Question Answered

    • Question Answered

      You could ask him if he knows any cases of sexsomnia or other somnias in his family. If yes he should get testet because as you told us, this effects his and your life.

      You could also test it. Lay down naked next to him but don't fall asleep. Pretend to be asleep. If he does it again confront him. And if you feel he did it on purpose throw him out. But do the first thing first. Maybe he just get's tested for sexsomnia and then you know if he is ill or a liar.

      If he crossed your line, really throw him out, that is unacceptable.
      curious open-minded short but not so short guy from Germany. open for conversations/PMs, all topics, all ages, all genders
    • I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. The intimacy of welcoming someone into your bed and your body is not to be taken lightly or made free use of it. Just because you're sexually active doesn't mean he has free use of your body.

      Him having had sex and not knowing about it is unlikely, plus the two of you not "remembering" is unlikely if you think about the statistics of this happening.

      Are you on birth control? That would be the first thing to make sure to work through and ensure there are no longer term consequences like pregnancy or STDs.

      And if you're feeling violated, be upfront with him about it. And it'll be something you have to work out. If you feel he did it while you were sleeping, then it is rape. If you don't want to report it, the question is can you forgive him for doing that if he admits it.

      Unfortunately, it could be something that ends the relationship if you have lost trust and he can't explain what happened.

      Again, sorry you find yourself in this situation, freshman year of college is a great time. I hope you are able to work through this and continue to enjoy it.
    • candicela wrote:

      renesd2015 wrote:

      I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. The intimacy of welcoming someone into your bed and your body is not to be taken lightly or made free use of it. Just because you're sexually active doesn't mean he has free use of your body.

      Him having had sex and not knowing about it is unlikely, plus the two of you not "remembering" is unlikely if you think about the statistics of this happening.

      Are you on birth control? That would be the first thing to make sure to work through and ensure there are no longer term consequences like pregnancy or STDs.

      And if you're feeling violated, be upfront with him about it. And it'll be something you have to work out. If you feel he did it while you were sleeping, then it is rape. If you don't want to report it, the question is can you forgive him for doing that if he admits it.

      Unfortunately, it could be something that ends the relationship if you have lost trust and he can't explain what happened.

      Again, sorry you find yourself in this situation, freshman year of college is a great time. I hope you are able to work through this and continue to enjoy it.
      I appreciate your feedback, and have a few questions...
      How can you be certain that he wasn't asleep for the ordeal? I would hate to destroy my relationship over assumptions. To your second point that "the two of you not "remembering" is unlikely", are you insinuating that me not remembering the encounter is unlikely? I assure you, I do not.

      I am on birth control, and we're both clean, we've been exclusive for 2 years. Regarding being up-front, I was, and he seemed to genuinely not know what I was talking about or remember doing anything. If he were to come clean and admit it, I could definitely forgive him for it and re-establish our boundaries.

      I'm glad you are on birth control. Good for you!

      I am not certain of anything, except the likelihood of two people having sex and neither remembering is incredibly high, although not impossible. I am also not trying to make you doubt him. The only two people who could possibly know what happened is the two of you.

      If you believe he was genuine in his response, then it really is up to you to work through what happened so you can reset your boundaries.

      Good luck!