Hello,I am Jim and I am (almost) 17 years old. I live with my mother (42),my stepfather (37) and my half-brother (9). Here’s my problem:
About10 days ago I brought my girlfriend to our home to spend the weekendtogether. I didn’t hide it from my parents. I have to tell you thatwasn’t the first time, I can count 4 more weekends we spent thenight together. But this time there was an incident. Atabout 1:00 am as we were having sex, my brother came to my room andsaw us. He immediately closed the door and left the room. It was awkward for both of us but I told her it’s not a big deal. The nextmorning we had breakfast and she went back to her home (she lied toher parents about being at her best friend’s house for asleepover).Then my mother confronted me and told me that my brother went to myparent’s room and was crying for almost the whole night cause of what he “saw”. We were arguing about that foralmost 2 hours. She was accusing me for everything like a typical mother:
“Youare are selfish, careless, worthless like your father”
“Youdon’t care about anyone except yourself”
“Whatif you caused a trauma to your brother”
“Yourbrain is non-functional”
etc.
Mystep father was trying to support me:
“Letthe boyhave fun, now that he is still young” etc.
But truth is, he is completely powerless against her. She just told him not to interfere when she is trying to “beat some sense” to “her own”son. So the conclusion was me getting grounded for 1 month. Which means no PC, no bike, no girls in the house for1 month.My mother never punished me after my 12thbirthday and it seemed so stupid for a guy who is almost 17 years old to get grounded. So I just couldn’t accept her punishment,I mean she didn’t gave me much of a choice banning everything from me except my smartphone,right? So… not only I used my bike, I even brought my girlfriend to the house for this weekend and we saw a movie onmy PC. My mom had seen us but she didn’t said anything in front ofmy girlfriend, I didn’t knew had a hidden agenda though.
Once my girlfriend left the next morning, I took a bath and when I finished I just couldn’t believe what my mom did. She unplugged all of the PC cables and cut them with scissors (I guess because she didn’t know how to release the PC).She took the main frame computer and locked it to her closet telling me that she will break it if I take it back. She even hide my bike keys. She also told me that if I ever bring a girl to this house without her permission again she will embarrass me in front of her or even call her parents and tell them everything.
Allof these things came to my head as a complete shock, I was so angry about it, I tried to say something but she acted like she didn’t heard anything. She just raised her hand pointing to my room,implying that I should just shut my mouth and go to my room. I went to my room and I even cried about it because I was so mad atthat moment for being unable to do anything. I ‘ve never cried for almost 4 years and it felt sostrange. The next Monday, since it was the beginning of the month, mymom gave me my“monthly allowance”but instead of giving me 200 euros likeshe used to she gave me 20 telling me that I don’t need much since there’s is an upcoming lockdown anyway. But I really believe she did that on purpose to “punish” me even more. On Tuesday (yesterday) I asked her for how long am I grounded and she told me “Till you learn to respect me”.
This whole situation sucks. I cannot help myself, I even startto develop some hatred towards my brother even though I know it’s not his fault. Besides,the weekend is coming and I don’t want to lose it. My girlfriend also wants to spent the night at my home. I don’t wantto tell her that I am grounded, that’s too embarrassing. I asked mystep father for help but like I mentioned before he is too powerless against her. He gave me some money but he told me she would “execute”him if she ever finds out about it.
SoI am asking for help or an advice or anything.
Is there anything I can do to convince my mom right now?
Would it be wise to disobey her again?
Whose fault is it to begin with? Is it really mine?
Or maybe my mom just overreacted?
About10 days ago I brought my girlfriend to our home to spend the weekendtogether. I didn’t hide it from my parents. I have to tell you thatwasn’t the first time, I can count 4 more weekends we spent thenight together. But this time there was an incident. Atabout 1:00 am as we were having sex, my brother came to my room andsaw us. He immediately closed the door and left the room. It was awkward for both of us but I told her it’s not a big deal. The nextmorning we had breakfast and she went back to her home (she lied toher parents about being at her best friend’s house for asleepover).Then my mother confronted me and told me that my brother went to myparent’s room and was crying for almost the whole night cause of what he “saw”. We were arguing about that foralmost 2 hours. She was accusing me for everything like a typical mother:
“Youare are selfish, careless, worthless like your father”
“Youdon’t care about anyone except yourself”
“Whatif you caused a trauma to your brother”
“Yourbrain is non-functional”
etc.
Mystep father was trying to support me:
“Letthe boyhave fun, now that he is still young” etc.
But truth is, he is completely powerless against her. She just told him not to interfere when she is trying to “beat some sense” to “her own”son. So the conclusion was me getting grounded for 1 month. Which means no PC, no bike, no girls in the house for1 month.My mother never punished me after my 12thbirthday and it seemed so stupid for a guy who is almost 17 years old to get grounded. So I just couldn’t accept her punishment,I mean she didn’t gave me much of a choice banning everything from me except my smartphone,right? So… not only I used my bike, I even brought my girlfriend to the house for this weekend and we saw a movie onmy PC. My mom had seen us but she didn’t said anything in front ofmy girlfriend, I didn’t knew had a hidden agenda though.
Once my girlfriend left the next morning, I took a bath and when I finished I just couldn’t believe what my mom did. She unplugged all of the PC cables and cut them with scissors (I guess because she didn’t know how to release the PC).She took the main frame computer and locked it to her closet telling me that she will break it if I take it back. She even hide my bike keys. She also told me that if I ever bring a girl to this house without her permission again she will embarrass me in front of her or even call her parents and tell them everything.
Allof these things came to my head as a complete shock, I was so angry about it, I tried to say something but she acted like she didn’t heard anything. She just raised her hand pointing to my room,implying that I should just shut my mouth and go to my room. I went to my room and I even cried about it because I was so mad atthat moment for being unable to do anything. I ‘ve never cried for almost 4 years and it felt sostrange. The next Monday, since it was the beginning of the month, mymom gave me my“monthly allowance”but instead of giving me 200 euros likeshe used to she gave me 20 telling me that I don’t need much since there’s is an upcoming lockdown anyway. But I really believe she did that on purpose to “punish” me even more. On Tuesday (yesterday) I asked her for how long am I grounded and she told me “Till you learn to respect me”.
This whole situation sucks. I cannot help myself, I even startto develop some hatred towards my brother even though I know it’s not his fault. Besides,the weekend is coming and I don’t want to lose it. My girlfriend also wants to spent the night at my home. I don’t wantto tell her that I am grounded, that’s too embarrassing. I asked mystep father for help but like I mentioned before he is too powerless against her. He gave me some money but he told me she would “execute”him if she ever finds out about it.
SoI am asking for help or an advice or anything.
Is there anything I can do to convince my mom right now?
Would it be wise to disobey her again?
Whose fault is it to begin with? Is it really mine?
Or maybe my mom just overreacted?