Controlling Relationships.

    • Controlling Relationships.

      "You don't notice it. You're blinded by love and tell yourself that you could get worse and you can't get any better. You live for the good moments because you know they can be good. People may tell you they're not treating you right but you don't want to believe that this person you love, someone who was perfect in the beginning and treated you well in the beginning could ever have a bad streak. You stay with them hoping they will change so you wont have to leave and be left broken hearted, feeling guilty that you've left the love of your life. They manipulate you so much that it's hard to notice because they do it so much, it becomes normal and unnoticeable. They blame you for everything so you feel like you owe them or sometimes they'll insult you to make you feel worthless, like no-one else could ever love you or treat you better. It's a form of control which is so gradual, it's hard to spot. You would never understand unless it happened to you and trust me, I asked the same question as you before I got into and then left and abusive relationship which was making me physically and mentally ill."

      That was my response to a status made by a man who said how he couldn't understand why women stayed with abusive or controlling men, acting like it was so easy to spot and leave. As you may have noticed I was speaking from personal experience. I've been speaking to my friend who was my ex's ex girlfriend. She left him and she told me all the things he did to her and we both came to the conclusion this guy has a lot of issues. Even his friend agreed he was very paranoid, controlling, manipulative and unstable!
      Although he did treat me like shit and it was quite an abusive relationship which I'm still trying to come to terms with, during the time we were together, I didn't notice it and I loved him with everything I had. It all happened so gradually that it was hard to notice. It's taken me a few months to come to the conclusion that I made the right decision in leaving him, and that was the same for my friend.

      I want other girls and even guys (because it does happen) to be weary of controlling relationships because they are so common and I wasn't prepared! So I'll make a list of controlling behaviours from my own experience and what just isn't acceptable!

      Belittling - Controlling people tend to make their partner feel worthless or not as good as them, so you'll look up to them and rely on them and nobody else. This is their way of making you dependent on them, making you less likely to leave. Your partner isn't meant to insult you. One example of this for me was my ex saying 'move over chubby'. That instantly made me feel insecure and I questioned him about it and he didn't seem sorry for saying it at all. I never understood why he said it but now I know it was a way for making me feel low about myself.

      Physical Abuse - Any form of hitting is bad and it's a form of control, making it look they have more power over you and you have to do as they say. You should try to leave as soon as they're violent.

      Punishing - My ex boyfriend used to punish me if I didn't answer the phone, for example. The day we broke up, I was going to a friends party and he was going to take me and buy me alcohol. I was speaking to my mum when I noticed he was ringing and he'd been ringing me for some time. I rang him back and he said 'if you can't make the effort to answer the phone then I'm not going to make the effort to take you to the party. You can find your own way there and have a drunken less night.'
      That was like taking candy away from a supposedly naughty child. However you're not naughty for not answering the phone so you shouldn't be punished for it by having something taken from you. I had a reason why I didn't answer the phone too and he still punished me for it.

      Mistrust/Accusations - The night me and my ex broke up, he accused me of lying about where I was because he couldn't hear music over the phone. However, I was in the toilets which were away from the dance floor. I chose to ignore his texts of utter bullshit and enjoy my night. I later went to town which was unplanned and I was pretty drunk and didn't think to let him know about my whereabouts. But he rang me again, hours later and I told him I was in town, which resulted in a ridiculous amount of shouting at me down the phone, forcing me to stay in town so he'd pick me up and told me he was leaving me. I was devastated and crying even in town on my own, surrounded by weird men approaching me, waiting for him to pick me up and to get a 'told off' like I was some child.

      Jealousy - If they talk about the opposite sex a lot, they're most likely trying to make you jealous and make you think that the opposite sex are always all over them, when usually that's not the case. By doing that they make you feel lucky to have them and so you want them more than ever. My ex used to go out clubbing a lot and tell me about everything all the girls had been saying or doing, or making out he was hero who turned them down etc. and I used to think how lucky I was to have him and that he wants me, not all the girls who are after him!

      Moodswings - Controlling people don't want to lose you, so if they go too far and you show signs or even say you're considering leaving them, they'll change. They'll become nicer, more interested in what you have to say, act like they're listening to you or if you notice their controlling behaviour, they'll promise you they'll change and that they understand what you're saying. They may even say they're wrong or apologise to you to make you think that they're going to change. But they never do. It's common knowledge that controlling people are hard to, if not impossible to change because that's who they are, it's part of them and their personality. So don't wait around hoping they'll change. Most of the time, they just hide their real thoughts. They still think you're wrong, they'll just not openly say it to make you believe they think you're right.

      They know/say more - This is part of belittling you. They may say they're more experienced/knowledgeable than you, mainly if they're older than you and give you the impression that they're trying to make you a better person. But you show someone by example, not by making them better. If they talk over you, do most of the talking, or if you feel they don't listen to you, then they most likely aren't listening and they believe what you're saying has no value. This makes you feel like your words as well as you are worthless.

      Your fault - They tend to blame everything on you, even if you and many others agree that they're in the wrong, they will not admit it and will blame it on you or anyone else for that matter. You can give them all the evidence in the world to prove they're wrong and they will still make up excuses or reasons why you're to blame.

      Lying - They lie. A lot. It turns out my ex lied about leaving his first girlfriend, when it turned out she left him because of his behaviour. He told me my friend left him because she still loved her ex when actually she left him because of his behaviour as well.

      I've come to the conclusion that controlling people don't love their partners, they just want someone to control. I believe this because my ex has already found another girl, who's my friends ex. He moved on within days and quicker than me; the one who ended it.

      It took me months to believe I had made the right decision and only now do I realise I did. If you leave someone because you feel controlled and you feel their behaviour isn't right, never blame yourself and never question your decision. It is always the right decision.

      I hope this has helped someone out there who's going through a hard relationship! It's better being single than being with someone you're not happy with!
      [CENTER]Ask me a question[/CENTER]

      la rubia loca wrote:

      what is prolapse?
      is it like pro life?
    • Re: Controlling Relationships.

      Hann. wrote:

      "You don't notice it. You're blinded by love and tell yourself that you could get worse and you can't get any better. You live for the good moments because you know they can be good. People may tell you they're not treating you right but you don't want to believe that this person you love, someone who was perfect in the beginning and treated you well in the beginning could ever have a bad streak. You stay with them hoping they will change so you wont have to leave and be left broken hearted, feeling guilty that you've left the love of your life. They manipulate you so much that it's hard to notice because they do it so much, it becomes normal and unnoticeable. They blame you for everything so you feel like you owe them or sometimes they'll insult you to make you feel worthless, like no-one else could ever love you or treat you better. It's a form of control which is so gradual, it's hard to spot. You would never understand unless it happened to you and trust me, I asked the same question as you before I got into and then left and abusive relationship which was making me physically and mentally ill."

      That was my response to a status made by a man who said how he couldn't understand why women stayed with abusive or controlling men, acting like it was so easy to spot and leave. As you may have noticed I was speaking from personal experience. I've been speaking to my friend who was my ex's ex girlfriend. She left him and she told me all the things he did to her and we both came to the conclusion this guy has a lot of issues. Even his friend agreed he was very paranoid, controlling, manipulative and unstable!
      Although he did treat me like shit and it was quite an abusive relationship which I'm still trying to come to terms with, during the time we were together, I didn't notice it and I loved him with everything I had. It all happened so gradually that it was hard to notice. It's taken me a few months to come to the conclusion that I made the right decision in leaving him, and that was the same for my friend.

      I want other girls and even guys (because it does happen) to be weary of controlling relationships because they are so common and I wasn't prepared! So I'll make a list of controlling behaviours from my own experience and what just isn't acceptable!

      Belittling - Controlling people tend to make their partner feel worthless or not as good as them, so you'll look up to them and rely on them and nobody else. This is their way of making you dependent on them, making you less likely to leave. Your partner isn't meant to insult you. One example of this for me was my ex saying 'move over chubby'. That instantly made me feel insecure and I questioned him about it and he didn't seem sorry for saying it at all. I never understood why he said it but now I know it was a way for making me feel low about myself.

      Physical Abuse - Any form of hitting is bad and it's a form of control, making it look they have more power over you and you have to do as they say. You should try to leave as soon as they're violent.

      Punishing - My ex boyfriend used to punish me if I didn't answer the phone, for example. The day we broke up, I was going to a friends party and he was going to take me and buy me alcohol. I was speaking to my mum when I noticed he was ringing and he'd been ringing me for some time. I rang him back and he said 'if you can't make the effort to answer the phone then I'm not going to make the effort to take you to the party. You can find your own way there and have a drunken less night.'
      That was like taking candy away from a supposedly naughty child. However you're not naughty for not answering the phone so you shouldn't be punished for it by having something taken from you. I had a reason why I didn't answer the phone too and he still punished me for it.

      Mistrust/Accusations - The night me and my ex broke up, he accused me of lying about where I was because he couldn't hear music over the phone. However, I was in the toilets which were away from the dance floor. I chose to ignore his texts of utter bullshit and enjoy my night. I later went to town which was unplanned and I was pretty drunk and didn't think to let him know about my whereabouts. But he rang me again, hours later and I told him I was in town, which resulted in a ridiculous amount of shouting at me down the phone, forcing me to stay in town so he'd pick me up and told me he was leaving me. I was devastated and crying even in town on my own, surrounded by weird men approaching me, waiting for him to pick me up and to get a 'told off' like I was some child.

      Jealousy - If they talk about the opposite sex a lot, they're most likely trying to make you jealous and make you think that the opposite sex are always all over them, when usually that's not the case. By doing that they make you feel lucky to have them and so you want them more than ever. My ex used to go out clubbing a lot and tell me about everything all the girls had been saying or doing, or making out he was hero who turned them down etc. and I used to think how lucky I was to have him and that he wants me, not all the girls who are after him!

      Moodswings - Controlling people don't want to lose you, so if they go too far and you show signs or even say you're considering leaving them, they'll change. They'll become nicer, more interested in what you have to say, act like they're listening to you or if you notice their controlling behaviour, they'll promise you they'll change and that they understand what you're saying. They may even say they're wrong or apologise to you to make you think that they're going to change. But they never do. It's common knowledge that controlling people are hard to, if not impossible to change because that's who they are, it's part of them and their personality. So don't wait around hoping they'll change. Most of the time, they just hide their real thoughts. They still think you're wrong, they'll just not openly say it to make you believe they think you're right.

      They know/say more - This is part of belittling you. They may say they're more experienced/knowledgeable than you, mainly if they're older than you and give you the impression that they're trying to make you a better person. But you show someone by example, not by making them better. If they talk over you, do most of the talking, or if you feel they don't listen to you, then they most likely aren't listening and they believe what you're saying has no value. This makes you feel like your words as well as you are worthless.

      Your fault - They tend to blame everything on you, even if you and many others agree that they're in the wrong, they will not admit it and will blame it on you or anyone else for that matter. You can give them all the evidence in the world to prove they're wrong and they will still make up excuses or reasons why you're to blame.

      Lying - They lie. A lot. It turns out my ex lied about leaving his first girlfriend, when it turned out she left him because of his behaviour. He told me my friend left him because she still loved her ex when actually she left him because of his behaviour as well.

      I've come to the conclusion that controlling people don't love their partners, they just want someone to control. I believe this because my ex has already found another girl, who's my friends ex. He moved on within days and quicker than me; the one who ended it.

      It took me months to believe I had made the right decision and only now do I realise I did. If you leave someone because you feel controlled and you feel their behaviour isn't right, never blame yourself and never question your decision. It is always the right decision.

      I hope this has helped someone out there who's going through a hard relationship! It's better being single than being with someone you're not happy with!


      Definitely is! Relationships are supposed to make us happy! Some people like to make their partners lose their self-worth so that they'll hold on tightly to them.
      "You use your heart as a weapon, and it hurts like Heaven."
    • Re: Controlling Relationships.

      My ex was abusive, was nothing about him telling me what to do. I like how you find my situation amusing. -_-

      I wrote in this about people misconceptions of controlling relationships. You don't know it. It's usually when they start to become too extreme or someone notices it, that you then slowly begin to realise. You should do some research on controlling relationships before you post misconceptions. You'd never understand unless you're in a controlling relationship.

      Every girl my ex dated left him but he lied to me about some saying he left them when actually they left him because he was nuts. Even his friends have tried to show him what he's like, they know he's mentally unstable but he just thinks they're picking on him!
      [CENTER]Ask me a question[/CENTER]

      la rubia loca wrote:

      what is prolapse?
      is it like pro life?

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Hann. ().