Preface: Numb
I knew what was coming, but I didn’t want to believe it. My mind blocked out his hands as they roved up and down my torso. I could feel his breath tickle my ear as he whispered, “There’s my good girl.”
I’ve never understood the way his mind works. But I didn’t care anymore; I couldn’t feel, that’s all that matters. I tensed when his lips kissed the hollow behind my ear. I heard him growl a little as they worked their way down my neck.
I knew it was coming; I had prepared myself for it.
I was numb.
Still behind me, I heard rustle of clothing as he undid my jeans, and heard them hit the floor. I shuddered as again there was a rustle of clothing and my underwear slowly worked their way down to join my jeans.
He guided me to the couch where he had me bend over the armrest. I automatically gripped a cushion and shoved my face in a throw pillow. Experience told me not to move an inch.
I heard him take off his belt, muttering profanities under his breath. I shuddered as the leather slid from his jeans.
He was slow and deliberate today. He wanted me to learn my lesson.
I bite hard on my lip to keep from crying out as the belt rains down on my unprotected flesh.
Chapter 1: The Plane Ride
I looked out the window of the plane as we flew over the Kansas, and then I sighed. I didn’t want to move to Montana, but I couldn’t take Dad’s shit anymore. I was also beginning to hate the Texas shit. I would never tell Mom and Charlie what he did, and I’m glad that Jake and Tim left when they did, of course at the time I was really pissed that they did.
They didn’t tolerate Dad’s abuse like I did, and I did for way too long. He never hit us, but everything we did wasn’t good enough. And after my brothers left…
No, I wouldn’t think about that. I would never hurt them that way by telling them what happened. Life in Texas with Dad was hell. That was all I would say. Yet, Dad’s words still rang in my head…
“When you realize Charlie or your brothers don’t love you, I’ll be waiting for you with open arms. Come home quickly, my darling Cassidy. I love you.”
Love? He’s calls it LOVE? Coming into my room every night, getting into my bed with me…If that’s love them I don’t know what is.
I looked quickly around to make sure no one noticed the tears streaming down my face, then quickly swiped them away. I prided myself in not being a crybaby. I didn’t understand why the other girls in my old school would go to the bathroom and cry about their new ex-boyfriend. But I guess it would help if I had and ex, or even a boyfriend at all. Dad had a tendency to chase away boys that came calling, if they didn’t mind being seen in public with a loser.
I lay back in my seat and tried to relax. Jake had said that Charlie really wanted to be a dad to us. That he was really cool. Jake and Tim were the only people who loved me in this world. Jake said he never tried to hurt Tim like Dad did. I could hear the suspicion in his voice when he said that, and I knew he wanted to know if I became Dad’s toy after Tim left. That was why they left in the first place, of course they never told Mom. Tim didn’t even tell anyone, Jake caught Dad…
I shuddered as I remembered the bruises that were on my twin brother’s face the next day. Dad hit Jake for the first time to keep from telling anyone. The first and last beating Jake ever took. Tim was just ten, and Jake and I were just fifteen.
Two long years. Yes, Jake was right, I had been Dad’s new toy. Dad liked to comment that I wasn’t as young as Tim, and I wasn’t a boy, but he thought I was just as good. I knew what Dad did was wrong, but I was scared. I never told anyone, and I never will. It will always be my dirty little secret.
This time I didn’t even try to stop the tears from streaming down as I thought about the last, wasted two years. I should have had left with Jake and Tim, but I didn’t. Why didn't I? Why did I stay? Did I subconsciously want that to happen to me? I guess in the end I deserved it. I stayed, but I learned my lesson, never trust a guy. But I hung on to the last string of hope that there was a guy out there for me. I wondered why I was so unlovable as I silently cried myself to sleep.
please comment! thank you!!
I knew what was coming, but I didn’t want to believe it. My mind blocked out his hands as they roved up and down my torso. I could feel his breath tickle my ear as he whispered, “There’s my good girl.”
I’ve never understood the way his mind works. But I didn’t care anymore; I couldn’t feel, that’s all that matters. I tensed when his lips kissed the hollow behind my ear. I heard him growl a little as they worked their way down my neck.
I knew it was coming; I had prepared myself for it.
I was numb.
Still behind me, I heard rustle of clothing as he undid my jeans, and heard them hit the floor. I shuddered as again there was a rustle of clothing and my underwear slowly worked their way down to join my jeans.
He guided me to the couch where he had me bend over the armrest. I automatically gripped a cushion and shoved my face in a throw pillow. Experience told me not to move an inch.
I heard him take off his belt, muttering profanities under his breath. I shuddered as the leather slid from his jeans.
He was slow and deliberate today. He wanted me to learn my lesson.
I bite hard on my lip to keep from crying out as the belt rains down on my unprotected flesh.
Chapter 1: The Plane Ride
I looked out the window of the plane as we flew over the Kansas, and then I sighed. I didn’t want to move to Montana, but I couldn’t take Dad’s shit anymore. I was also beginning to hate the Texas shit. I would never tell Mom and Charlie what he did, and I’m glad that Jake and Tim left when they did, of course at the time I was really pissed that they did.
They didn’t tolerate Dad’s abuse like I did, and I did for way too long. He never hit us, but everything we did wasn’t good enough. And after my brothers left…
No, I wouldn’t think about that. I would never hurt them that way by telling them what happened. Life in Texas with Dad was hell. That was all I would say. Yet, Dad’s words still rang in my head…
“When you realize Charlie or your brothers don’t love you, I’ll be waiting for you with open arms. Come home quickly, my darling Cassidy. I love you.”
Love? He’s calls it LOVE? Coming into my room every night, getting into my bed with me…If that’s love them I don’t know what is.
I looked quickly around to make sure no one noticed the tears streaming down my face, then quickly swiped them away. I prided myself in not being a crybaby. I didn’t understand why the other girls in my old school would go to the bathroom and cry about their new ex-boyfriend. But I guess it would help if I had and ex, or even a boyfriend at all. Dad had a tendency to chase away boys that came calling, if they didn’t mind being seen in public with a loser.
I lay back in my seat and tried to relax. Jake had said that Charlie really wanted to be a dad to us. That he was really cool. Jake and Tim were the only people who loved me in this world. Jake said he never tried to hurt Tim like Dad did. I could hear the suspicion in his voice when he said that, and I knew he wanted to know if I became Dad’s toy after Tim left. That was why they left in the first place, of course they never told Mom. Tim didn’t even tell anyone, Jake caught Dad…
I shuddered as I remembered the bruises that were on my twin brother’s face the next day. Dad hit Jake for the first time to keep from telling anyone. The first and last beating Jake ever took. Tim was just ten, and Jake and I were just fifteen.
Two long years. Yes, Jake was right, I had been Dad’s new toy. Dad liked to comment that I wasn’t as young as Tim, and I wasn’t a boy, but he thought I was just as good. I knew what Dad did was wrong, but I was scared. I never told anyone, and I never will. It will always be my dirty little secret.
This time I didn’t even try to stop the tears from streaming down as I thought about the last, wasted two years. I should have had left with Jake and Tim, but I didn’t. Why didn't I? Why did I stay? Did I subconsciously want that to happen to me? I guess in the end I deserved it. I stayed, but I learned my lesson, never trust a guy. But I hung on to the last string of hope that there was a guy out there for me. I wondered why I was so unlovable as I silently cried myself to sleep.
please comment! thank you!!
[CENTER][SIZE=2]“But be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” ~William Shakespeare[/SIZE] [/CENTER]