I wished I was born a boy but I'm non-binary

    • I wished I was born a boy but I'm non-binary

      I was born a female but I have more stereotypical boy interests than I do girls. Never really had dolls, played with toy vehicles and I participate more in boy sports and boy games. I have more guy friends and the female friends I've had are ones I've been interested in or are related to my guy friends. I dress more gender neutral but there are days that I definitely dress more female.

      Maybe that makes me a tomboy. Everyone thinks that I'm a transgender male or I will be in the future. I just want to be me even if it's abnormal or confusing.

      I identify as non-binary but I'm being told I need to choose a gender neutral name. The way I see it, is since I am a girl, I have a girl's name. I'll only consider a gender neutral name when I know for sure who I am. I've been using thy, them, their pronouns since I was 11.

      Do I just live each day as it goes and hope that I can find my gender identity?

      Or do I cave in after my twins are born and look at transitioning into a guy? That's what everyone except my current boyfriend is telling me to do. The only thing he says if he would support my decision because whatever makes me happy will make him happy. Nearly everyone is saying that HRT is reversible so there's no damage.

      Do I really need to make this decision at the age of 16? Can I wait till I'm an adult?

      If you were in this situation, what would you do?

    • It sounds like you are in a very complex position. If I understand you (and your bio) rightly, you are currently pregnant with twins (?). Clearly you have a lot on your mind right now.

      Gender alone is a very complex issue. As you say, just liking stereotypically 'boy things' doesn't necessarily make you a boy. Identity can be an absolute minefield. It must be far more complicated with the matter of pregnancy on your mind.

      I would tend to agree with your boyfriend. There is NO NEED or urgency to you making decisions on these 'labels'. You shouldn't feel pressured into making that giant decision. You should do so at your own pace.

      I have a friend who currently considers themselves non binary. Like you, they were born biologically female. For a period, they identified as a boy but now are not so sure. I think that shows the very difficult struggle that people in your position go through on discovering gender identity.

      It must be even more complicated for you given the stresses brought about by your pregnancy.

      I certainly wouldn't worry what your so-called friends or the "everyone" you refer to think. This is a decision that affects you and, really, you alone.

      I would suggest you discuss these matters with someone trusted and perhaps with professional experience.

      My friend I mentioned sees a therapist and they say that helps them get things clear. Maybe that would help you. It would probably help to discuss your options with a professional - they will be able to give you more extensive facts about HRT etc.

      Have you also spoken to your parents about the matter? Are they accepting?

      I'm sorry that's probably not much help.

      If you want to speak about stuff just to let off steam or anything, feel free to DM me on here.

    • I could come out with something long :sleeping: but honestly be you. Nothing has to be just boy or girl (clothes, sports or anything else). If you feel confident being yourself, in how you look, what you do, or how you act. People will respect you for being the person you are, and if they don't that's their problem :P

      Good Friend :play: Kinda Romantic :love: Ready to Rock :zomg:

      "If you try to follow fashion you'll always be chasing, and probably never catch it. If you be yourself and make your own style, fashion might just bump into you one day."

    • No longer in Use wrote:

      It sounds like you are in a very complex position.

      Gender alone is a very complex issue. As you say, just liking stereotypically 'boy things' doesn't necessarily make you a boy. Identity can be an absolute minefield. It must be far more complicated with the matter of pregnancy on your mind.

      I would tend to agree with your boyfriend. There is NO NEED or urgency to you making decisions on these 'labels'. You shouldn't feel pressured into making that giant decision. You should do so at your own pace.

      It must be even more complicated for you given the stresses brought about by your pregnancy.

      I certainly wouldn't worry what your so-called friends or the "everyone" you refer to think. This is a decision that affects you and, really, you alone.

      I would suggest you discuss these matters with someone trusted and perhaps with professional experience.

      Have you also spoken to your parents about the matter? Are they accepting?
      Thank you for your detailed response. I appreciate you taking the time by reading and responding.

      You're right that my main focus should be having a healthy pregnancy. I should dilute the trash and put this on the back burner and not make a irrational decision.

      I've been seeing a counselor for a few years now, I've discussed everything from being adopted, living with pervasive developmental disorder (part of the autism family), my sexuality, and even my gender identity. She has been very supportive but she's also been the key proponent of me trying to transition.

      I've talked to my pediatrician about this, she's ready to give me a referral to see a doctor to get put on HRT when I'm interested in doing so.

      Not that this is relevant here, my current boyfriend is not the babies father. Plus, due to my age, as well as not wanting to put a burden on anyone else, I'm working with an adoption agency to find them a loving family.

      My parents want me happy and that is why they think I should start transitioning after the babies are born. They want me to be the boy that I was born to be. I'm the middle child of three and I have the same traits as my younger brother than my older sister. My brother would be a little disappointed if I was no longer his big sis, while my sister no longer wants to have a younger sister.

      After I started this thread, I started a pros and cons list on whether I should start transitioning shortly after the twins are born. I've stored it in a folder and I'll likely cross reference it when I make a similar list after the twins are adopted.

    • BJade wrote:

      I could come out with something long :sleeping: but honestly be you. Nothing has to be just boy or girl (clothes, sports or anything else). If you feel confident being yourself, in how you look, what you do, or how you act. People will respect you for being the person you are, and if they don't that's their problem :P
      Thank you!

    • JustHopeAZ wrote:

      No longer in Use wrote:

      It sounds like you are in a very complex position.

      Gender alone is a very complex issue. As you say, just liking stereotypically 'boy things' doesn't necessarily make you a boy. Identity can be an absolute minefield. It must be far more complicated with the matter of pregnancy on your mind.

      I would tend to agree with your boyfriend. There is NO NEED or urgency to you making decisions on these 'labels'. You shouldn't feel pressured into making that giant decision. You should do so at your own pace.

      It must be even more complicated for you given the stresses brought about by your pregnancy.

      I certainly wouldn't worry what your so-called friends or the "everyone" you refer to think. This is a decision that affects you and, really, you alone.

      I would suggest you discuss these matters with someone trusted and perhaps with professional experience.

      Have you also spoken to your parents about the matter? Are they accepting?
      Thank you for your detailed response. I appreciate you taking the time by reading and responding.
      You're right that my main focus should be having a healthy pregnancy. I should dilute the trash and put this on the back burner and not make a irrational decision.

      I've been seeing a counselor for a few years now, I've discussed everything from being adopted, living with pervasive developmental disorder (part of the autism family), my sexuality, and even my gender identity. She has been very supportive but she's also been the key proponent of me trying to transition.

      I've talked to my pediatrician about this, she's ready to give me a referral to see a doctor to get put on HRT when I'm interested in doing so.

      Not that this is relevant here, my current boyfriend is not the babies father. Plus, due to my age, as well as not wanting to put a burden on anyone else, I'm working with an adoption agency to find them a loving family.

      My parents want me happy and that is why they think I should start transitioning after the babies are born. They want me to be the boy that I was born to be. I'm the middle child of three and I have the same traits as my younger brother than my older sister. My brother would be a little disappointed if I was no longer his big sis, while my sister no longer wants to have a younger sister.

      After I started this thread, I started a pros and cons list on whether I should start transitioning shortly after the twins are born. I've stored it in a folder and I'll likely cross reference it when I make a similar list after the twins are adopted.
      I'm glad you seem to be getting some help and advice. As others have said, be yourself and do what makes you happy.

      I hope all goes well with your journey wherever that may lead you!

    • The others basically summed up what i'd have said. I wish you the best of luck in finding out your identify and thati i really recommend you just be patient and that you dont need to decide now. Its okay to still be deciding and in fact you dont even need to. We humans just love giving ourselves labels so we feel more comfy. Be yourself and let the self discovery journey go on.

    • JustHopeAZ wrote:

      I was born a female but I have more stereotypical boy interests than I do girls. Never really had dolls, played with toy vehicles and I participate more in boy sports and boy games. I have more guy friends and the female friends I've had are ones I've been interested in or are related to my guy friends. I dress more gender neutral but there are days that I definitely dress more female.

      Maybe that makes me a tomboy. Everyone thinks that I'm a transgender male or I will be in the future. I just want to be me even if it's abnormal or confusing.

      I identify as non-binary but I'm being told I need to choose a gender neutral name. The way I see it, is since I am a girl, I have a girl's name. I'll only consider a gender neutral name when I know for sure who I am. I've been using thy, them, their pronouns since I was 11.

      Do I just live each day as it goes and hope that I can find my gender identity?

      Or do I cave in after my twins are born and look at transitioning into a guy? That's what everyone except my current boyfriend is telling me to do. The only thing he says if he would support my decision because whatever makes me happy will make him happy. Nearly everyone is saying that HRT is reversible so there's no damage.

      Do I really need to make this decision at the age of 16? Can I wait till I'm an adult?

      If you were in this situation, what would you do?

      Just because you are more into "boys stuff " than girls, that doesn't make you a boy.
      Nor something other than a girl.
      Come on this is the 21st century. Some girls are into football, rugby, coaching or can repair cars, that doesn't make them boys. And some guys like pink, shopping, or are child minders. Nothing wrong with that.
      That doesn't make them girls

      Do you mind having to wear girls clothes ? Do you have a problem with your name ? Or that people refer to you as "she" ?
      Or when your parents say this is my daughter, do you feel they should use another word ?