What do you think about age gaps?

  • theletters wrote:

    The girl i lost my virginity to was more than five years younger than me so a hugeee age gap. I think its kind of hot, but there's definitely limits. As long as nobodys being hurt or taken advantage of, its cool. Some people find it weird tho. Personally, i dont really care
    You're 17 and American. So the oldest she could've been is 12. Possibly younger. That's too much of an age gap imho and probably illegal. I'm not trying to judge or be a dick. Especially since it's in the past ... plus u say it was consensual (and I hope it was). But I think it's important to learn from each other and to grow from our past experiences...

    Just so everyone is crystal clear ... A 12 year old (or younger) having sex with someone much older (5 years certainly constitutes that) is ethically and legally wrong because a 12yo doesn't have the maturity or life experiences to determine consent. Period.

  • theletters wrote:

    The girl i lost my virginity to was more than five years younger than me so a hugeee age gap. I think its kind of hot, but there's definitely limits. As long as nobodys being hurt or taken advantage of, its cool. Some people find it weird tho. Personally, i dont really care
    Here in the UK, having sex with anyone under 13 is considered rape. If anyone complained to the police you would be dealt with, even if she actually encouraged you, exactly the same as if she had been screaming no!, stop! etc. except it would be much easier to prove because, unlike many rape cases where it is one person's word against another, all the prosecution would have to prove is that sex took place, and she was less than 13 at the time.

  • Gabraham247 wrote:


    You're 17 and American. So the oldest she could've been is 12. Possibly younger. That's too much of an age gap imho and probably illegal. I'm not trying to judge or be a dick. Especially since it's in the past ... plus u say it was consensual (and I hope it was). But I think it's important to learn from each other and to grow from our past experiences...
    Just so everyone is crystal clear ... A 12 year old (or younger) having sex with someone much older (5 years certainly constitutes that) is ethically and legally wrong because a 12yo doesn't have the maturity or life experiences to determine consent. Period.
    Wait. So you're saying if it wasn't someone much older it would be ok? But you just said they don't have the maturity of life exp to consent? I'm confused. ?(
    Probably could have worded that a bit better.
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  • Bardic Inspiration wrote:

    Gabraham247 wrote:

    You're 17 and American. So the oldest she could've been is 12. Possibly younger. That's too much of an age gap imho and probably illegal. I'm not trying to judge or be a dick. Especially since it's in the past ... plus u say it was consensual (and I hope it was). But I think it's important to learn from each other and to grow from our past experiences...
    Just so everyone is crystal clear ... A 12 year old (or younger) having sex with someone much older (5 years certainly constitutes that) is ethically and legally wrong because a 12yo doesn't have the maturity or life experiences to determine consent. Period.
    Wait. So you're saying if it wasn't someone much older it would be ok? But you just said they don't have the maturity of life exp to consent? I'm confused. ?( Probably could have worded that a bit better.
    Umm I'm simply staying on topic ?( This topic is about age gaps. If you start a topic about when is the proper age to give up the vCard I can answer that there.

  • Well, the biggest age gap I've been involved in is with my current boyfriend, and there's a 2 years age gap between us. I agree with the point that more than 2 or 3 years difference starts getting into maturity issues. At our ages, after a certain point it's less a formal couple and more friends with benefits (and probably not even the "friends" part as you might not have enough in common to be friends first; you're just getting off on each other physically). I know if you get into adulthood, then a more noticeable age gap of more than about 3 years starts to become less and less of a problem, but not if you're not over about 21 or so.

  • theletters wrote:

    this is insane. im not a pedo and ive seen WAY WORSE SHIT on this forum that nobody else got upset over. i dont really care.
    Psychologists generally define paedophilia as being sexually attracted to a child who is not sexually mature, so being attracted to someone who is sexually mature, just young, is not a mental disease.

    On the other hand, law makers set an age of consent for a reason. I can't help thinking that part of the issue is that we (humans) attach all kinds of baggage to sex which means those who have sex as soon as horniness makes it seem like a good idea can come to regret doing it and may have bad feelings about it for a long time afterwards.

    This is also completely on-topic for age gaps because, with widely differing ages and a gap in maturity, it is quite natural that the younger one follows the older one when it may be rather better if they spent a bit more time working out how they feel about things and being able to a more equal partner.

    For example, a four year gap between 20 and 16 will definitely have some of that, but not nearly as much as the difference between 16 and 12.

  • In general I think people should stick to a range around their own age. I think this gets a bit precarious with teenagers. I think an 18-year-old adult should not be dating anyone 15 or younger. I think people in their 20s should not be dating anyone in high school. I think a pubescent high schooler shouldn’t be dating a middle schooler. When a 35-year-old man says his limit is “18”, I raise an eyebrow and wonder “would he go lower if he legally could?”

    The word “pedophile” is thrown around quite loosely these days, but there is a lot of creepy behavior that should be called out. I’m 20 and I’m not really interested in dating anyone younger at this point, but if I did they would have to be 18 and also in college. The largest age gap so far for me has been less than a year’s difference. I think larger gaps are fine among adults.

  • My father met my mom when he was 23 and she was 16 , they married when he was 24 and she was 17 and happily married for 11 years and divorced after 11 years, in 11 years my brother and I was born into a very loving family. Even though their marriage only lasted for 11 years there is love in our family and always will be. That makes them a 7-year age difference.
    :jmp:

  • As far as age laws, I’d like to think ideally that once people get past a certain age, love is about each individual person, not other things like age, or ONLY defined by those things.

    Think about this: Tom Daley is an gold medal Olympian. He is gay, and the person he fell in love with is 20 years older. Tom said it was very difficult for him to open up about this relationship because of what others thought. But he is very happy, and they have been married for years now.

    Point is, I think it should all be on a case by case basis. For some, an age gap of any kind will never work, and that’s okay, and no one should interfere. For others, an age gap of 20 years is perfect, and that’s okay, and no one should interfere.

  • Anonem wrote:

    As far as age laws, I’d like to think ideally that once people get past a certain age, love is about each individual person, not other things like age, or ONLY defined by those things.

    Think about this: Tom Daley is an gold medal Olympian. He is gay, and the person he fell in love with is 20 years older. Tom said it was very difficult for him to open up about this relationship because of what others thought. But he is very happy, and they have been married for years now.

    Point is, I think it should all be on a case by case basis. For some, an age gap of any kind will never work, and that’s okay, and no one should interfere. For others, an age gap of 20 years is perfect, and that’s okay, and no one should interfere.
    Exactly. I think irl you'll see many adults with age groups blowing away a 20-year gap. But even in celebrity relationships there are several over 20 years. They can definitely work. But for teens 2 is fine and 3 might be. Any more is sus, but might work. Just no pedophilia, no law breaking, and no cohersion.

  • Sean2001 wrote:

    theletters wrote:

    this is insane. im not a pedo and ive seen WAY WORSE SHIT on this forum that nobody else got upset over. i dont really care.
    Psychologists generally define paedophilia as being sexually attracted to a child who is not sexually mature, so being attracted to someone who is sexually mature, just young, is not a mental disease.
    On the other hand, law makers set an age of consent for a reason. I can't help thinking that part of the issue is that we (humans) attach all kinds of baggage to sex which means those who have sex as soon as horniness makes it seem like a good idea can come to regret doing it and may have bad feelings about it for a long time afterwards.

    This is also completely on-topic for age gaps because, with widely differing ages and a gap in maturity, it is quite natural that the younger one follows the older one when it may be rather better if they spent a bit more time working out how they feel about things and being able to a more equal partner.

    For example, a four year gap between 20 and 16 will definitely have some of that, but not nearly as much as the difference between 16 and 12.
    But what defines sexual maturity? An 11 year old can have pubic hair ... does that make the 11 year old mature enough to make a decision to engage in sexual activity with say a 16 year old? I'm thinking not quite honestly. Since that 11 year old has started puberty, chances are hormones are flying, they are discovering masturbation and would be down for more intense activities. Just like a 13 year old who hasn't started puberty yet but may be more mentally mature and capable of making a consented and informed decision to have a sex encounter with a 15 year old? Does that define the 15 year old as a pedophile because they had an encounter with a prepubescent 13 year old? I think the waters get muddied there and you can't necessarily define it based on whether or not the boy has matured sexually.