Okay guys, first of all...
Sorry, this is going to be a very long thread, so please don't flick over.
Secondly, please advise me.. I seriously need help.
--
I'm 23, a university student, okay money wise, doesn't go out or about etc, never been on a night out, straight edge etc.
I have been bullied all my life, for my looks, for who I am, I have had death threats in the past, and the many people who've screwed with my head/brainwashed me into believing everyone were just so perfect.
Okay thats my life story out of the way, now on to the main issue and I shall link in with all these things I mentioned above.
--
Around this time in 2010 or earlier, I met this girl online on this website, (which doesn't exist now). We had so much in common, same music tastes, same film tastes, and everything was so perfect. We didn't rush in to things, and later me and her met (seeing it wasn't that far away from my house).
We the had a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship a few months after where she took my virginity (as I was waiting for the right girl to enter my life). Things were PERFECT and I had a AMAZING time being around her, we did so much together and we planned our time well. Those days were the happiest times in my life. Things were going so well until her bitch of a friend entered the picture and spread a lot of nasty rumors about me which made her dump me.
After a number of days when she realised that her friend actually bullshitted, she came and sorted things out, until later on someone else called 'Dom' came into her life (brought in by her friend who spread all those lies about me), and later on was dumped via email.
Again, after a short break, we started talking and she regretted that she did dump me, where we talked and spoke about issues about her friend, Dom, people, college etc. We got back together again, however things have been very difficult all round in the sense that we used to argue a lot and that she'd blame/accuse me for everything.
One of the things she kept mentioning were some american people from 2007, where because it was such a big deal, she used it as a scape goat because she knows talking about them pisses me off. You got to bare in mind all these American people who I did class as friends have all LIED to me and hurt me emotionally. There was this one American girl I did like, but all for the wrong reasons (this being 2007 way before I met Jodie), where she brainwashed me kind of, where I believed everything she said, even though she was being the biggest faker in the whole wide world, but I was to thick at the time to realise about stuff.
Anyway, back on to topic, she kept bringing back people from 2007, which pissed me off because the past has hurtfully harmed my life for many reasons. She knew that she'd get a reaction every time she mentioned them. Therefore we argued a lot for months. We had the odd break up/make up in between like all couples had.
Late 2012, Jodie said that because we argued a lot and we don't have as much in common any more she'd dump me and wanted to just be friends and then see if we can get back together again if things felt right. One day out of the blue I got a text from her saying she was trapped in a room in Derby, where I instantly phoned her up, where she admitted sleeping with a guy (where she couldn't escape the flat for one reason or another) and that she had slept with another guy (a 'cop'), whilst being with me in a relationship. All what she wanted to do was go on dating websites and post naked/semi naked pictures of her all over the internet to get males attentions, and she was obsessed in wanting to be with a cop and fucking one particular person (who was a cop too) who she met in RL. Ughhh. You get the drift.
After finding out she cheated, (I didn't know fully what happened), but I went and visited her and a few weeks later she told me she was pregnant. She insisted it was mine, but I had doubts as especially within the last three years, we didn't have sexual intercourse protected (as because of who I am, I believe I'm infertile), but she said some dates which linked in nicely with the guy in Derby she was fucking and trapped in. I told her to think about the options about the pregnancy, to have the kid, to have it and then put in to adoption, or an abortion. Over the next few weeks, she turned extremely sick, to a point where I said get the abortion and then get your life back on track. I told her, if the kid was mine, that I would not want to keep it as especially as our relationship was no more and I'm not ready, but the main issue was her health, especially as it was deteriorating every day. She had a abortion, but she had it in her mind that I wanted it on purpose as I didn't want to be the father. I would love a kid of my own blood and flesh, of course, however, her health is much more of a priority to me.
Later on, she accused me of a lot more stuff, where she told me a load of death threats and really dirty spiteful things, i mean horrid things about me. Showing the real her. After that, we have barely spoken and the last time she did speak to me, she had a massive go as she claimed that the only reason I was talking to her was because I'm bored.
I found out from her friend (who spread all them lies about me) later on that they've been talking for days and found out on a certain website shes had more than two people whose she slept with whilst with me and I feel like my life is getting worser and worser by the minute. She has blocked me from every website now where I can have no contact to her at all.
--
Jodie to me..
She was the best thing to ever happen to my life.
She was the most spiteful person to enter my life.
She was the girl I lost my virginity to.
She was the girl I spent all the best part of three years with (on/off)
She is also the girl I think about every day, the girl who I miss being with, the girl always in the back of my mind. She was my first real love which cannot be lost.
--
Since shes blocked me, I've sent her a email, numerous tweets (can tweet her but can't reply to any messages on her page) and now its this so I can get some advise..
The effects It has had on me...
Negative ones of course. I feel so depressed its unreal.... I'm losing my mind.. I've gained a LOT of weight, (when I hit my depressed state, I need food for comfort. I have NO friends. I'm doing very BADLY at University and being on the risk of getting kicked out. I have cut my own hair loads. I have been thinking a LOT about operations, the type where Jodie says she'd be disappointed in me if I had them done. Things in general are shit, car failed its MOT, work from uni failed, games are shit etc. Ughhh..
This girl is everything to me, yet she is denying talking to me, which is putting me in a pissed off depressive mood is that I found a blog from the other day where she is doing a letter to a guy she fancies and saying how much they mean to her. I feel useless and rotten, forgotten, used and played with.
I need help...
Sorry, this is going to be a very long thread, so please don't flick over.
Secondly, please advise me.. I seriously need help.
--
I'm 23, a university student, okay money wise, doesn't go out or about etc, never been on a night out, straight edge etc.
I have been bullied all my life, for my looks, for who I am, I have had death threats in the past, and the many people who've screwed with my head/brainwashed me into believing everyone were just so perfect.
Okay thats my life story out of the way, now on to the main issue and I shall link in with all these things I mentioned above.
--
Around this time in 2010 or earlier, I met this girl online on this website, (which doesn't exist now). We had so much in common, same music tastes, same film tastes, and everything was so perfect. We didn't rush in to things, and later me and her met (seeing it wasn't that far away from my house).
We the had a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship a few months after where she took my virginity (as I was waiting for the right girl to enter my life). Things were PERFECT and I had a AMAZING time being around her, we did so much together and we planned our time well. Those days were the happiest times in my life. Things were going so well until her bitch of a friend entered the picture and spread a lot of nasty rumors about me which made her dump me.
After a number of days when she realised that her friend actually bullshitted, she came and sorted things out, until later on someone else called 'Dom' came into her life (brought in by her friend who spread all those lies about me), and later on was dumped via email.
Again, after a short break, we started talking and she regretted that she did dump me, where we talked and spoke about issues about her friend, Dom, people, college etc. We got back together again, however things have been very difficult all round in the sense that we used to argue a lot and that she'd blame/accuse me for everything.
One of the things she kept mentioning were some american people from 2007, where because it was such a big deal, she used it as a scape goat because she knows talking about them pisses me off. You got to bare in mind all these American people who I did class as friends have all LIED to me and hurt me emotionally. There was this one American girl I did like, but all for the wrong reasons (this being 2007 way before I met Jodie), where she brainwashed me kind of, where I believed everything she said, even though she was being the biggest faker in the whole wide world, but I was to thick at the time to realise about stuff.
Anyway, back on to topic, she kept bringing back people from 2007, which pissed me off because the past has hurtfully harmed my life for many reasons. She knew that she'd get a reaction every time she mentioned them. Therefore we argued a lot for months. We had the odd break up/make up in between like all couples had.
Late 2012, Jodie said that because we argued a lot and we don't have as much in common any more she'd dump me and wanted to just be friends and then see if we can get back together again if things felt right. One day out of the blue I got a text from her saying she was trapped in a room in Derby, where I instantly phoned her up, where she admitted sleeping with a guy (where she couldn't escape the flat for one reason or another) and that she had slept with another guy (a 'cop'), whilst being with me in a relationship. All what she wanted to do was go on dating websites and post naked/semi naked pictures of her all over the internet to get males attentions, and she was obsessed in wanting to be with a cop and fucking one particular person (who was a cop too) who she met in RL. Ughhh. You get the drift.
After finding out she cheated, (I didn't know fully what happened), but I went and visited her and a few weeks later she told me she was pregnant. She insisted it was mine, but I had doubts as especially within the last three years, we didn't have sexual intercourse protected (as because of who I am, I believe I'm infertile), but she said some dates which linked in nicely with the guy in Derby she was fucking and trapped in. I told her to think about the options about the pregnancy, to have the kid, to have it and then put in to adoption, or an abortion. Over the next few weeks, she turned extremely sick, to a point where I said get the abortion and then get your life back on track. I told her, if the kid was mine, that I would not want to keep it as especially as our relationship was no more and I'm not ready, but the main issue was her health, especially as it was deteriorating every day. She had a abortion, but she had it in her mind that I wanted it on purpose as I didn't want to be the father. I would love a kid of my own blood and flesh, of course, however, her health is much more of a priority to me.
Later on, she accused me of a lot more stuff, where she told me a load of death threats and really dirty spiteful things, i mean horrid things about me. Showing the real her. After that, we have barely spoken and the last time she did speak to me, she had a massive go as she claimed that the only reason I was talking to her was because I'm bored.
I found out from her friend (who spread all them lies about me) later on that they've been talking for days and found out on a certain website shes had more than two people whose she slept with whilst with me and I feel like my life is getting worser and worser by the minute. She has blocked me from every website now where I can have no contact to her at all.
--
Jodie to me..
She was the best thing to ever happen to my life.
She was the most spiteful person to enter my life.
She was the girl I lost my virginity to.
She was the girl I spent all the best part of three years with (on/off)
She is also the girl I think about every day, the girl who I miss being with, the girl always in the back of my mind. She was my first real love which cannot be lost.
--
Since shes blocked me, I've sent her a email, numerous tweets (can tweet her but can't reply to any messages on her page) and now its this so I can get some advise..
The effects It has had on me...
Negative ones of course. I feel so depressed its unreal.... I'm losing my mind.. I've gained a LOT of weight, (when I hit my depressed state, I need food for comfort. I have NO friends. I'm doing very BADLY at University and being on the risk of getting kicked out. I have cut my own hair loads. I have been thinking a LOT about operations, the type where Jodie says she'd be disappointed in me if I had them done. Things in general are shit, car failed its MOT, work from uni failed, games are shit etc. Ughhh..
This girl is everything to me, yet she is denying talking to me, which is putting me in a pissed off depressive mood is that I found a blog from the other day where she is doing a letter to a guy she fancies and saying how much they mean to her. I feel useless and rotten, forgotten, used and played with.
I need help...