Oh life...

    • Oh life...

      Hi folks. I'll keep the formalities short. I'm 15, male, sophomore in high school.

      Recently I've been feeling up and down about life. One day I won't worry of what someone might think of me; the next I feel insignificant or worthless. Now then, I wouldn't kill myself; there are some things in life I do enjoy. But all the other stuff is just heck.

      I really don't like my body. Asides from my face which I think is alright, the rest is bleh. I'm pretty tall. but I have very little muscle, fat where there could be muscle, and Im incredibly weak. I figure I brought this on myself having never been into any sports or exercise, opting for the oh-so intense workout of typing and moving a mouse. I've been going to the gym for a month now though, and Im seeing some improvements I guess. But overall I'm still f-ing weak and not good looking.

      I'm also so unconfident and introverted. I hate it. I dont know what the heck it is, but I f-ing suck at socializing. I can't seem to carry a good conversation. I mean what the heck do you say? Like to someone who you've been an acquaintance with for a while but never said anything else besides Hey or the answer to some math problem. I'm what you'd call a ***** too; no backbone. I don't really take a stand, I just get so f-ing down about myself that it sort of makes a continuous loop of attempting to do something then thinking that it doesn't matter. Again, I dont know why the heck I'm so poor in confidence and self-esteem.

      And then, that girl. You know the one. She's BEAUTIFUL (not hot but just downright stunningly gorgeous), friendly, funny, smart, and probably very kind. And yet, at least with me, I'll probably never have a chance with her. I can't even muster up a f-ing "hello", I mean how bloody pathetic is that?! I want to know her more, I want to go out with her. She seems like a truly nice person, and yet I doubt I'll ever have a chance.

      Of course, whats a hurricane of emotions without jealousy or envy? It's those folks who have it made that really get to me. Good lucks, athletic, pretty smart, and very outgoing/social. I'm sure they have their problems as well, but when I see them I don't see some weak coward like me, I see a pretty good person with the inherent "nobodys perfect" flaws. Lucky folks.

      So what the heck to do? I want to feel more confident about my self-image, about myself. I want to be able to talk to "that girl" (I can talk to girls fine, its just that one girl I mentioned). I want to know lots of people. I want to do well in school (I'm perfectly capable of it, but its kind of hard when you're doubting yourself all the time). I want to be the one that others see as a model for life. A leader, not a follower.

      Also, please dont suggest the pop a pill solution. I was on an anti-depressant for 2 years, and while it did work I've been clean for about a year. It's only recently that I've started feeling down. I don't doubt their effectiveness, but I don't want to rely on a chalky object as the source of happiness for the rest of my life. I want to solve my problems through thinking and discussion, not swallowing some Zoloft and calling it a day.

      To anyone who read this: thank you.

    • Re: Oh life...

      ArkAngel47 wrote:

      Hi folks. I'll keep the formalities short. I'm 15, male, sophomore in high school.

      Recently I've been feeling up and down about life. One day I won't worry of what someone might think of me; the next I feel insignificant or worthless. Now then, I wouldn't kill myself; there are some things in life I do enjoy. But all the other stuff is just heck.

      I really don't like my body. Asides from my face which I think is alright, the rest is bleh. I'm pretty tall. but I have very little muscle, fat where there could be muscle, and Im incredibly weak. I figure I brought this on myself having never been into any sports or exercise, opting for the oh-so intense workout of typing and moving a mouse. I've been going to the gym for a month now though, and Im seeing some improvements I guess. But overall I'm still f-ing weak and not good looking.

      I'm also so unconfident and introverted. I hate it. I dont know what the heck it is, but I f-ing suck at socializing. I can't seem to carry a good conversation. I mean what the heck do you say? Like to someone who you've been an acquaintance with for a while but never said anything else besides Hey or the answer to some math problem. I'm what you'd call a ***** too; no backbone. I don't really take a stand, I just get so f-ing down about myself that it sort of makes a continuous loop of attempting to do something then thinking that it doesn't matter. Again, I dont know why the heck I'm so poor in confidence and self-esteem.

      And then, that girl. You know the one. She's BEAUTIFUL (not hot but just downright stunningly gorgeous), friendly, funny, smart, and probably very kind. And yet, at least with me, I'll probably never have a chance with her. I can't even muster up a f-ing "hello", I mean how bloody pathetic is that?! I want to know her more, I want to go out with her. She seems like a truly nice person, and yet I doubt I'll ever have a chance.

      Of course, whats a hurricane of emotions without jealousy or envy? It's those folks who have it made that really get to me. Good lucks, athletic, pretty smart, and very outgoing/social. I'm sure they have their problems as well, but when I see them I don't see some weak coward like me, I see a pretty good person with the inherent "nobodys perfect" flaws. Lucky folks.

      So what the heck to do? I want to feel more confident about my self-image, about myself. I want to be able to talk to "that girl" (I can talk to girls fine, its just that one girl I mentioned). I want to know lots of people. I want to do well in school (I'm perfectly capable of it, but its kind of hard when you're doubting yourself all the time). I want to be the one that others see as a model for life. A leader, not a follower.

      Also, please dont suggest the pop a pill solution. I was on an anti-depressant for 2 years, and while it did work I've been clean for about a year. It's only recently that I've started feeling down. I don't doubt their effectiveness, but I don't want to rely on a chalky object as the source of happiness for the rest of my life. I want to solve my problems through thinking and discussion, not swallowing some Zoloft and calling it a day.

      To anyone who read this: thank you.


      OK, first of all: you may be weak physically and possibly not very good-looking (for all I know I might disagree with you if you posted a photo :wink: ) However one thing you obviously *are* is intelligent; that is an *excellent* place to begin. No matter what your shortcomings, if you have the brains you are all-powerful--so long as you dedicate all those whirring cogs and gears to personal development, to making you life optimal, nothing but a few petty flaws you were born with (which don't matter one fucking bit) can stand in your way.

      Also I completely disagree that you have no backbone. You seem like a courageous person who merely lets anxiety and self-doubt get in the way of doing what is right for you. I don't call that cowardice, I call it perfectly normal human behavior that anybody, if they really want, can get past. What you need to do is break past your fears and *try* something, say to hell with risk, and do it. That includes talking to a girl.

      Nothing will ever ever improve, including your self-image, without action. You need a taste of success to have self-esteem, or even a taste of failure is good. Failure tastes good. It's miles better than nothing.

      I would say much, much more (I identify with you totally; I have been and still partially am totally in the same boat) but really soon I have to leave for a piano lesson, so I'll wrap it up quick: you are not a loser. You are not a wimp. You are just a major scaredy-cat. Get over it and you'll be God. Doubt yourself more and more and you'll just stay in the quagmire you're in now. It's your choice.

      PM me anytime! I'm compassionate for you all the way.

      Cheers,
      Aidan.
      And your very flesh shall be a great poem.
      -Walt Whitman

    • Re: Oh life...

      i feel kind of like that in some ways too, feeling helpless and low and hating yourself..ness.

      but as for not being able to socialize, i think it really boils down to who you feel comfortable with. the people you feel most comfortable with will listen to you talk and they will join right in. it'll feel natural. these are you friends. they have some common interests, some not. if you want to get to know your acquaintances better, try bringing up things in conversation. just saying something that happened or just happened. or ask them how their weekend was or something like that.

      as for feeling weak and unattractive, you're going to the gym. that's pretty good already. yes, you'll get results. it might take another few weeks. and don't be so hard on yourself. why get stuck on comparing yourself to others when you can only look like yourself? i mean, working out is something you can improve, but sticking yourself next to someone else won't help your situation. and that goes the same for feeling good about yourself. you can't be anyone but yourself. you only get this life. you only get this body. why waste time hating yourself for these things?

      you seem like a cool guy. say something. it won't hurt you. people won't start pelting you with rocks (unless you say something incredibly stupid and inappropriate). and the worst that can happen is that people forget about it 2 days later.

    • Re: Oh life...

      I don't know about the rest but here's my girl advice from my own experiences with guys k: some of my guy friends ask me why i go out with a lot of jerks .... truth is, jerks are often the only ones who have the balls to ask out someone that others are intimidated by cause a lot of guys (and you seem to be one) have this whole inferiority complex and are afraid ofbeing rejected. yes, you could be rejected, but it's better then not trying at all. at least you will feel that you did all you could. also, you may be surprised, trust me when i say a lot of popular or pretty girls are sick and tired of dealing with the as.shole guys who are good looking but completely inconsiderate. its a lot better if a guy is genuine and you feel secure with him and you seem really sweet, so give it a shot, you never know. cause in the end a girl wants to be with the one who will not take her for granted, and appreciates her not just for superficial qualities, not the guy who is good on paper but treats her like an object and nothing more. there is no bigger turn off than being objectified and for most girls, no bigger turn on than someone being genuinely caring. and just in general, it's you thinking you're not good enough that is making you "not good enough". the moment you get some confidence, other people will respond to it, i guarantee it. so dont be afraid to put yourself out there and just be confident, even if you dont feel it, act like you do, and eventually youll get encouragement and the pretence will turn into reality.