Seeing my best friend in a new way

    • Seeing my best friend in a new way

      I've been friends with this girl since 5th grade. We've been like best friends since 6th. I've always thought she was smart, kind, really funny, just an amazing person. It's probably been the past couple of months that I've really started to notice her looks more and have different feelings about her that I'm not used to and I think its love. It's always been super easy to talk to her but now I struggle to find the words to say and my stomach feels like it's getting destroyed by nervousness. I want to tell her how I feel but I don't know what to say or do or if she even feels the same way back. This is all such a new experience to me and I already don't do well when I'm nervous in situations, or with rejection. Please please please help me not screw this up :lovey:
    • Wow thats so sweet :) I really hope this works out

      It can be tricky if you are already deep in the friends zone. My advice is to not come out really heavy like suddenly say 'i think I am in love with you'. That can be a little overwhelming.

      But if you noticed her looks, maybe compliment her on it? She will realise you look at her that way and maybe think about you differently then as well.

      And instead of hanging out with her, actually ask her out? The difference is not easy to tell if you are already friends... but give it a shot!

      And dont forget to keep doing what you were doing, as in being her friend and interested in her as a person.

      Good luck and please let us know!!!! <3 <3 <3
      Feel free to send me a message!
    • sasha12hollandx wrote:

      Wow thats so sweet :) I really hope this works out

      It can be tricky if you are already deep in the friends zone. My advice is to not come out really heavy like suddenly say 'i think I am in love with you'. That can be a little overwhelming.

      But if you noticed her looks, maybe compliment her on it? She will realise you look at her that way and maybe think about you differently then as well.

      And instead of hanging out with her, actually ask her out? The difference is not easy to tell if you are already friends... but give it a shot!

      And dont forget to keep doing what you were doing, as in being her friend and interested in her as a person.

      Good luck and please let us know!!!! <3 <3 <3
      I would definitely approach her in a very confident manner but yet not too cocky.

      If she says no, it may not necessarily be you. Her parents may say she's too young to date or she may ready to date.

      Whether you date or not, don't change anything and continue to be the person you are.

      I too wish you the best.
    • I certainly don't want to come on to strong and freak her out but I'm sure she knows something is going on. She's caught me lots of times watching her and me getting embarrassed when she notices. I dont want to ruin our friendship either by having her reject me or not feel the same way. She has been a really great friend. I dont know if she would really get what I am asking if I were to ask her out since it's a pretty common phrase we both use. "Let's go out and do this or that tonight." I think the path I would have to take to telling her would have to involve a pretty direct wording. Of course how on earth do I be subtlety direct about my feelings in a way that doesn't freak her out? :rolleyes: Quote something from Shakespeare that fits my situation? I know she likes reading his stuff and she does say its cute when I try to quote Shakespeare but mess up the lines horribly.
    • I'd really wait a bit to see if your feelings change or not. Sasha's advice is something i really recommend going with.

      Get to know her more and get over your nervousness of talking with her. Shes your friend, the one you known for like your whole life and feel really close with. She hasnt changed and you dont need to treat her differently. Be yourself and in your own subtle way just let her know you really care about her and may want more. She may show signs or just outright ask you out if shes that brave. If you do ask her out make sure its in a good mood and that if she says no you'll try your best to not make it awkward.
    • You guys do bring up some good points. This isn't something that I just realized the other day. I've been thinking about this for a couple of months now before deciding that these feelings aren't just a impulse. I really feel like I've developed feelings for her beyond what I used to feel. I think I'm ready to be in a relationship. I mean we're 8th graders. Yes on the other side of things it does scare me that I could lose her as a friend if this went wrong but I don't believe that will happen. I know I need to be careful about how I talk to her about this because I don't just want to blurt out I love you to her but I want to do something that does show confidence and that I do want to be more than friends with her. Something that would make me look...cute doing it but maybe without my guy friends finding out about it. Is there something I can do or is it to much or a hopeless idea? I'm probably way over thinking this and should just stick with something simple
    • I have sort of subtly hinted to her that my thoughts about her have been changing by complimenting her looks more and how cute an outfit makes her look. I did some of my own "research" and looked around online for some tips because the internet is never wrong :rolleyes: The only good thing I think I found was something mentioned writing in chalk "Will you go on a date with me?" And include her name. Then take her on a walk and we come across and she will see it and time will probably freeze while I'm screaming at myself inside for going through with this until she says something. This seems like a cute way to do it, right? She will like this? :lovey:
    • Hmm, I dunno. It sounds super sweet and romantic, but also like something from a movie. It seems a bit too BIG for me. Remember that for you it has been building up for months but for her this is all totally new.

      If it was me I still would probably say yes to this, but you could maybe be a bit more casual about it? Ask her to go somewhere nice with you, and then casually clarify you mean: as a date?
      Feel free to send me a message!
    • I don't think the idea of making it a really big event is a good one because it will put pressure on her that she doesn't need to have. It sounds like you have a lot going for you already with her as a good friend so just asking her directly if you can be romantic partners rather than friends will probably be very hard for you, but likely to get a better reaction from her than some kind of event you might make to look romantic.
    • Right. That makes sense. Always good to get a girls perspective on things. She taught me that. I should just keep things simple and low pressure for her. Ask her to a movie, have a fun night together, maybe casually slip in some hand holding as just a sign I might be interested in her, and then if everything goes well tell her I'm developing romantic feelings for her? Or is that still to much?
    • I think movies or doing something together sounds perfect :love:

      If you hold her hand I think that would give her an idea you like her :D

      I'm not sure about telling her you are developing feelings. Kinda depends how you say it. On a first date saying "I'm falling in love with you" would probably be to much. But saying "I really enjoy spending time with you, and would like to again" gives her the chance to say she likes it to. Kinda confession of feeling without saying it :D (everything can be a little overwhelming and scary at first)

      Good Friend :play: Kinda Romantic :love: Ready to Rock :zomg:

      “I don’t care what they’re going to say.
      Let the storm rage on.
      The cold never bothered me anyway.”
    • BJade wrote:

      I think movies or doing something together sounds perfect :love:

      If you hold her hand I think that would give her an idea you like her :D

      I'm not sure about telling her you are developing feelings. Kinda depends how you say it. On a first date saying "I'm falling in love with you" would probably be to much. But saying "I really enjoy spending time with you, and would like to again" gives her the chance to say she likes it to. Kinda confession of feeling without saying it :D (everything can be a little overwhelming and scary at first)
      I get what you are saying, but already being friends and spending a fair amount of time together makes me feel like I need to push things slightly further so it doesn't just feel like another night out as friends but a actually date. Saying I enjoy spending time with her and want to spend more time with her doesn't feel like it leaves the friends stage and enters a relationship stage. But you are a girl and know a lot more than I do and if you think what you said before is best then I'll do it
    • Judenator wrote:

      BJade wrote:

      I think movies or doing something together sounds perfect :love:

      If you hold her hand I think that would give her an idea you like her :D

      I'm not sure about telling her you are developing feelings. Kinda depends how you say it. On a first date saying "I'm falling in love with you" would probably be to much. But saying "I really enjoy spending time with you, and would like to again" gives her the chance to say she likes it to. Kinda confession of feeling without saying it :D (everything can be a little overwhelming and scary at first)
      I get what you are saying, but already being friends and spending a fair amount of time together makes me feel like I need to push things slightly further so it doesn't just feel like another night out as friends but a actually date. Saying I enjoy spending time with her and want to spend more time with her doesn't feel like it leaves the friends stage and enters a relationship stage. But you are a girl and know a lot more than I do and if you think what you said before is best then I'll do it
      if your holding hands and maybe putting an arm round her. Things that you probably wouldn't do as just friends. But not to much that you scare her (maybe she feels the same way and doing that she'd want to kiss)

      Yeah I get making difference "I like you" as a friend, or romantically is hard to do when your good friends already. Was just meaning saying "i love you" statements might be to much. But if she said she liked being with you, you could ask "as more than just friends?"

      Good Friend :play: Kinda Romantic :love: Ready to Rock :zomg:

      “I don’t care what they’re going to say.
      Let the storm rage on.
      The cold never bothered me anyway.”
    • BJade wrote:

      Judenator wrote:

      BJade wrote:

      I think movies or doing something together sounds perfect :love:

      If you hold her hand I think that would give her an idea you like her :D

      I'm not sure about telling her you are developing feelings. Kinda depends how you say it. On a first date saying "I'm falling in love with you" would probably be to much. But saying "I really enjoy spending time with you, and would like to again" gives her the chance to say she likes it to. Kinda confession of feeling without saying it :D (everything can be a little overwhelming and scary at first)
      I get what you are saying, but already being friends and spending a fair amount of time together makes me feel like I need to push things slightly further so it doesn't just feel like another night out as friends but a actually date. Saying I enjoy spending time with her and want to spend more time with her doesn't feel like it leaves the friends stage and enters a relationship stage. But you are a girl and know a lot more than I do and if you think what you said before is best then I'll do it
      if your holding hands and maybe putting an arm round her. Things that you probably wouldn't do as just friends. But not to much that you scare her (maybe she feels the same way and doing that she'd want to kiss)
      Yeah I get making difference "I like you" as a friend, or romantically is hard to do when your good friends already. Was just meaning saying "i love you" statements might be to much. But if she said she liked being with you, you could ask "as more than just friends?"
      I understand I think. My actions might show her how I feel better than words, just don't overdo it. I like that idea of putting my arm around her. If she's OK with the hand holding then that could be my next move maybe? She said she will see a movie tomorrow night with me so now I just have to not screw this up tomorrow. I have to actually have confidence for once in my life X/
    • Update time. The night was going well I think. I was able to hold her hand a few times throughout the night. I couldn't work up the courage to try and put my arm around her. We had fun though. I tried to be extra nice all night. I walked her home and when we got there I told her how great it is spending time with her and she agreed. This is where I should have left it but I didn't. I asked her if spending time together as more than friends would be better. She just got really awkward and said she had to go. I've been hating myself for asking her that but I honestly thought she would just say yes right there. I mean she didn't say like no or something so there is still a chance at this right? Please tell me I haven't completely screwed this up? ;(
    • Look at the evidence : you had fun , she agreed that spending time with you is great. A screw-up would be when you lose your friendship completely with her. What you've done is been honest with her and now it's up to her to think about what she'll do next. I'm sure she's thinking hard about it. But nothing you've done is to screw it up and stop being friends with her.
    • I don't think that's a screw up. You told her something honestly (and probably the best way possibly). She didn't say no, so that probably means she's going to think about it. Think of how long and hard it was for you to understand the feelings you had for her. Now she's trying to work out those feelings for you. Not something you can do in a second or without feeling awkward

      Good Friend :play: Kinda Romantic :love: Ready to Rock :zomg:

      “I don’t care what they’re going to say.
      Let the storm rage on.
      The cold never bothered me anyway.”
    • Its been 24 hours. I sent her a txt earlier just asking her how she was doing but I never got a response. If you guys are right and she needs time to figure this out I understand that. I would just think some acknowledgement of this by now wouldn't be a lot to want. I've felt sick all day questioning whether or not I should have said anything but I also just want to go to her house and tell her everything about how my feelings have been changing these last couple months. It's driving me crazy. I've never been so conflicted with myself before. How the hell do people not go insane from dating?