Need your opinion on this

Lazybird · Nov 21st 2021, 1:19pm

I was wondering...
Is it considered as sexual abuse if you didn't want to have sexual intercourse but still said yes, because you didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings/ruin the mood ?
the relationship in itself was toxic and abusive : he yelled at me, guilt tripped me, tried to isolate me from most of my friends, acted distant almost all the time etc etc..
when we had sex, it was almost always painful, but still we did it every time we saw each other (once a week) because I thought that it was only during these moments he actually looked at me. that wasn't really true of course, because even when we did it, he was distant, he had no expression on his face, there was practically no tenderness. During that one time I really didn't want to do it, I felt like an object...but I didn't want to tell him to stop bc I didn't want to ruin the mood and when I told him later, I forced myself to do it with him, he got angry with me, saying that I made him feel like shit, that I'd hurt his feelings.
so yeah.. I just wanted to know, how would that be considered, knowing that I always said yes instead of telling him to stop?

tfkbuggy · Nov 21st 2021, 1:24pm

I think yes

maseb · Nov 21st 2021, 2:40pm

I would say it's abusive

Pultost · Nov 21st 2021, 3:27pm

It's definitely abuse. He sounds like a manipulative bastard. I'd get away from him if I were you.

BJade · Nov 21st 2021, 3:42pm

that's horrible

leave him, get as far away from being with him that you can

and worn any girls about his behaviour

CayceDouble · Nov 21st 2021, 3:50pm

This is abusive and controlling, and it won't get better by giving in to him (it actually encourages and enables an abuser)

Seek some help from family or friends if you don't think you can end this by yourself. I know it may feel embarrassing or shameful on your end, but I promise you that others around you will understand and be supportive. Trust me, no one wants to be in a relationship like this....and you can recover, move on, and be happy (though I know its not easy)

jennypenne · Nov 24th 2021, 2:13pm

It's definitely abuse. If you need someone to talk to about what to do next, feel free to drop me a message, though, really, it's much better to just end things with this person, maybe talk to a professional about it (therapist, not a hitman), and recover as best you can. Recovery from this sort of thing is possible (trust me, I've been there, lots of us have), it takes time and work, but is worth it entirely because you end up getting yourself back.

Ludicolo · Nov 25th 2021, 12:33am

You need to work on vocally saying no in the future, that way the message is clear

zinia · Nov 26th 2021, 10:24am

It is, maybe in court he’s get away with because you consented but it should be very obvious if you’re in a relationship and don’t want to / don’t enjoy it / are hurt

naturelover-VT · Nov 26th 2021, 6:40pm

I am not a lawyer, but i would say it is not abuse. you did not say "no" and you did not object to it.
But it would be a sexual compulsion.

Lazybird · Nov 29th 2021, 6:28am

Thank you guys for all your replies, don't worry, I've already left him a few months ago, but it's just that it's still kinda hard to think about what happened, I always felt guilty forcing myself to do this with him, until I realized I was manipulated into doing this

Lazybird · Nov 29th 2021, 6:30am

naturelover-VT wrote:

I am not a lawyer, but i would say it is not abuse. you did not say "no" and you did not object to it.
But it would be a sexual compulsion.

I don't see how it would be sexual compulsion though..

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