seem to line up...
      Anyhow, last week I had one of the most intense panic attacks I've ever had. I've only had a total of three so bad over the last six years. My self injury has gotten worse although it really isn't my concern. The biggest issue is feeling suicidal. I'm supposed to move in about three weeks to head off to college, but the stress of it along with my friends from home and financial problems at home are pushing me so hard to just give in.
      The only time I've fallen asleep without the urge to hurt or die was the one night that I drank myself to sleep. I know that's an unhealthy habit, but I sometimes feel it's safer to get away from my mind...

      If you have any advice or ideas of what I can do to reduce these thoughts I'd really appreciate it. I don't seem to have any friends who are willing to talk about anything but their own boy problems or other trivial things... :(