This is eventually going to be a guide to help you learn to keep no secrets within your relationships.


Why keep no secrets? This is a good practice to start, whether you're in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, or just a friendship. The more you slowly open up to the other person, the more they will open up to you, and the closer your friendship becomes:hugs:. This can also save you big time in the future. If a big piece of gossip gets out about you, and you have already told your friends all of your problems/secrets, then, if the gossip is false, your friends will be that much more likely to believe you, and if it happens to be true, your friends already know, so you dont have to face their criticism/rejection. These same benefits apply to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

Who should you tell?

Tell those that you know you can trust, and that take you seriously. if you cant tell them anything without them making wisecracks, then they probably arent ready to hear your secrets.

What should you tell?

Anything that could possibly get you into trouble later, as well as anything you want to. This may seem scary, but its quite a freeing and relieving experience, and it will strengthen any friendships worth having.

How should you tell it?

Firstly, your goal isn't to get it all out as fast as humanly possible. start shallow, and ask them(in your own words, but be clear) if you can trust them, if they will take you seriously, and if they will do their best to not change their views/oppinions about you. make sure you warn them again, before telling them anything possibly alarming:eek:. This actually works quite well over instant messenger(which is surprising, considering that most personal things are best done in person). So far as I can tell, this is because of the relative security(noone can overhear you) and you dont have to look the other person in the face. it also is a bit detached. this is actually a good thing in this situation, because when they see you in person the first thing that pops into their mind wont be your problems and mistakes, but their normal opinions. they will obviously still be aware of your issues, but if you do this right, they will have shared nearly as much with you as you share with them(sharing of this nature tends to have this effect). something you might want to do, should you use the instant messenger method, is come up with an unobvious password, to confirm identity, and security.(you wouldnt want to burst out with some confidential piece of information, to a younger sibling, or while somone else was within reading distance. try to make it discreet, and something easily recognisable to both of you. its best that if somone walked up suddenly you could 'randomly' burst out with it, and the person reading over said persons shoulder would think something along the lines of inside joke:lol:, as opposed to 'intruder alert!':ninja:.

What if it doesnt work?

first of all, you should start with semi shallow information, so as to test the water, and not get burned. IF the person DOES burn you, then it shows that they arent worth having as a friend anyway. ya, its tough, and they may reconcile themselves later, but as of yet, they arent mature enough, or just not worth befriending.

If you have any questions:confused:, feel free to ask. If it wasn't obvious, this is all from personal experience. I hope this helps!

thanks for all the sharing and interesting points of view. anything i missed or i should change maybe?

bump

if they are anywhere near being close friends, then why WOULDNT you trust them?