Help!

  • BJade wrote:

    Olio wrote:

    That he's asking how he can stop people from thinking he's gay, and not about the sexual assault itself is a valid point. But it draws attention to the question of why all the sexist victim shaming, which has nothing to do with his question.
    I disagree that his post was anti-gay. He simply said he didn't want people to think he's gay, since he's not. In fact, he went out of his way to say he has nothing against gays. Why do you feel that's anti-gay? While I'm not gay, I'm very supportive of the gay community, so I'm trying to understand how you're offended by him not wanting people mis-categorizing him.

    I also don't see where he made light of a non-consensual sex act. But if you feel this was a non-consensual sex act, I'm surprised you didn't call out those who are questioning him on that matter.
    Yeah saying your not against sexuality/race/religion/gender 100% means that's the truth ?( because how many people in the world that are sexist or racist, or anything else have said that

    My point was that the only thing that bothered him was people thinking he's gay (I'm not saying he's against gays, but he's against being gay himself)

    And going into so much detail about the act, then people being attacked for pointing that out, is making light of none consensual acts. Anyone who actually experienced that would be scared to admit it happened and try to forget most of the details.

    And why didn't he do anything EVER. After it he could have called him out, he could have reported it to someone. But instead he comes here to kinda gloat it happened in detail

    And suggest a solution is making out with a girl? Not sexist or using a girl then?? A minor form of sexual assault
    Sure, we can question what anyone says about themselves. But you don't know him. There's really no basis for you to question his statement that he's not against gays.

    I didn't read anything which indicates he's against being gay. He's against being mis-characterized as gay. If he's not gay, it's understandable he would be bothered by people thinking he is gay. One can't reasonably infer anything from that about how he feels about gays. I'm still not seeing how one can be offended by someone not wanting to be considered something they're not.

    I have nothing against any religion, but I don't like if people wrongly assume my religious affiliation.

    With regard to his not forgetting the details and asking why he didn't to anything about it EVER, never reported it or called him out on it...I would ask if you would have the same response if a female made a similar claim. Questioning the validity of someone's story because they didn't pursue it, is soooo outdated, I have difficulty believing I'm reading this in 2022.

    As for why he didn't do anything about it, I would refer you back to your excellent point, that he didn't seem upset about what happened, but rather the fallout from it. Why should he report it?
    He didn't come here to gloat about what happened, he came here seeking advice on how to stop the rumors that he's gay, something people were not very helpful about.

    Holding a girl down and kissing her is assault. Having someone see him make out with a girl consensually is not at all sexist or using a girl, and it most certainly is NOT sexual assault, or anything near that.

    I was friends with a girl in high school (we still are) who was lesbian, but not out of the closet. She was concerned people were catching onto her and she would be outed (while we had openly gay people in our school, she was Muslim and her mother would have disowned her). Her solution was to encourage a guy to ask her to the Senior Prom. And yes, she did make sure people saw her kiss him. Was that sexist? (I won't even ask the question rhetorically if it was "sexual assault").

  • Giving him the benefit of the doubt, victim shaming is never appropriate. If the OP says he was uncomfortable with what happened (and it didn't seem to me like he was gloating about it in the slightest, unless you and I are operating on VERY different definitions of the word), unless anybody here has psychic abilities that I don't know about, then he was uncomfortable with it and it's not for any of us to say otherwise. Why didn't he report it initially? Maybe he was embarrassed by it (after all, there does tend to be this mentality that guys aren't supposed to be the victims of sexual assault) and maybe he was hoping that it would "go away" if he didn't say anything about it. (I have family in law enforcement, and it's actually amazing - at least to me - as to how many victims of rape do not immediately report it.)

    And one does not have to be anti-gay to not wanting to be associated with being gay. I'm gay, and if some girl were to randomly come up and grab my butt in public, and everyone then assumed that I was straight AND that she was my girlfriend because of that, yeah, I'd be bit miffed about it. Why should anyone else be any different if people were making claims about them that weren't true?

    It also doesn't seem like the OP was making a suggestion that making out with a girl and getting "caught" doing so in order to end the rumors about him was acceptable. In fact, the way I read it, he was actually asking for alternative solutions to that. Why is that such a bad thing?