I've just been a little confused lately.
I'm not your normal case of depression. You usually see kids with problems with parents, and the lack of love of friends. My parents are together, and they love me dearly. I own everything I ever need, and more.
The problem is, nothing is ever enough.
Whenever I'm happy and laughing, it feels like I'm forcing it.
I have some problems with dependency. I grow completely attatched to people and substances. It feels like my friends are growing up without me. They're starting to seriously date, and are becoming fixed on the subject of sex. And when they talk about that sort of stuff, I get really jealous, and I feel like I can't tell them that. I don't want to censor them.
Why should I hold them back from living just 'cause I can't deal? It's just not fair.
My sexuality is causing some confusion as well. My friends are not gay by any means, yet they have made out with more women then I have. Again, with the jealousy, and I still can't tell them about my feelings.
The dating scene does not go well for me, the few men that I have dated have taken advantage of me negatively, and the women I have fallen for are not gay, and worse, have boyfriends.
The subject of suicide has popped up in my head numerous times. But the toll it will do to my family keeps me alive. But I am still not happy. And I feel like I can never be, truly, truly happy.
Drug addiction is my alternative. That way I am alive, but I'm masking the unsatisfaction with my life.(that doesn't sound grammatically correct)
Before anyone tells me to go see someone about it:
I am seeing a therapist, weekly, And
I have tried a couple different kinds of anti-depressants in 3 years.
I really feel like I'm at the end of my rope, Drug Addiction and Self-Mutilation is how I'm staying alive, and I feel myself getting closer to self-destructing. And that's the last thing I want.
Any opinions?
I'm not your normal case of depression. You usually see kids with problems with parents, and the lack of love of friends. My parents are together, and they love me dearly. I own everything I ever need, and more.
The problem is, nothing is ever enough.
Whenever I'm happy and laughing, it feels like I'm forcing it.
I have some problems with dependency. I grow completely attatched to people and substances. It feels like my friends are growing up without me. They're starting to seriously date, and are becoming fixed on the subject of sex. And when they talk about that sort of stuff, I get really jealous, and I feel like I can't tell them that. I don't want to censor them.
Why should I hold them back from living just 'cause I can't deal? It's just not fair.
My sexuality is causing some confusion as well. My friends are not gay by any means, yet they have made out with more women then I have. Again, with the jealousy, and I still can't tell them about my feelings.
The dating scene does not go well for me, the few men that I have dated have taken advantage of me negatively, and the women I have fallen for are not gay, and worse, have boyfriends.
The subject of suicide has popped up in my head numerous times. But the toll it will do to my family keeps me alive. But I am still not happy. And I feel like I can never be, truly, truly happy.
Drug addiction is my alternative. That way I am alive, but I'm masking the unsatisfaction with my life.(that doesn't sound grammatically correct)
Before anyone tells me to go see someone about it:
I am seeing a therapist, weekly, And
I have tried a couple different kinds of anti-depressants in 3 years.
I really feel like I'm at the end of my rope, Drug Addiction and Self-Mutilation is how I'm staying alive, and I feel myself getting closer to self-destructing. And that's the last thing I want.
Any opinions?