Love of darkness

    • Love of darkness

      I know this sounds kinda crazy but I get urges to be alone in darkness. Not daily or weekly but from time to time I isolate myself and I just sit in dark room or closet hugging shotgun and drinking Gin. Sometimes I get anxious during those times. I know people around me get upset and maybe a bit worried about me when I sit there all my own drinking and hugging gun. I also talk to myself.

      After those periods I am usually kinda nice towards others and its like big huge stress has been lifted for a while until I repeat that cycle in a month or 2.

      Its like darkness is my friend and I can only relax when its dark. But I also am aggressive during those periods. Gun or knife or something like that and I think violent thoughts those times.
      It also has been less frequent during last year compared to when I was 14.

    • Snowfox wrote:

      I know this sounds kinda crazy but I get urges to be alone in darkness. Not daily or weekly but from time to time I isolate myself and I just sit in dark room or closet hugging shotgun and drinking Gin. Sometimes I get anxious during those times. I know people around me get upset and maybe a bit worried about me when I sit there all my own drinking and hugging gun. I also talk to myself.

      After those periods I am usually kinda nice towards others and its like big huge stress has been lifted for a while until I repeat that cycle in a month or 2.

      Its like darkness is my friend and I can only relax when its dark. But I also am aggressive during those periods. Gun or knife or something like that and I think violent thoughts those times.
      It also has been less frequent during last year compared to when I was 14.
      Sounds pretty dangerous. You shouldn't consult a specialist?

    • I usually like to spend time by myself, not talking to others etc but your situation seems a little extreme. Especially the shotgun part. Given that you also become violent during those moments I would consult a therapist or a psychologist. I think that talking about what makes behave like that (stress or problems you may face) is much better for you and others from what you're currently doing.

    • You see I used to be violent towards others when younger. I used to enjoy beating up people who pissed me of for some reason. It all started to slowly change for better when I met my girlfriend... she kinda tamed me to a degree.
      Also I have one very good friend whom I actually saved from getting beating by being violent towards pack of bullies who tornmented him. He also helps by talking some sence to me if things start to get out of controln I well kinda listen to him.
      Reasons for all of those are another and kinda long story.

      I also start that sulking period always by drinking booze. That doesnt mean I always become problematic when drunk. Most times I can use alcohol just fine. But sometimes I just kinda wander into dark place inside my soul and I stare into abyss and It stares back. I am I hope in process of shaking hands with my dark side. It is anyway part of me. Plus I wont talk to any shrink I love my guns way too much. They wouldnt understand. I would never use guns to hurt others. I would use knifes or fists but guns I see more like holy objects.

    • I do think you should talk to someone professional, get help, for real. Your posts scare the hell out of me. And would a psychologist 'take away your guns' then??

      Btw1: they probably should, teenagers owning guns is ridiculous

      Btw2: you think knives and fists cant seriously hurt or kill somebody?
      Feel free to send me a message!

    • sasha12hollandx wrote:

      I do think you should talk to someone professional, get help, for real. Your posts scare the hell out of me. And would a psychologist 'take away your guns' then??

      Btw1: they probably should, teenagers owning guns is ridiculous

      Btw2: you think knives and fists cant seriously hurt or kill somebody?
      I have to explain my self a bit here. I own guns because I and my family hunts . I own only 4 guns so far. 2 rifles and shotgun and airgun. I dont have any pistols or handgunsyet. maybe later....
      In Finland where I live minimum age for having a licence for hunting firearm (shotgun or rifle) is 15 years of age with parental permission.

      We make our own knifes in school as cultural thinh.. you know from scratch and I with forge and all those smithing tools etc.

      Do fists hurt yes. Kill you must be kidding? right

    • sasha12hollandx wrote:

      I do think you should talk to someone professional, get help, for real. Your posts scare the hell out of me. And would a psychologist 'take away your guns' then??

      Btw1: they probably should, teenagers owning guns is ridiculous

      Btw2: you think knives and fists cant seriously hurt or kill somebody?
      But I kinda get you in a wa. People around me are worried.. My older bro especially. and my GF and her kidbro etc.
      People dont seem to get why I love guns so much

    • Snowfox wrote:

      sasha12hollandx wrote:

      I do think you should talk to someone professional, get help, for real. Your posts scare the hell out of me. And would a psychologist 'take away your guns' then??

      Btw1: they probably should, teenagers owning guns is ridiculous

      Btw2: you think knives and fists cant seriously hurt or kill somebody?
      But I kinda get you in a wa. People around me are worried.. My older bro especially. and my GF and her kidbro etc.People dont seem to get why I love guns so much
      Ok, thank you for explaining a bit more. Your posts make me worried too. About you, and also people around you, or people you might run into when you are angry. You sound very casual about using violence.

      I think there should be very strict laws about guns and that for sure teenagers should not own them, thats my opinion.

      But you talk as if hurting people 'just with knives or fists' isnt serious. You never heard of people being beaten to death in a fight?

      Anyway, I dont mean to sound angry and I hope you can talk to somebody about your dark periods, a therapist or councellor or something.
      Feel free to send me a message!

    • sasha12hollandx wrote:

      But you talk as if hurting people 'just with knives or fists' isnt serious. You never heard of people being beaten to death in a fight?
      Hmm yes it happens sometimes. I wouldnt do that... I hope so.
      Those times when I have been violent towards others it has been more or less protecting myself or someone else. But I have bad habit to beating people viciously.
      Few times my friends got into holding me.
      I have also been send to home for 2 weeks because of fights twice. Anyway most of that is past and last 2 years has been kinda nonviolent time. And you can say its because my GF doesnt like me hurting others. I kinda do as she wants.

      Have you ever met boys who easily get into fights?

      and as side note kids get involved with guns kinda often around here. Its seen kinda normal because boys have to do mandatory military service anyways...

    • KONnik wrote:

      Snowfox wrote:

      and as side note kids get involved with guns kinda often around here. Its seen kinda normal because boys have to do mandatory military service anyways...
      In my country military is also mandatory but I've never met a guy my age with a gun. You said you're violent and you should seriously get help dude.
      I know and I am getting it. Compared to times 2 years ago I have made progress. It just doesnt happen overnight.
      Boxing is my therapy and boxing coach is my therapist. Also Judo and Sensei do that too