I need some quick advice

    • I need some quick advice

      Hello, I am a new member. I am posting this to get some good, quick advice on a situation I am currently experiencing. Any advice is appreciated.


      I will try to keep this short, but explanatory. I became friends with a girl last October, she was in 11th Grade while I was in the begining of my Senior year. I was attracted to her, and we became great friends over the span of a month or so. Near the end of November, after talking countless hours on the phone, internet, and at school (we only had one class together), we went on a few dates. We got along great, and really had fun. Eventually we kissed, and we did a lot the next few times we met. Soon after I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she gladly accepted. We were inseperable for awhile. Things went great, we were best friends and dating.

      We were together through November, December, January, February, and through March. On April 1st, we were hanging out doing homework and things together, and she said she needed to talk to me. I had to convince her to talk, and she explained she didn't know if she saw me as anything as her best friend anymore. She said at first she thought I was perfect for her, but then that now she just sees me as her best friend. Caring for her as much as I do, I respected her decision and wasn't immature or a dick about any of it. I took her home, we kissed one more time, and sadly we cried together and hugged each other. I drove home, depressed as fuck.

      After that night, I was too numb to care about anything really. She was the only girl I truly loved. I know people have said this before, but would have done anything for her. I went to my favorite band DevilDriver's concert the following night, and it was one of the best days of my life. I was able to meet the band, and they even gave me their guitar lol. It took the edge off of it all. But in the back of my mind the pain was still there the whole night. After the concert, I was in full "heart break" mode. All I did was think about her and think of ways to make it work. We talked as much as we did before, and she said she had mixed feelings. Eventually she admitted that I was her bestfriend, and she still did like me more then a friend. But she didn't wish to be in a relationship at this time in her life, she had family issues that I know about, but do not wish to post in public. Once again, I respected this decision and we decided to stay good friends, since both of us didn't plan on dating anyone else anytime soon anyways.


      I was still in pain, but we were good friends. We hung out as much as we did before, and talked as much too. The thing is, sometimes when I would say things, she would kiss me. We were not completely sexual in our relationship yet, but we did some things. A few times we even did these things randomely. I enjoyed them, and the kissing, but it made me wish we were together. One day she called me to say she missed me. Those things were great, but in the long run they were like torture. All I wanted was those things with her, as my girlfriend.

      Since then, she will be entering her Senior year in a few short weeks. I am working, and attending a close college next year. She plans on attending a close college after she graduates next year. We still talk everyday, and hang out. Not as much as we used to, but still a lot. Recently there has only been a few instances of random kissing. One of those times was when I told her I still loved her, at a concert we went to of her favorite band.

      I have smoked Marijuana for the past few years, not to be cool, or fit in. I do it because I enjoy the effects, and because it takes some of my stress and depression away. I have been using it heavily since we broke up. I don't see this as a problem, although some may. I know if doesn't take my problems away, but it makes me forget about them for awhile.

      So what I am asking, is what should I do? Should I continue being friends with her, and constantly put myself through torture of wanting her? I really value our friendship, I would not want to lose it. Or should I just get away from her altogether? Should I never give up, because I truly do love her, and wish I could show her some how. It also doesn't help that her past relationships have all been with assholes and they all failed. I wish I could show her ours could be different.

      I am sorry for writing so much, I had to get it all out, and explain it all. Sorry if there are like 1,000 more threads like this, I an new remember. Sorry for any typos.


      Any advice is appreciated, and thanks to the people who took time to read what I took time to write. Thanks, it means a lot to me.
      [SIZE=5]Forever Ends When Everything Becomes Nothing[/SIZE]
    • Re: I need some quick advice

      No problem man, it doesn't matter how long it is or how many other threads there are like this one, it was a good read.

      I have to say, it could be a lot worse, there could be another person in her life she cared for or she could be completely ignoring you. That's not the case though, what I see is the both of you have stuck by each other through everything you've been through, and you've been a great guy to her, you've remained by her side when she needed you, and just to support her. You value your friendship wit her and you respect her, and it's easy to see that's the truth. As a person you put aside your emotions to make her happy, even though they eat you up, I don't know of too many people who would do that.

      For you to respect her choices she's made throughout your friendship and stay by her side, that's quite the feat for you. Honestly and personally I believe you should not give up on someone you love, they're worth every bit of fight you have in your body, even if you have to emotionally struggle every day with mental fights. She hasn't given up on you, there's no reason to give up on her.

      Perhaps you don't want anything bad to happen so your friendship doesn't take a wrong turn, but I don't see that happening for the two of you, you care too much about each other, in the end I can see you always being her friend if she really needs you, even if you don't end up in a relationship.

      I highly doubt you need to show her you love her, I'm pretty sure she knows how you feel about her, especially if you've told her. There's to many facts that proves your emotions for her. Secondly, I'm sure she feels she has a wonderful relationship with you, unlike those in her past, you don't need to question or compare your relationship to those. You've respect her through thick and thin and you truly love her, that puts anything in her past to shame.

      Concerning the thoughts about drugs, that's just you, it's your choice. No one here can tell you it's right or wrong because it's what you feel is okay to do. The only way you should really quit is if you're hurting other people in your life and you see it, like this girl. I can't say that's the case though, so no need to worry about that, just don't get caught up in trouble.

      Basically I feel you should continue this adventure you began with this girl long ago, because I know you believe she's not worth giving up on, stick by her side no matter what. In the end this is just you fighting for what you believe in, and that's always a good thing to do, and to be as loyal as you is a real characteristic some people wish they had, and that's just the truth. Hoping things work out for you, good luck. Keep us updated if anything good happens.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Raylan Givens ().

    • Re: I need some quick advice

      Let me just say that it sounds like you have an awesome best friend that likes you more as a best friend!

      I think that maybe your friend does like you and want to date you but there might be something perventing it. Just keep being yourself and maybe when you both are in college, you never know, just keep a door open for her!
    • Re: I need some quick advice

      Hey, thanks once again to all took time to read all of this, and to the people who replied back.


      EDGE: Your advice is amazing. I thank you, it means so much to me. You really hit the nail on the head. You seem to see things like I do, and you added your own touch to it that I couldn't see on my own, things could be worse, she could be with someone else. Your advice really made me look on more of a positive side. I will keep things updated. It's times like these when people I do not know, show that they care for a stranger...I wish I was surrounded by people like this on a daily basis, it would greatly improve my outlook on life. Once again, thanks man. Also, I love your avatar and signature picture. The Dark Knight is the best movie of 2008, Heath Ledger is fucking amazing in it....words can't describe his performance.


      NEED HELP: Thanks to you also, I see what you are saying. I should feel lucky I have that good of a friend. That is a great thought. And I will always keep a door open for her during college and so on. Thanks man.


      BACON BABY: Thanks to you also. It was hard to express myself that way, but I just did it...something inside of me told me I should, and I know now I do feel better in a way. Thanks man.


      ASSASSIN ROW: I am busy right now, going away. I would be happy to talk to you on AIM when I can. I should be able tommorrow. What is your screen name? You can message me it if you don't want it to be public. Thanks man.



      ***Also, this is sort of a update. I talked to her today and she said it's pointless to talk to each other as much as we do, since we are just friends. It seems like she is pushing me away, but I guess I do call her too much. It's just sometimes I will wish she would call and say she fucked up, and that she is taking me back. It never happens, so I call her and whatnot. So it is understandable.

      Another thing is I randomely was listening to one of my favorite bands, Machine Head, and I heard one of their older songs I hadn't listened to for awhile. The lyrics really reflected on my situation, so I will post them because they listerally hit me in the chest. Here they are:


      Machine Head's "Deafening Silence" off their album "Supercharger."

      She looked right into my eyes and said to me
      that hurt that you try to hide is killing me
      you drink a thousand lies, to freeze the past in time

      I've tried to fill this silence uo
      but now its back again

      See the pain in my eyes
      see the scars deep inside
      my god im down in this hole again
      with the laughter that i smile
      with the tears that i cry
      keep going down this road called life

      she says that im insecure i guess shes right
      cause just when i think im sure alone at night
      the agonies come back this pain wont let me be

      i tried to fill the silence up
      but now its back again

      See the pain in my eyes
      see the scars deep inside
      my god im down in this hole again
      with the laughter that i smile
      with the tears that i cry
      keep going down this road called life
      don't need your sympathy
      i just want for this silence to stop killing me

      Its deafening
      its deafening
      this silence inside me


      I try to fill this silence up
      but now its back again
      its empty like sucicide
      this pain inside

      See the pain in my eyes
      see the scars deep inside
      my god im down in this hole again
      with the laughter that i smile
      with the tears that i cry
      keep going down this road called life
      don't need your sympathy
      i just want for this silence to stop killing me



      Thanks for reading once again. Any more advice is appreciated. Hope all is well.
      [SIZE=5]Forever Ends When Everything Becomes Nothing[/SIZE]
    • Re: I need some quick advice

      Yes, I agree with you. I truly do value our friendship, and I will stay her friend....and I am honestly in pain everyday, every hour....pretty much every minute, and I have been for the last 4 months or so. I'm not one to normally complain, but I mean everything I say.
      [SIZE=5]Forever Ends When Everything Becomes Nothing[/SIZE]
    • Re: I need some quick advice

      I think that it's a great thing that you can still be her friend even if she doesn't want to be your girlfriend anymore.. actually I admire you for this.. not many can do it.

      Anyway.. I don't know how often you call her... but calling too much isn't the best thing to do.. she can feel stressed by this thing.. idk.. maybe she needs a little space.. I don't say that you should get away from her.. just don't be too insistent..:)

      hope things will work out for you..
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