What it was like to fall in love with my best friend

    • What it was like to fall in love with my best friend

      For personal privacy purposes, we are going to call my guy best friend "Jake", my girl best friend, aka his girlfriend, "Maddy", and my other guy best friend, aka one of Jake's best friends "Mike".

      We met in grade 10. Possibly one of the best days of my life. I had been asked to hangout with my regular friend group, and had not known about Jake at the time. I was unaware that he was coming, but was always open to meeting new people. We ended up all having to hangout at his house. I hadn't realized until after, when I got home, how similar Jake and I were. Lets just say that if I were a guy, I would be exactly like him. Sure, we had our differences. Everyone does at first. But I didn't let that get in the way. We exchanged Snapchats, and that's where our journey began.
      We ended up hanging out a lot more than I expected. He would offer to walk me home from work every night, and I resisted the urge to say no because hey, I could've used a little company then. Especially since it was dark by the time I finished working. It was then that I realized he started gaining feelings for me. I guess he didn't think it was obvious, but then again, I notice the little things. I didn't bring it up because I didn't want to embarrass myself if I were wrong. So I asked around. Mike told me that he always talks about me and how pretty and funny I was. That he had fallen in love "at first sight". Which I guess was kinda cute at the time. My other girl friend told me the same. So that's when things got somewhat serious. I knew for a fact that we were just friends and I saw nothing more than just that. I guess he thought differently. It was then that I felt obligated to feel the same way. I mean who wouldn't if you always heard "Imagine my two best friends dating, you guys would be so cute!" I was being showered with compliments, and I guess you could say that he made me feel a little more confident than I used to be. I was absolutely delighted at the time, and decided to tell him that I too had feelings for him. I thought I'd give it a try you know? You only live once right?
      Anyways, time passes, and maybe a week after trying out new things, I decided that I couldn't date him. It was high school, I was young, I had no experience whatsoever, and I sure as hell was not ready for a relationship. I snapchatted him that same day, and told him how I felt. I didn't want to lead him on, and felt like it was the right thing to do. He was upset, and said as long as we're still friends, I'll be okay. So I believed him.
      It wasn't until a couple days later that I noticed a difference in our friendship, he became more awkward, less chatty, and never really asked to hangout with me first, and no longer walked me home. We stopped co-coordinating our outfits, and he stopped complimenting me. Things were out of place. I realized then, that he had been talking to my best friend, Maddy. This was weird for me, especially since it all happened so fast, but I was happy for them. It was strange at first, but I remember one night specifically when they asked me to hangout with them and Mike. I said okay, because I figured it'd be fun. Why not.
      So we went to his house, where I was forced to stick around Mike because Jake wasn't interested in me anymore. Mike felt like there was something there, but frankly, I just needed to make Jake jealous, and forget about whatever happened between us. I started to feel regret. I thought "that could be me, but I was stupid". So I went for Mike. At first, I felt bad for using him like that, but it helped.
      Weeks later, I had to end it. I couldn't keep making him assume things that weren't true. Because the feelings weren't mutual. Things got awkward after. And we didn't talk, or bother to hangout. It was either him or me when hangouts happened, but eventually we grew past it.
      Life was lonely. Especially after both Jake and Maddy started dating. I felt the need to find someone else, but I couldn't. So I kept living.

      A year later
      A year had gone by, and I was happy. I had my best friend Jake back, and he was "in love" with my best friend Maddy. Maddy and I grew close that year, yet somehow, Jake and I grew apart. We were still good friends, but things obviously weren't the same. I missed him. I really really missed him. But I didn't let that thought get in the way of things. Their relationship grew stronger and cuter overtime, and I was jealous. Yet again. I guess it just never stopped when I thought it did. I still haven't moved on.