I feel stuck in the past

    • I feel stuck in the past

      I'm a junior in high school and I really like this girl, J. But the thing is, I haven't really seen her since 8th grade. It was very obvious that we liked each other. She hugged me alot, I went over her house sometimes, and she was pretty much the only person I ever had physical contact with. He would lean on each other and hug and spend a lot of time together and whatnont. From the end of 8th grade to the middle of 9th grade, I was in a toxic relationship. I didn't like the toxic girl, I liked J, but I couldn't bring myself to say it, so I dated the other girl who confessed to me. For a bit less than a year I put up this facade. I still talked to J for a while, and she told me she cried about me dating the toxic girl. A couple months after I broke up with the toxic girl, I realized I liked J again. It festered for a really long time, from end of 9th grade to early 11th grade, before I finally tried to talk to her again. It worked, and after a few days, at night, and with convincing from a friend, I laid it all out to her. The logical part of me all along knew that she didn't like me anymore, but my emotional side would not have it. She, of course, rejected me.
      All this time, before that, people told me to tell J I liked her, that I'd feel better.
      I did, for a few weeks. But I ran into her a few weeks ago, and she was the exact same as I remember her. It hurt so much, the work I was doing was noticeably slowed down and the person I was helping commented on it. I chalked it up to being tired.
      The day after, I tried to reach out again. I asked if we could be friends again, hoping to get closer, and she kinda dodged the question, saying "were we not before? lol"
      We talked for like 5 hours that day, but haven't done that since. I think it was because we were reminiscing and catching up. You can only do that so much.
      I realized a few days later that she never was the one to start conversations.
      I really don't know what to do. Should I be up front and tell her again, ask her if she wants to come over some time, try to move on (and if yes, what do I do?), try to spark more conversations?
      It still hurts, I still really long for her, and I've done everything people have told me. Nothing worked. Any help is appreciated.
    • I would start by showing her what you've written here, emphasizing how you always liked her but were just too shy to tell her, and that you made a mistake by getting involved with someone else. And even though you've already laid it all out to her before, sometimes it helps to tell someone again. J might have still been hurt the first time you told her - which would explain why she rejected you. She might be in an emotionally better position, now, to hear the explanation.

      We're all human, we all make mistakes. But at least you've learned from yours.

      It's a good sign that J talked with you for five hours, the other day.

      I think it's a good idea to ask J if she wants to come over some time (and set a specific day and time that's good for her).
      Ask her what would she like to do (and maybe offer a few suggestions; "how about a movie", "what would you like to do", "would you like to go somewhere", etc.) Maybe even just go for a walk together, asking her what's been going on in her life.

      J may be a very sensitive person and still feels hurt - but that should heal in time. Getting to know each other again and spending time together, enjoying each other's company, is an excellent balm to ease the pain of a "break up".

      I hope everything works out for you both. :)
    • This girl doesn't seem too deep and you are appearing too deep, over analyzing the situation you both have. Have you tried having fun with this girl? Like going out bowling, carnival. (Something on those lines) Try being spontaneous, touch her more often like on the shoulder or play with her hair, in a fun manner. Tell her she's pretty and your simply interested. Some girls don't want to go with boring, talking, sharing emotion things. Act normal.