Parents

    • Parents

      My mum found out that I'm bi because the school rang her and told her. She's really against people being anything apart from straight and she wont even look at me now. Its really annoying. I cant help who I'm attracted to. And i dont think the school should have the right to tell her either.

      Anyone else have this problem with parents disliking it?
      Or the school getting involved?

    • Re: Parents

      Firstly I don't think your school has the right to have done that. When you say they called your mum and told her, what is it that they told her? Had you been caught doing somethingor the like?

      Anyway, it is unlikely for parents to stop loving their children because they find out that they're gay or bi. Give her some time and then try and talk to her about it. Do you have any other family members who may be a bit more sympathetic to you about it? If so I would suggest you talk to them about it as well and ask for their help too.

      Best Regards,
      Tomski
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    • Re: Parents

      Google came up with something about some federal courts ruling it as unlawful because it's breaching privacy rules but thats in the US so I dont know if it applies here. And it only said some courts as well so it doesnt sound like theres a law against it...

      They said something like "Your daughter has been having relationships with people of the same gender at school" which wasnt true because I wasnt actually going out with anyone at the time or previous to that from school who is female. So they hadnt even got the right facts anyway.

      To be honest though, she didnt want children in the first place so she never really treated me the same way as i've seen my friends being treated by their families..

      I dont really have any other family, other than her boyfriend and his son. His son doesnt really care and he's still just the same as before but his dad's really really anti-gay/bi people. He doesnt like me anyway though because my ex was black. He's racist too. It's really annoying.

      It just seems like everything I do is wrong with them and I guess being bi is just another thing to add to their lists.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by FadedOut: spelling mistake xD ().

    • Re: Parents

      In reference to your research, which country do you live in?

      I'm sorry to hear about your family situation. Perhaps if you aren't able to talk to somebody within your family you may have a friend or a member of a friend's family who you can talk about this to? They might be willing to talk to your mother with you.

      It doesn't look like you feel like this, but don't allow them to make you feel bad for who you are. May I also ask how old you are?
      [CENTER]This is a gift it comes with a price
      Who is the lamb and who is the knife
      Midas is king and he holds me so tight
      And turns me to gold in the sunlight       - Florence + The Machine, Rabbit Heart
      I'm not a misanthrope, but I can utterly empathise with them.
      [/CENTER]

    • Re: Parents

      I don't think the school had any right to get involved, it was none of their business.

      How did they find out anyway?

      My mom is like that, I'm sure it'll blow over soon and she'll either forget about it or just try to ignore it. Either way she needs to accept it and you need to sit down and talk to her about it.

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    • Re: Parents

      I live in the UK. I couldnt find much about the UK laws, mainly just US.

      The school did tell my friend's parents about her being bi as well but her parents were much more understanding about the whole thing. But my mum and her parents dont really get on very well. And I dont get on with her dad at all. So that wouldnt work. Most of the people here are generally against people not being straight so it's hard to think of anyone really. I'll try to think of someone though.

      I used to always try to make them care and make them show some sort of affection but i dont care any more. Now i know why she doesnt like me much and i dont really care about it so much.

      I'm 15 but 16 in a couple of weeks. So I dont have long left at school anyway.

      They found out because one of the people who doesnt like me at school decided to shout it out in a lesson. The teacher then told the support teachers and they phoned my mum. I didnt even know until I got home and mum said they'd phoned her.

      My mum will probably ignore it and hope it all goes away :lol: I've tried talking to her but she just changes the subject or pretends not to hear me.

    • Re: Parents

      Okay, firstly as you live in the UK I highly doubt that your school had the right to call your parents. My reasoning for this is that I've been told (by my school nurse) that the school is only able to break your privacy if they believe you are a serious danger to yourself or others. Therefore that possibility is out of the window. My second thought was that maybe they'd caught you doing something against the school's rules but you've confirmed that this negative too. Unfortunately it is unlikely you are able to do anything about it. The best thing to do is to keep going at school until you can leave, don't kick up any uneccessary fusses and take the moral high ground. As you're turning 16 in a few weeks you don't have long to go (and good luck with your GCSEs :)). Are you planning on going to college or entering work when you leave?

      If her and your parents don't get on then it is perhaps a better cause of action for you to talk to your mother without the aid of your friend's parents. I think you need to tell your mother that this is who you are and that she has to accept that it is not going to change. Answer any questions she may ask you. However, I would also be talking to somebody who is more sympathetic to it like your friend's mum in case the talk with your mother doesn't work out too well. Don't get angry with your mother because it won't make anything better.
      [CENTER]This is a gift it comes with a price
      Who is the lamb and who is the knife
      Midas is king and he holds me so tight
      And turns me to gold in the sunlight       - Florence + The Machine, Rabbit Heart
      I'm not a misanthrope, but I can utterly empathise with them.
      [/CENTER]

    • Re: Parents

      FadedOut wrote:

      I live in the UK. I couldnt find much about the UK laws, mainly just US.

      The school did tell my friend's parents about her being bi as well but her parents were much more understanding about the whole thing. But my mum and her parents dont really get on very well. And I dont get on with her dad at all. So that wouldnt work. Most of the people here are generally against people not being straight so it's hard to think of anyone really. I'll try to think of someone though.

      I used to always try to make them care and make them show some sort of affection but i dont care any more. Now i know why she doesnt like me much and i dont really care about it so much.

      I'm 15 but 16 in a couple of weeks. So I dont have long left at school anyway.

      They found out because one of the people who doesnt like me at school decided to shout it out in a lesson. The teacher then told the support teachers and they phoned my mum. I didnt even know until I got home and mum said they'd phoned her.

      My mum will probably ignore it and hope it all goes away :lol: I've tried talking to her but she just changes the subject or pretends not to hear me.

      I'm sorry to hear that, sounds to me like she doesn't know how to be the adult and deal with this :\
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    • Re: Parents

      I didnt think they would have the right to call them either. And i dont think being bi is a serious risk to myself or others so I doubt they did have any real reason for doing it. The only thing I've done is stop people making fun of my friend who is gay. And thats not against the school rules. In fact, it should've been the staff who stopped it, not me and one of my friends having to intervene. I plan to just keep going anyway and just ignore whatever the teachers try to do about it. 5 more months and I can leave anyway. Well.. 5 months until study leave. Thanks. I'm going to go to college, probably get a part-time job as well once I know what hours i have to be at college. But that'll probably be after next Christmas.

      Yeah, I think talking to her without my friends parents probably is best. Answering some questions could just end up making things worse I think but then not answering them could have the same effect I guess. I might talk to my friend's mum but it's hard to talk to her much as her dad hates me. You're right about not getting angry with my mum though. She's not nice if she gets angry so its best just not to get angry or provoke her in any way.

      And yeah, it does seem like she's being childish and doesnt know how to deal with it. I think she may just be trying to keep on the same side as her boyfriend so she doesnt lose him and that means she cant like someone who isnt straight.

    • Re: Parents

      FadedOut wrote:

      I didnt think they would have the right to call them either. And i dont think being bi is a serious risk to myself or others so I doubt they did have any real reason for doing it. The only thing I've done is stop people making fun of my friend who is gay. And thats not against the school rules. In fact, it should've been the staff who stopped it, not me and one of my friends having to intervene. I plan to just keep going anyway and just ignore whatever the teachers try to do about it. 5 more months and I can leave anyway. Well.. 5 months until study leave. Thanks. I'm going to go to college, probably get a part-time job as well once I know what hours i have to be at college. But that'll probably be after next Christmas.

      Yeah, I think talking to her without my friends parents probably is best. Answering some questions could just end up making things worse I think but then not answering them could have the same effect I guess. I might talk to my friend's mum but it's hard to talk to her much as her dad hates me. You're right about not getting angry with my mum though. She's not nice if she gets angry so its best just not to get angry or provoke her in any way.

      And yeah, it does seem like she's being childish and doesnt know how to deal with it. I think she may just be trying to keep on the same side as her boyfriend so she doesnt lose him and that means she cant like someone who isnt straight.

      She shouldn't be choosing her boyfriend over her child. And you shouldn't have to be answering anyone's questions. It's hard to explain what it's like to be bi, just like it's hard to explain what it's like to be gay. I agree with you, the staff should've stopped the bullying that's their job, not yours.

      I would just go on the way you are. Because it's your life not anyone else's and you have to be happy. And not live to make everyone else happy, cause as I'm sure you know you can't please everyone.
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    • Re: Parents

      In the UK... its confidential unless its a major breach of rules, or of the law, or if you are in serious danger to yourself or others.
      if none of the above were the case, then the school broke the law.

      there are some good sites to help you come out properly...
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    • Re: Parents

      My mum would pretty much always choose her boyfriend I think. She always thinks im the one in the wrong and that im the one that should be punished. But i'm used to it now so I guess it doesnt really make much difference.

      I think I will just carry on the way I am because I dont see why I should have to change for others.

      I cant see where I did anything that would count as major breach in the rules or anything illegal so I guess the school just had no right to get involved but i dont see the point in doing much about it now as I dont have long left there anyway.

    • Re: Parents

      I think the posts here have confirmed what I thought about it being illegal. But like I said, i dont see the point in attracting more attention to myself by doing anything about it now as I dont have long left there anyway.

      I hope she does stop caring about whether I'm bisexual or not. Its none of her business to be quite honest.

    • Re: Parents

      i live in the UK aswell, it is illegal for the school to do this because it is a breach of privacy and [FONT=&quot]confidential information.
      About your parents views, your right, it is none of there business and if they dont like the fact that you are then its there problem, not yours. just live your life happly and dont let what your parents think put you off.
      good luck.
      [/FONT]

    • Re: Parents

      who at the school told your mother?
      i know that here in the US, privacy is a grey area in terms of law. If there was a serious, immediate danger to you, then the school has the authority to notify your parents. i doubt that homosexuality of any sort is a clear and present danger. over here though, doctor/patient confidentiality clauses dont apply to you until youre 18. and the school really has a lot of leeway as to what it thinks is necessary to notify your parents. so yeah, it sucks. i suggest that you submit a complaint to your school district about the conduct of the administration, and theres not much you can do beyond that. ive run into this sort of thing a few times... schools can always B.S. their way out of it, but you can't just ignore this.

      and i suggest you talk to someone. a family friend, or some other adult that you know well who is more open-minded than your mother.

    • Re: Parents

      FadedOut wrote:

      Google came up with something about some federal courts ruling it as unlawful because it's breaching privacy rules but thats in the US so I dont know if it applies here. And it only said some courts as well so it doesnt sound like theres a law against it...

      They said something like "Your daughter has been having relationships with people of the same gender at school" which wasnt true because I wasnt actually going out with anyone at the time or previous to that from school who is female. So they hadnt even got the right facts anyway.

      To be honest though, she didnt want children in the first place so she never really treated me the same way as i've seen my friends being treated by their families..

      I dont really have any other family, other than her boyfriend and his son. His son doesnt really care and he's still just the same as before but his dad's really really anti-gay/bi people. He doesnt like me anyway though because my ex was black. He's racist too. It's really annoying.

      It just seems like everything I do is wrong with them and I guess being bi is just another thing to add to their lists.



      In the US, that would be considered unlawful slander, and whoever called your mother could be charged. This is only true if there was no evidence whatsoever to back up their claim. If it were totally untrue you could sue for harrassment and defamation of character. However since it is true, they must have had some evidence. Still, its wrong that they told her, thats a total breech of privicy and you ought to speek with the principal of your school.