hi everyone. i'm new here but i thought i'd just get right into it. i'm 17 years old, born and raised in canada. i feel alone most of the time.
i'd say that my anxiety started in grade 4 and depression in grade 6. i started cutting on and off since grade 7. i also started therapy at that time because my parents had just split up. things were relatively okay until grade 10 when some friends left me. i stayed inside all the time, isolating. one day my mom was out of town so i invited a couple people over. we smoked weed under the deck. the one girl kept pushing me to do more and i ended up getting way to high and started hearing things and seeing myself outside my body. i had smoked before so i wonder if it's an interaction with the anti depressants i was taking at the time. anyways, after that i started to remember things about my childhood. trauma related things. i completely broke down. a couple months after i ended up in the hospital for three weeks, then a second time three weeks after that for a suicide attempt. after my second admission my psychiatrist started suspecting i had bipolar 2 disorder. until last spring i pretty much had no friends, but ended up getting to know a girl at my school who introduced me to a few new people. i would consider her my best friend. things are still pretty up and down. a few days ago i attempted again and ended up in the er. the psychiatrist there thinks i have borderline personality disorder. it makes so much sense. the fear of abandonment, rapid mood swings, self harm, etc.
i'm scared. i don't want this disorder or any disorder for that matter. so i thought i'd come here.
i'm currently struggling with this new diagnoses, friends and some other stuff like trying to quit smoking. thanks to whoever reads this, and if you feel like replying, no matter what the reply is, please do.
i'd say that my anxiety started in grade 4 and depression in grade 6. i started cutting on and off since grade 7. i also started therapy at that time because my parents had just split up. things were relatively okay until grade 10 when some friends left me. i stayed inside all the time, isolating. one day my mom was out of town so i invited a couple people over. we smoked weed under the deck. the one girl kept pushing me to do more and i ended up getting way to high and started hearing things and seeing myself outside my body. i had smoked before so i wonder if it's an interaction with the anti depressants i was taking at the time. anyways, after that i started to remember things about my childhood. trauma related things. i completely broke down. a couple months after i ended up in the hospital for three weeks, then a second time three weeks after that for a suicide attempt. after my second admission my psychiatrist started suspecting i had bipolar 2 disorder. until last spring i pretty much had no friends, but ended up getting to know a girl at my school who introduced me to a few new people. i would consider her my best friend. things are still pretty up and down. a few days ago i attempted again and ended up in the er. the psychiatrist there thinks i have borderline personality disorder. it makes so much sense. the fear of abandonment, rapid mood swings, self harm, etc.
i'm scared. i don't want this disorder or any disorder for that matter. so i thought i'd come here.
i'm currently struggling with this new diagnoses, friends and some other stuff like trying to quit smoking. thanks to whoever reads this, and if you feel like replying, no matter what the reply is, please do.
in a dream you saw a way to survive and you were full of joy.