My ex is pregnant help

    • Giving the benefit of the doubt that this is not a huge wind-up, the situation described here is seriously messed up.

      Pre-natal paternity testing is apparently possible without risk as it compares genetic markers in the mothers blood with DNA from the possible father. I don't know how much it costs in the UK or if there are specific circumstances in which you can get it done without charge, for example on the NHS.

      One way of another, if the mother to be wants to keep the baby, her situation will need to change. It is deeply irresponsible to try to bring up a baby in an environment in which her partner is more interested in alcohol and snorting coke! One way or another, she needs to get rid of him. If she is not inclined to get rid of him herself, and quickly, you can call Children and Young People's Services, part of Social Services run by your local council. You can choose whether to disclose your identity or remain anonymous. The first thing they are likely to do is insist that she splits with him.

      Then, if you are the biological father, and if both you and she are willing, there may be a role for you in being the father the baby grows up with. If CYPS get involved, they will also be likely to insist that there are also older, more experienced and stable adults to make sure the baby has a stable environment. If that cannot be provided, the baby would have to be taken into care. Is there anyone else stable in her life? What sort of people are her parents? This could work out OK for the baby if they are responsible people who will also support her.

    • DannyYoung95 wrote:

      collin13 wrote:

      This is the most convoluted, messed up thread I've ever seen on TH and that's saying something!!!!

      I'm not following any of this, and I don't think I want to.

      Determine if the baby is yours. If not, move on. If so, find out what she expects and wants out of you.

      I guess I'm stuck on the fact that if having sex with a girl that you should be prepared to accept any consequences of contraceptive failure, if you are smart enough to use them in the first place. Guess I'm lucky being gay that I don't have to worry about getting a girl pregnant but how about a little up front responsibility? Having sex is serious and shouldn't be taken lightly ... straight or gay.

      This thread actually makes me sad because I don't view you as a very responsible human being. Sorry, just calling it the way I see it.
      Lmfao damn bro chill wtf? But as I said, I always wear a condom whenever I fuck a girl, every single time.. N then if requested (which it was most times with my ex tbh..) when I’m about to cum she would always want me to take off the condom n then let it all out onto her tits. So I’d always finish there, nowhere near her pussy (which I got told off for saying before for some reason lmao? Sorry guys who actually read what I’ve said so far, just saying tit again to give particularly angry man some context

      So I always am careful when having sex, and have never had any issues at all with how I would do it until now. And she has lied about being pregnant to me in the past which is why I wasn’t sure if she actually was this time, or if it was more lies from her… But she is pregnant and I’ve told her to make an appointment with her doctor about finding out who the dad is, and to then let me know when the appointment is and I’lll obviously come along to it with her. So I’m just waiting on her to make that appointment atm lol.


      And I completelyyy agree that I’ve got a LOT of growing up to do, and that I need to do it fast if I am in fact the dad, I’d be the first person to admit that!!! But out of me, my ex and her new bf, I run laps around them both as far as being responsible is concerned… I work (a lot!!), I take care of my body and keep as active as possible, I’m careful of what I put into my body food/drink wise, I help anybody who needs it if they simply treat me with respect when asking for help and don’t just expect me to do things for them (so basically if they respectfully ask me to help them, then yeah I’m there for them 100%… BUT if they expect me to help them, and get mad at me if I don’t, orrr if they demand that I help them, then no I won’t help anybody who can’t at least treat me with respect when I’m doing them a favour yk?)


      Where as her new BF does cocaine every single day, he gets drunk every single night (usually), they both only eat takeaways and leftover takeaways each night, neither of them work (they both easily could do if they wanted, but they just choose not to ffs), and their home is absolutely trashed with dirty clothes all over the apartment, cat piss on the floor that hasn’t been cleaned up in weeks probably, drug paraphernalia all over the house, and so much more crap too… I’m not perfect at alllll, but I’m a LOT more responsible and willing to change myself however needed for this baby than both of them are combined…


      I can tell them my ex truly is trying to sort her life out now that she’s pregnant though, which I respect a lot to say how badly she treated her body in the past! She still has a longggg way to go ofc, but she knows that she needs to sort her body out in order for the baby to be healthy… And that if this baby is mine especially, then I’m going to step tf up and do everything I possibly can do for my kid (if it is mine ofc..), and if it’s not mine, then I’ll help out if it’s an emergency or if the kid is in danger or anything like that, as I obviously don’t want the baby to be hurt I’m any way you know..? But as far as the day to day side of things are concerned, then they’re on their own for that. And she understood that too luckily (which I was surprised by ngl!!)




      So as I said, I’m currently just waiting on her to make this appointment to see if it’s mine or her ex’s baby… I can’t do anything until then I don’t think? I’m just currently trying to make a plan for if it is my baby, and wtf I’m going to do to help provide for him/her ?( ?( ?(
      Sorry mate, I didn't have time to circle back to this but I'll say that based on the way you communicate and demonstrate a total utter lack of respect for the female species, perhaps you shouldn't be having sex at all. I'm not sure very many of the ladies in here would appreciate your talk of cumming all over her tits after you pull out of her. Seriously man ... grow up and have some respect for those you decide to "fuck"

    • collin13 wrote:

      DannyYoung95 wrote:

      collin13 wrote:

      This is the most convoluted, messed up thread I've ever seen on TH and that's saying something!!!!

      I'm not following any of this, and I don't think I want to.

      Determine if the baby is yours. If not, move on. If so, find out what she expects and wants out of you.

      I guess I'm stuck on the fact that if having sex with a girl that you should be prepared to accept any consequences of contraceptive failure, if you are smart enough to use them in the first place. Guess I'm lucky being gay that I don't have to worry about getting a girl pregnant but how about a little up front responsibility? Having sex is serious and shouldn't be taken lightly ... straight or gay.

      This thread actually makes me sad because I don't view you as a very responsible human being. Sorry, just calling it the way I see it.
      Lmfao damn bro chill wtf? But as I said, I always wear a condom whenever I fuck a girl, every single time.. N then if requested (which it was most times with my ex tbh..) when I’m about to cum she would always want me to take off the condom n then let it all out onto her tits. So I’d always finish there, nowhere near her pussy (which I got told off for saying before for some reason lmao? Sorry guys who actually read what I’ve said so far, just saying tit again to give particularly angry man some context
      So I always am careful when having sex, and have never had any issues at all with how I would do it until now. And she has lied about being pregnant to me in the past which is why I wasn’t sure if she actually was this time, or if it was more lies from her… But she is pregnant and I’ve told her to make an appointment with her doctor about finding out who the dad is, and to then let me know when the appointment is and I’lll obviously come along to it with her. So I’m just waiting on her to make that appointment atm lol.


      And I completelyyy agree that I’ve got a LOT of growing up to do, and that I need to do it fast if I am in fact the dad, I’d be the first person to admit that!!! But out of me, my ex and her new bf, I run laps around them both as far as being responsible is concerned… I work (a lot!!), I take care of my body and keep as active as possible, I’m careful of what I put into my body food/drink wise, I help anybody who needs it if they simply treat me with respect when asking for help and don’t just expect me to do things for them (so basically if they respectfully ask me to help them, then yeah I’m there for them 100%… BUT if they expect me to help them, and get mad at me if I don’t, orrr if they demand that I help them, then no I won’t help anybody who can’t at least treat me with respect when I’m doing them a favour yk?)


      Where as her new BF does cocaine every single day, he gets drunk every single night (usually), they both only eat takeaways and leftover takeaways each night, neither of them work (they both easily could do if they wanted, but they just choose not to ffs), and their home is absolutely trashed with dirty clothes all over the apartment, cat piss on the floor that hasn’t been cleaned up in weeks probably, drug paraphernalia all over the house, and so much more crap too… I’m not perfect at alllll, but I’m a LOT more responsible and willing to change myself however needed for this baby than both of them are combined…


      I can tell them my ex truly is trying to sort her life out now that she’s pregnant though, which I respect a lot to say how badly she treated her body in the past! She still has a longggg way to go ofc, but she knows that she needs to sort her body out in order for the baby to be healthy… And that if this baby is mine especially, then I’m going to step tf up and do everything I possibly can do for my kid (if it is mine ofc..), and if it’s not mine, then I’ll help out if it’s an emergency or if the kid is in danger or anything like that, as I obviously don’t want the baby to be hurt I’m any way you know..? But as far as the day to day side of things are concerned, then they’re on their own for that. And she understood that too luckily (which I was surprised by ngl!!)




      So as I said, I’m currently just waiting on her to make this appointment to see if it’s mine or her ex’s baby… I can’t do anything until then I don’t think? I’m just currently trying to make a plan for if it is my baby, and wtf I’m going to do to help provide for him/her ?( ?( ?(
      Sorry mate, I didn't have time to circle back to this but I'll say that based on the way you communicate and demonstrate a total utter lack of respect for the female species, perhaps you shouldn't be having sex at all. I'm not sure very many of the ladies in here would appreciate your talk of cumming all over her tits after you pull out of her. Seriously man ... grow up and have some respect for those you decide to "fuck"
      Bro.. That’s what SHE would always ask me to do when I was finishing wtf? :lol: U were talking before like I was cumming inside of her n was then questioning why she was pregnant… Which obviously isn’t the case at all lol, so I was simply repeating what I’d told some1 else bout how my ex would always ask me to ”ejaculate” onto her “boobies” (smfh man). Just so u knew that I wasn’t doing it inside of her seen as u seem to care so much what I do with my cum yk??? Don’t see how it makes me a bad guy towards women for doing what was asked of me by the woman I was sleeping with at the time lol..?



      Sure I bet there’s mountains of shit I could do to treat my future Gf better (like with basically every guy my age unfortunately…) which I’d be happy to try my best to do yk? But 1. U don’t know me lol, never had a conversation with me or nothing..? So don’t make assumptions bout me like u know me pls lmfao 2. I’ve always treated the women I sleep with as gd as I possibly could at the time, unlike how every guy ik treats his gf (absolute dog shit).

      N unlike those same friends I’ve actually made the effort to take them on actual dates each week n I’ve made the effort to do shit with them or for them that’d make them smile yk? Wether it was random date nights out places they’d talked bout wanting to try but couldn’t for whatever reason, or I’d buy them random gifts outta nowhere with a fuck load of meaning behind them purely just to make them smile yk???

      Yeah as I said I’m sure there’s a bunch of lil things I could do to make her smile even more like helping make dinner (even tho I can’t cook more than a few meals), help with washing up, help tidying up n idk why but I can clean my own place without any issue at all, it’s lowkey calming ngl.. But when it comes to tidying up other ppl’s shit, I hate doing it for some reason idk why??? Was tryna work on it when me n my ex was together but obvs I can’t exactly work on it rn if I’m not actually with no1 atm can i lmao? But I’m gonna try my best just for u bro, I pinkie promise xo




      Like it actually makes me laughing seeing u say how I don’t respect women when I literally grew up without a dad around at all really, n I’ve seen my mum struggle a LOT to put food on the table growing up n what not! So how tf could I see how much she struggled making money n putting food on the table n paying rent n bills n everything… N then when I grow up just forget bout all of that n not respect women at all lmfao, what??? Cmon bro ffs :lol: || || All cos I said I would always sleep with my ex when we was together, n then when finishing I’d cum on her tits instead of inside of her..? When she would literally ask me to cum there every single time smh… Where would U like me to put it next time bro??? I’ll listen to U (a random guy online who doesn’t know me at all) over the woman I was in a relationship with who’s the person i was having regular sex with… So lemme know where u want me to put it next time mate and I’ll listen to u instead of the woman I was sleeping with so that I can do a better job at respect women better :) :) :) Seen as ur the perfect BF ofc…

    • Sean2001 wrote:

      Giving the benefit of the doubt that this is not a huge wind-up, the situation described here is seriously messed up.

      Pre-natal paternity testing is apparently possible without risk as it compares genetic markers in the mothers blood with DNA from the possible father. I don't know how much it costs in the UK or if there are specific circumstances in which you can get it done without charge, for example on the NHS.

      One way of another, if the mother to be wants to keep the baby, her situation will need to change. It is deeply irresponsible to try to bring up a baby in an environment in which her partner is more interested in alcohol and snorting coke! One way or another, she needs to get rid of him. If she is not inclined to get rid of him herself, and quickly, you can call Children and Young People's Services, part of Social Services run by your local council. You can choose whether to disclose your identity or remain anonymous. The first thing they are likely to do is insist that she splits with him.

      Then, if you are the biological father, and if both you and she are willing, there may be a role for you in being the father the baby grows up with. If CYPS get involved, they will also be likely to insist that there are also older, more experienced and stable adults to make sure the baby has a stable environment. If that cannot be provided, the baby would have to be taken into care. Is there anyone else stable in her life? What sort of people are her parents? This could work out OK for the baby if they are responsible people who will also support her.
      Honestly bro I wish I had the time u think I have to come up with this whole issue and to make a full on Jerry Springer episode round it lmfao (whoever said that shit made me genuinely laugh tbf :lol: :lol: :lol: ). Unfortunately it’s all veryyyy real man… Wish it wasn’t tho tbh with u, it’s driving me crazy atm ngl!! Just wanna know who the dad is so ik wtf I need to do yk?




      N yeah I didn’t even know that u could find out who the dad was before the baby was here but apparently u can do??? Told her bout it n she said she’d make a appointment for it with her doctor n lemme know when it is so I can be there for it but I’ve not heard nothing back bout it yet || Meant to ring her yesterday bout it to see if shed rang up bout it yet but I got caught up late at work n didn’t get chance before she would’ve been in bed ffs.. Gonna try ring her today or tomorrow tho n ask bout it! N idk cos I ain’t asked bout it yet aha, but I bet u can get it free on NHS like most stuff here luckily! Idk fs tho? I’ll get her to ask bout it if/when she rings up bout the appointment! N yeah I’ve told her exactly that bro, told her she needs to get tf away from him if she’s keeping this baby (which I’m almost certain she will do, he keeps telling her to “axe it” tho ffs… So idfk tbh with u man, hope she does keep it tho now. I was leaning towards her BFs side but never said nothing bout it for her sake yk? Cos I don’t wanna be a dad yet as I’ve said before. But ik she wants to keep the baby, so I’ve sided with her when talking bout it (even tho I do t wanna have a kid yet, I’d still raise a kid if I had one by accident yk???), I’ve told her multiple times now how she needs to get tf away from him, cos it just ain’t a good environment for a baby AT ALL is it? N tbf to her I bet if she does I bet she’ll be an amazing mum!!




      Like yeah she’s toxic asffff when in a relationship n admitted that to me herself last week when I was talking to her bout everything, but ik when she’s dealing with shit on her own she gets stressed out n overwhelmed real easily, but when she’s got everything going her way then she’s actually a gd person deep down tbf.. Just when I was with her or when her new BF is with her now n I wanted her to compromise on some shit, or if he wanted shit going his way instead, it quicklyyyy turns into a toxic asf environment to be in n at least when I was with her, it was just constant lies n cheating n stealing n taking advantage of me from her throughout provably our entire relationship I bet? N it also takes a LOT for me to forgive some1 who lied, cheated, stole, n took advantage of me yk..? Which is why I don’t wanna be with some1 like that at all lmfao, I care bout myself enough to know I shouldn’t be putting myself (n especially a baby ffs) thru that shit now yk… I deserve better n the baby definitelyyy deserves better.. I just don’t think she’ll leave him tho unfortunately ffs || Cos she got kicked out of her place just before n her broke up (bout 2-3 month before maybe..? Idfk) n she was just staying at mine til we broke up, then she went to her Dads for a weekend n then went n moved in with her BF now lol…


      So if she splits up with him n I don’t take her back (which I’m not doing cos ik she’ll somehow find a way to get me to fall soft n to take her back again n I don’t want that shit to happen yet again for the 6000th time yk..? Cos it’s the same shit every single time with her n I cbfa with it tbh..), if she desperately needs somewhere to stay with the baby then she can sleep on my couch for a couple nights til she finds somewhere else to go (purely just for the babies sake..), but I don’t want her here for longer just cos ik what will happen after yk? N I don’t want it with her anymore lol! I’d happily take the baby in for however long is needed n look after them for her… Just her that I don’t wanna be with anymore after everything she’s done to me before yk??! Cos I’ve taken her back countless times n the exact same shits happened to me ffs..

    • Sean2001 wrote:

      Giving the benefit of the doubt that this is not a huge wind-up, the situation described here is seriously messed up.

      Pre-natal paternity testing is apparently possible without risk as it compares genetic markers in the mothers blood with DNA from the possible father. I don't know how much it costs in the UK or if there are specific circumstances in which you can get it done without charge, for example on the NHS.

      One way of another, if the mother to be wants to keep the baby, her situation will need to change. It is deeply irresponsible to try to bring up a baby in an environment in which her partner is more interested in alcohol and snorting coke! One way or another, she needs to get rid of him. If she is not inclined to get rid of him herself, and quickly, you can call Children and Young People's Services, part of Social Services run by your local council. You can choose whether to disclose your identity or remain anonymous. The first thing they are likely to do is insist that she splits with him.

      Then, if you are the biological father, and if both you and she are willing, there may be a role for you in being the father the baby grows up with. If CYPS get involved, they will also be likely to insist that there are also older, more experienced and stable adults to make sure the baby has a stable environment. If that cannot be provided, the baby would have to be taken into care. Is there anyone else stable in her life? What sort of people are her parents? This could work out OK for the baby if they are responsible people who will also support her.
      N as for calling I would consider calling social on her, but the kid would probably end up in foster care or some shit if I did that right..? N I think that would make it worse for the baby i bet? I’m just gonna try n have her leave him n find somewhere else to stay, even if I pay for the 1st few months idc! Just wanna have her leave him for the baby’s sake more than anything man, just hard asf to do when she doesn’t wanna leave him isn’t it ffs..?

      Ofc it’s her choice who she’s with n everything like that, n I can tell she actually does wanna improve her situation atm for the baby’s sake, which I wasn’t expecting from her tbh with u! N I told her that last week when I was speaking to her n I told her how proud I actually was of her for the steps she’s taken so far to try n improve the baby’s future yk? She still has a LONGGG way to go (as do I tbf!!), but any effort is better than no effort from her tbh with u bro.. Just tough knowing how hard to push her to change certain things isn’t it? As she’s the kinda person who will do shit herself in her own time (like tidy her place for example..), BUT if u tell her to do it then it’ll almost never happen ffs… So it’s hard asf knowing wtf to say to her to get her to change, cos I can see like 10 things just off the top of my head that she needs to fix up ngl, but I don’t wanna tell her that ______ needs fixing.. N then have her never do it cos I told her to do it if that makes sense?? I wanna just leave her to do it in her own time but idk if she’s even thought bout changing ______ or not yk..? It’s hard frrrrrr..



      N as ive said I don’t wanna be with her, but if I’m the dad then I’ve gotta step up n be the best dad possible without question!! Butttt (as I said before to some1 else I think?) even if I am the dad, her BF doenst want me involved at all cos it’s HIS Gf so he should be the 1 to raise the kid ffs.. N obviously cos she’s his gf (I’m guessing?) she’s more likely to agree with him aint she..? N as for stable adults, her dad died of cancer bout 7 years ago maybe..? N she’s really close to her mum, but she doesn’t work n she smokes constantly n gets drunk regularly (idk how often but when I go on my runs on a weekend at night I’ll often see her thru the window sat in a pub close to my house.. Idk bout thru the week cos I usually go to the gym n run on treadmills during the week n then on a weekend I’ll run outside (idk why just something I’ve always done lmao). So idk if she’s in there every night but she’s always in there on a weekend at least…


      She has a friend who’s significantly older than she is (bout 28-30 I think?) who could be a gd option if I can’t be lol, but as far as ik she’s always been against having kids so idk if she’d be a gd fit if I’ve got that right tbh, probably the best option if it can’t be me tho.. Just really don’t want them going into care that’s the only thing! Ik my ex would go crazy if they tried taking her kid into care to which wouldn’t help her at all obviously, so idk how gd of a idea it is to call them bout it tbh??? I think I’ll just try n sort it out between us at 1st n if it’s going terribly n the baby is regularly suffering cos of it then I’ll call them then probably.. I’d definitely be against it tho personally, just cos I’ve heard stories from a old friend who was in care in it was fucking horrible for them, so I wouldn’t wanna purposely wanna put a kid thru that yk???

      If the baby’s mine then I’m gonna be as involved as I possibly can be (with her bf not wanting me involved at all n everything lol..) cos I promised myself as a kid that I would be seen as my dad was/is never around! Just that if it was up to me I’d wait another few years at least before I had a kid.. But obviously life never goes as planned does it lmfao? So if i am the dad then I wanna raise my kid as much as possible!!
      N I’ve said this a couple times here I think? But if I’m not the dad then I’d definitely rather not be involved at all tbh, butttt if she’s desperate for help with the baby if the baby actually needs anything (like food, diapers, etc). Then I’d get it for her, I’d happily do that shit if she actually needed yk? But what I’m not doing for her is buying this n that n this n that for the baby just to make her look like a better parent on IG or whatever yk? I’m not buying the baby a gold encrusted cot or anything like that ffs lmao.. I’m not doing that shit idc.. BUT if she actually NEEDS something for the baby n her BF isn’t getting it n she can’t afford it then I’d be there (if I’m not the dad ofc). But that’s the only involvement I think I’d have


      I just think I’d find it VERY difficult raising another man’s kid yk..? Obviously I’m sure my opinion will change as soon as I hold the baby for the 1st time n I’d raise them as my own probably, but rn my mentality is that it’s not my issue to deal with yk..? (Which is where the growing up I said I need to do comes into play)




      But yeah over all I appreciate ur reply a lot tbf!! U’ve actually given me ideas that’ll help instead of just trashing me for this n that lmfao, so thank u a lot for that bro fr!! Appreciate it a lot fr, as I’ve obviously never been in a situation like this before have I (none of us have..) so I need all the help n advice I can get tbh with u man! If u have any other things u think might help feel free to msg me or to post it here or something idfk.. But yeah, thank u again my bro, fr!

    • I say wait until the little one is born and request a Maternity Test. The test will determine whether the baby is or isn't yours and if it isn't yours then you most likely won't have to pay this chick child support but in the rare equation the kid is yours you will have to pay child support + raise the child w/ her so until then get as many jobs as possible, you''ll need it and good luck, you'll need it.