What do you think about age gaps?

  • collin13 wrote:

    But what defines sexual maturity? An 11 year old can have pubic hair ... does that make the 11 year old mature enough to make a decision to engage in sexual activity with say a 16 year old? I'm thinking not quite honestly. Since that 11 year old has started puberty, chances are hormones are flying, they are discovering masturbation and would be down for more intense activities. Just like a 13 year old who hasn't started puberty yet but may be more mentally mature and capable of making a consented and informed decision to have a sex encounter with a 15 year old? Does that define the 15 year old as a pedophile because they had an encounter with a prepubescent 13 year old? I think the waters get muddied there and you can't necessarily define it based on whether or not the boy has matured sexually.
    Thats why it has to be a combination of sexual and mental maturity that will dictate when a person's ready for sex at all, let alone an older person a year or more older. But it's also why authorities and the law is smart to set certain laws that are concrete like for instance a 12 year old having sex with a 22 year old should be illegal and rape cuz a 12 year old shouldn't be able to give consent in that situation regardless of how mentally and physically mature they are. A 12 year old and a 22 year old are at two vastly different places in life and can never have equal power.

  • collin13 wrote:

    But what defines sexual maturity? An 11 year old can have pubic hair ... does that make the 11 year old mature enough to make a decision to engage in sexual activity with say a 16 year old? I'm thinking not quite honestly...
    I think we may be disagreeing about semantics, and do agree that having started puberty does not mean someone is ready for sex.

    My original response was, in part, due to the word paedophile being used. According to Wikipedia: "Pedophilia (alternatively spelt paedophilia) is a psychiatric disorder in which an adult or older adolescent experiences a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to prepubescent children.[1][2]" and note that one of the references is from the American Psychological Association. In fact the Wikipedia article (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia) probably does a better job of explaining the term than I can. After pre-pubescent childred, the next two terms by age are Hebephilia (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hebephilia) for those who have started puberty and Ephebophilia (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia) for those who appear, at least visually, to be adult.

    The overall model here is that there is a primitive part of our brains that recognises the external signs of sexual maturity, for example breasts, hip width and the curvy female shape, and wakes up. That is all perfectly natural and, if it was natural for person A to find person B attractive in Bosnia where the age of consent is 14 it doesn't become any more or less natural if those two people moved to the UK where the age of consent is 16.

    On the other hand we don't have to act on that. More of our brain should be involved than that. "How mature does the person seem in conversation?" "How would a relationship be?" And, of course, "Are we within the law?" Most people prefer a relationship where the two people are more equal and will support each other. Some people prefer a relationship in which one person dominates the other and obviously age can be a factor in that. If they're both unquestionably adults then fine, but we need to be careful if the younger person is very young. That's why we have age of consent legislation and, in the UK, there is a further requirement that the young person be legally an adult (i.e. 18+) if the older person is in a position of trust or authority over them (for example a school teacher).