I know this sounds kinda crazy but I get urges to be alone in darkness. Not daily or weekly but from time to time I isolate myself and I just sit in dark room or closet hugging shotgun and drinking Gin. Sometimes I get anxious during those times. I know people around me get upset and maybe a bit worried about me when I sit there all my own drinking and hugging gun. I also talk to myself.
After those periods I am usually kinda nice towards others and its like big huge stress has been lifted for a while until I repeat that cycle in a month or 2.
Its like darkness is my friend and I can only relax when its dark. But I also am aggressive during those periods. Gun or knife or something like that and I think violent thoughts those times.
It also has been less frequent during last year compared to when I was 14.
After those periods I am usually kinda nice towards others and its like big huge stress has been lifted for a while until I repeat that cycle in a month or 2.
Its like darkness is my friend and I can only relax when its dark. But I also am aggressive during those periods. Gun or knife or something like that and I think violent thoughts those times.
It also has been less frequent during last year compared to when I was 14.