it started when my brother and once was my friend got into an argument, he raised his hands up at her in the car earlier that night before they got home cause she went back to her ex that caused so many problems for her, they were arguing in his room and he said he was calling the cops on her (i dont know why) they started to fight and when he tried to get she supposably told me that he slammed the door on her twisted ankle (she fell down the steps at her college) I got pist off at him and got his knife I had in my bedroom and raised it at his throat, i threatened him, he went outside and he called the cops on me, she was crying said she would lose her kids, blah blah blah, and my dad told the sheriff I calmed down, he said she wouldnt go to jail as long as she got her stuffed and moved out, her took her to her apartment, later that night, I got my brothers tequila and started drinking and got so fucking drunk, i had atleast 7-8 ounces (i forgot the part where i started smoking again) then I started getting restless, I started getting even more suicidal, and one night, I had really bad heartbreak because i felt betrayed, lied to, and alone again (she told me she wasnt going back to her ex but my brother at last moment when they where leaving, said he was done dealing with her and her ex) I also had rage and a cup of coffee (bad mistake), and I started god damn shaking violently and uncontrollably, I was heartbroken, then it went to rage, since then I couldnt sleep and that night, i had to stay up til 1pm in the afternoon, then I finally fell asleep, when i woke up yesterday and my brother asked me what i wanted from hardees (i was half asleep) i saw a demonic grin on his face, if you've ever seen the character from disturbed, then you'll know what it looks like, and felt like he was going to kill me then, I fell asleep not remembering what i said to him, as time went on, the rage and adrenline rushes got worse and more frequent, I've been having pains in my heart and chest. and when I try to sleep and thinking of something in my mind, it literally feels like my mind is blocked off from my body, today, I asked my dad if i could go to the doctor and told him what was wrong, he said the people at cone behavioral health (its a mental hospital i was in) would of noticed it in my blood, it was 6 god damn months ago!!!! and now I just talked to what once was my friend again, I told her how i didnt trust her and my brother, another adrenaline rush came and now i cant fucking sleep, she said next time i called her she would tell me when i can come over, once i see that bitch i want to fucking kill her (also lately i just took the razors out of my razor and started cutting myself again) I just want to fucking know what going on with me.