I feel a bit burned out and like I lost my feelings...

    • I feel a bit burned out and like I lost my feelings...

      Hello community! :freehugs:
      That's my first post here because I am really don't know what to do anymore, I just need help.

      The situation is:
      I've been seeing this guy for around 7 months. He was passive from the beginning. I had to initiate everything at the beginning, then it got a bit better from his side (I talked to him about that for more than one time and then he asked me out more) but now it's almost the same again. :)

      He's a very nice person and from one side he acts interested BUT ONLY if I initiate something. For example when I call he says at the end that he's glad I called etc.
      We didn't see each other for two months now due to exams etc. and a few days ago we had the chance to see each other for literally 2 minutes, then again a few days later we saw each other for another 2 minutes (just had to give him something) and I know it sounds stupid but he didn't even greet me with a hug or anything (he only does if I do) or when we say goodbye he just walks away like we're friends, lol.

      He doesn't initiate almost anything at all and I'm also talking about phone calls since I am the one who ALWAYS has to call first.

      I just feel tired of it. I'm exhausted I don't feel like initiating calls and meetings or always being the first one to give him a hug each time we see each other anymore. Like come on, we didn't see each other for two months face to face and he just greets me like some friend...

      After these 7 months, it all made me feel sort of empty, like I lost all of my feelings for him... I think that a relationship is about giving and taking and I just feel like I'm doing all the giving... No idea if I should even continue this. :(

      I don't even know if that's a relationship. I have no idea what that even is. We acted like a couple for some time and I thought we would be together but as you can see, I lack affection and have to initiate everything and it just makes me sad and tired.

      I hope someone can help me.
    • He doesn't sound very enthusiastic about the relationship. He may not be that interested but isn't comfortable saying anything.

      I know we need to social distance but if he didn't hug you unless you hugged him first (before the covid19 virus ever existed), he might just not be that into you.

      If you've already had sex with him, he might not be interested anymore because he already got what he wanted.

      I would tell him that I'm not going to call him and that if he wants to talk to me, he can call (and see what he does). You can explain to him why you're doing it. And if he doesn't seem interested, I'd maybe look for another boyfriend.

      I can understand why you feel sort of empty, like you lost all of your feelings for him. I would, too. The relationship just seems too one-sided right now.
    • has he any previous relationship? any bad experiences/memories with a girl before in his past ? you may want to talk this out. don't ask this purposely.. just ask casually. because some boys if they are sensitive, they may not react easily. They may need more trust inside.

      If they are hurt by any other person / betrayed friendship can hurt them severely. So they have trust issues. They won't trust them very easily. They test and wait a lot until they feel that you are safe. May be he is one of that person.
    • He has never had a girlfriend before and because of that, he is very insecure when it comes to relationships. I noticed that he often doesn't know how to act and that he's thinking if he acted in the right way. I think he doesn't want to embarass himself or act in "a weird way" or something. Besides telling him that everything is fine with him and he shouldn't worry, I don't know what else to do.

      It goes like this: when I open up, he opens up, when I don't, he doesn't. I always have to be the initiatior for him to feel secure because he can't do anything wrong if I initiate everything.

      You might be right, he might be testing if I'm safe enough every time because when we spend a bit more time together, he opens up but that means that I need to prove him that I am safe every time we call, meet etc., which is incredibly exhausting. I just think he still doesn't understand the concept of a relationship and not sure if I should just end it or try again and again.

      Thank you for the answers!
    • entese wrote:

      I just think he still doesn't understand the concept of a relationship and not sure if I should just end it or try again and again.

      If I learned one thing, it's that clichés of men and women are always right at a certain level in a partnership. Especially on the communicative level. In our partnership it was too a learning process for both of us. We quickly found our solution. Instead of secretly expecting the partner to understand by tiome what is expected, we started straight talking about every point,which we found confusing or very strange about the behavior of the other and such.

      You should make it clear what you expect from him. Put all things you find straight to one point, once for all.