How many dates before....

    • How many dates before....

      I am a twenty five year old female who ended a 5 year relationship almost a year ago and, since it was my only "adult" relationship, I am not sure what the dating rules are.

      I have been using this site for about a month now and I have had a few date dudds... things that didn't go anywhere beyond a first meeting. But, recently I met an older guy (almost 10 years) who seemed to be great... our first date was a typical dinner and a drink and since then there have been out on a hand full of other dates.

      Today he cancelled on me... sent a text a few hours before we were going to meet and said "hi. you are going to hate me but I have to cancel tonight. Call me at .....". I told him that I was okay with not meeting up and I thought I was until I called him back and found out that he wasn't canceling for a work deadline or some big emergency. He was canceling because he was going to bed early.

      It felt like a second slap in the face when I turned on the computer and noticed that (1) he had been on POF an hour earlier and (2) that he has added to his profile in the past few days.

      So, I guess I am left with a few questions and would like a more objective opinion. If you wouldn't mind telling me.

      How should I react to this whole situation with him?
      - Canceling
      - being online tonight
      - updating his profile
      do I confront him on these issues or do I let it slide and see what happens???

      My other question is more general... when people meet online, how long/how many dates do people usually go on before things change from "getting to know someone" and continuing to fish for others, to being in a relationship or being "exclusive"???

      Thanks for your help in advanced!! I appreciate it!!

    • Re: How many dates before....

      There are no rules, except those that you impose on the situation. And to impose rules you have to espouse them.

      You think that you and he were dating. he might have thought that you and he were hanging out. You might have thought your were lovers. he might have thought that you were friends with benefits. (Assuming anytyhing of that nature has been happening. You didn't say, and I'm not certain I should make that assumption.)

      Some fellows are never exclusive and will tell you so. Some will say they are exclusive and then cheat. Others will actually be exclusive.

      In your case, he has decided that you and he are not going to work. He's cancelled a date. He's revised his POF profile. He's looking. The only thing he didn't do was say it out loud.

      What should you do? Accept the situation. If he calls again ask him outright what he thinks is going on and what the rules are. If you can accept them, then go for it. On the other hand, a failing relationship (and this appears to be one) can rarely be revived. For expert advice meet your

    • Re: How many dates before....

      First I would like to tell you that the way you post is neat. I hope you are mature enough to handle the truth.

      - Canceling


      Commitments can be canceled for emergencies but not for bed unless it's with you. His action says he does not enjoy your company. How can en empty bed look more inviting than a night out with an attractive girl.


      - being online tonight and updating his profile


      This one says he has better things to do than go out with you.


      do I confront him on these issues or do I let it slide and see what happens???


      Don't bother talking to him about it. A guy who can't keep his commitment isn't worth the trouble. At 35 years, a guy is supposed to be mature enough to care about other's feelings and there are always nicer ways to let a girl know they can't go deeper into a relationship.

      when people meet online, how long/how many dates do people usually go on before things change from "getting to know someone" and continuing to fish for others, to being in a relationship or being "exclusive"???


      Hannah's right, there is no rule. I know people who hit it off the first time.