Hello, I'm new here, and here's my story, hope you can help me out.
Ever since puberty began, my whole life has changed. I used to have really high grades at school, a good social life and a really good personality. But since then, I became kinda depressed, we moved to a new house which killed my social life, I always stayed at home, always thinking with myself, I started to hate myself and gaining weight and so on..
Then in about one year, I became more confortable with my situation, I went on a diet, lost the weight, started to make more friends, and through that I discovered that I'm bisexual. At first I tired to cross that from my life, like ignoring it, but I couldn't. And I was at that time really unconfortable with my body, I kept hating myself, and I still do. I started watching gay porn, but I promised myself that I wouldn't tell anyone about this for it would ruin my whole life, for I live in a society where this is totally unacceptable.
Adding to that, about 2 months ago I met a person that's a couple of years older than me and that went through what I went through. At first I didn't tell him that I'm bi, but later on I did and he was really helpful, for the first time I felt that someone understood me, I felt like I'm on the top of the world, it was an awesome feeling!
Later on we suggested to try having sex, not all the way through, just oral sex. At first I was nervous about the whole idea, but when he approached me I got really into it and loved it. But then something happened, I couldn't achieve an erection. I can assure you the problem was not him, he was really hot, but I wasn't nervous anymore, then why wasn't I "horny"?! Anyway we finished and I still didn't get an erection, I just thought that it's the first time, it's natural, but the second time we tried it the next week, and the third time about 2 days ago, still the same problem.
Ever since that happened, I felt really depressed again, I hated myself more. And it got me thinking, could it be that if I'm not accepting my body, my body wouldn't be ready for sex? Adding to that I got really attached to this friend, he was the most important person in my life, but I felt that he didn't share that feeling, I felt like I'm just a minor addition to his busy life, I'm still feeling that I couldn't add anything to his life, for he has it all. It could be just me, maybe I'm always blaming myself for everything, I don't know.
So what should I do?
Thanks In Advance For Any Help
Ever since puberty began, my whole life has changed. I used to have really high grades at school, a good social life and a really good personality. But since then, I became kinda depressed, we moved to a new house which killed my social life, I always stayed at home, always thinking with myself, I started to hate myself and gaining weight and so on..
Then in about one year, I became more confortable with my situation, I went on a diet, lost the weight, started to make more friends, and through that I discovered that I'm bisexual. At first I tired to cross that from my life, like ignoring it, but I couldn't. And I was at that time really unconfortable with my body, I kept hating myself, and I still do. I started watching gay porn, but I promised myself that I wouldn't tell anyone about this for it would ruin my whole life, for I live in a society where this is totally unacceptable.
Adding to that, about 2 months ago I met a person that's a couple of years older than me and that went through what I went through. At first I didn't tell him that I'm bi, but later on I did and he was really helpful, for the first time I felt that someone understood me, I felt like I'm on the top of the world, it was an awesome feeling!
Later on we suggested to try having sex, not all the way through, just oral sex. At first I was nervous about the whole idea, but when he approached me I got really into it and loved it. But then something happened, I couldn't achieve an erection. I can assure you the problem was not him, he was really hot, but I wasn't nervous anymore, then why wasn't I "horny"?! Anyway we finished and I still didn't get an erection, I just thought that it's the first time, it's natural, but the second time we tried it the next week, and the third time about 2 days ago, still the same problem.
Ever since that happened, I felt really depressed again, I hated myself more. And it got me thinking, could it be that if I'm not accepting my body, my body wouldn't be ready for sex? Adding to that I got really attached to this friend, he was the most important person in my life, but I felt that he didn't share that feeling, I felt like I'm just a minor addition to his busy life, I'm still feeling that I couldn't add anything to his life, for he has it all. It could be just me, maybe I'm always blaming myself for everything, I don't know.
So what should I do?
Thanks In Advance For Any Help
People tell me I look good, but I don't really see that .. I could right now write you a list of 10000 flaws of my body and my personality... 