and marlon just left me, saying we might get back together, but probably not for a few years. oh joy. if I drank, I'd be in the hospital with alcohol poisoning by now.

I spoke with marlon and it turns out he blames and hates himself, I'm going to be there for him, going to wait for him. I've spent all my life trying to find that special someone, and I found him. its not out love or relationship thats the problem, its only the circumstance. he is worth fighting for, he's worth dying for, and I'll be damned if he's not worth waiting for.

another shattered heart ontop of the others.

me and marlon wont ever get back together. its all over. why does life do this to me?

sorry for always being such a downer. I'm just tired of never getting any happiness that lasts. still, I'll live on, kinda have too.

thanks for reading. I'll keep you posted on events as time goes by.

hello, just posting to keep it on the front page. for obvious reasons that have been previously stated. I just kicked out a guy from my house and my life, he had the nerve to insult my family and my mother. wrong move. bye bye clive. hehehehehe.

shame, he was great before that. oh well.

hope you all live happily.

the fact that he doesnt want me fighting for him. and me fighting for him only hurts us both even more. and the fact that bfore there was hope of us getting back together, now there is none.

he doesn't want a relationship ever again. I've lost him. v.v

YAY! snow day, no college. other than that...nothings changed.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

it hasnt been long since marlon left me, barely a month I think. but now theres this amazing guy that is so great. I would really like to be with him. he lives close and is maybe interested in me. but I dont want to find someone and then marlon turn around and say he wants me back. I dont think I could take that. I'm stuck. I want to be with this guy, but I dont want t6o leave marlon behind. v.v

any advice would be great.

wow. the confusion of my situations just went 10 fold. I'm not happy unless he's happy, yet the reason he's not happy is because I'm not happy about him. XD

so I have to somehow force myself to get over the fact that the one I love is never going to be with me again, is torturing and hating himself madly, and somehow become happy again.

well...for him...I'm going to try. v.v I have a date tomorrow...I hope it goes well.

second page? nop no no. this must always be on the front page of this forum. well, lately...actually just now, I've go6 a message from a guy that lives close and he wants to meet me, he sounds really great, bare the fact he smokes which I dont like, hopefully he doesnt do it too much. but bleh, his other qualities make him worth meeting at least. so, after a valentines day of screaming and argueing and crying and putting my fist through the shitty cardboard walls we have for the airing cupboard in my room...I'm slowly getting better. I hope things start going right.

maybe you should go back and read the whole thing. this isnt about attention, I just want to help people. and when people read my story, it seems to help them. so what do you propose I do? I've detered many people from killing themselves simply because I have kept thios story up for people to read, I've been through more stuff than you could dream in your nightmares. and the fact that I've survived helps people see the light.

this isnt for attention...well, in a way it is...I want people to read this and feel better about their lives. No0w I'm not the worst off to come through these forums, I have a wonderful family, great friends...things most people would be envy of. but its what I've lived that inspires people.

so yeah, I'll always keep this on the front page, maybe you should read the first post before you call me an attention seeker. thank you and have a nice day.

I ruined everything. v.v

he wasnt ready yet I asked him to come out to his dad, when he asked for space I didnt give it, I called constantly and was effectivly obsessed, never able to move on. and as so he didnt want to hurt me, he's found someone else. and I think he hates me, his friend hates me, his mum hates me. I ruined everything, and I've never felt worse than I do now. I wish I had never met him, he may have become happier without me.

life doesnt giove you more than you can hadle...but I really cant handle this. I just...cant. for the first time in my life...I honestly and truly want to die. but once again I wont. I cant. v.v

there are no words to describe my pain.

marlon, if your reading this, I love you and will always love you. goodbye.

well maybe it was a lie saying its the first time I've wanted to die...but its been a while since I felt this strongly.

ok. I'll let this thread die. its helped people...but maybe...miss loo is right. maybe I should just let the past go. I wanted it to show people that no matter how much pain you go throug to never give up...some message that was...I have given up. I guess I'm not that strong afterall.

I'm sorry...goodbye.