I'm 14 years old. I have depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and OCD. I have been in a very dark place for quite a while. I recently lost my boyfriend and my best friend since fifth grade. In 7th grade I decided to start taking pills I didn't care what kind or how many just as long as it got me through the day. I have been in a downward spiral ever since. I stopped taking pills a few months ago when I got with my boyfriend because I wanted to do better I was so happy during the time I was with him. I felt like my depression could finally go away but about 3 weeks ago he broke up with me for basically no reason. Since then I've started cutting again and I've been craving pills but can't find them nearly as easy as I did a year ago. I can barely make it through school because my ex and my old best friend are there. I had two panic attacks in one class block yesterday (it was the class I have with my ex). The doctor prescribed me some anti-depressants that don't even help they only stop me from sleeping which I have a hard enough time doing already. He also preferred me a counselor who hasn't helped at all in the past three months. She basically tells me that everything I do is wrong and tells me to do the dumbest stuff. My mom is a abusive cunt who has scarred me for life and my dad is never here. Every time he gets home he usually never says a word to me and when he does he's yelling at me because my mom told him too. The only person I could trust was my brother-in-law. I told him everything he was like an actual brother to me for a few years and then right around Christmas he told my sister everything about my pill problem and everything else. She told my mom of course and I'm still being lectured about it. I never told him I cut though which is great because that can be my dirty little secret. If I don't have cutting I have nothing. I feel so alone I have two close friends and they are definitely bad influences but they have depression too so I feel like it's the only place I belong. I know they won't be here forever though so I'm alone. I have no family who gives a shit about me, even my older sister has turned into an alcoholic who is now pregnant of course. I have no one to go too, if I told my therapist everything there would be serious consequences. I'm doing pretty well in school which is kind of good so I can get out of this tiny hick town, I can't fucking stand rednecks. That means I'm doing well in school but failing at life. I've tried to kill myself three times but only ended up passed out in my bathroom covered in vomit. I swear I can't die every time I try it just doesn't work out. To be honest I'm an atheist, so I don't want to be lectured about how god put me here for a reason. I've heard it all before. I respect everyone's religion as long as they respect mine. I'm not against gays either or race. I find it really judgmental and stupid. Well I guess I just wanted to get this stuff out and I would really like to meet some other teens like me who need someone to talk too.
Signed, M.
Signed, M.
The post was edited 1 time, last by Effy_Stonem ().