Attempt at a love poem (Bear with me)

    • Attempt at a love poem (Bear with me)

      The following is my first attempt at writing a love poem. Enjoy. What ya guys think of it? Its a generally written one, not aimed towards anyone. Posted it on my facebook, I got normal girl replies "ahhhh cat" "I love it" "Awwww Cat, thats sweet"

      Someday, I will,
      If given one chance, on my knees, one breath, I will
      Say how I love you and how I need you.
      Say how when I look into your shimmering eyes, I melt.
      Say how I felt like I have known you and loved you all my life and have missed you, been far away for too long.
      Say how your gleaming hair sparkles and dances in my eyes, every time I look at you.
      Say how I would walk on water for you.
      Shay how given one reason to walk the fire,
      I would for you in a,
      Heartbeat.

      We caught each other’s eye from time to time, but if you could read my mind,
      Baby, not a day goes by, that I don’t think of
      You.

      I knew for a fact that heaven was missing an angel, that moment when I first met and laid eyes on you.
      I wish I could walk through the dense of my mind and replay it everyday.
      See that light that burns right in.
      But we shared a friendship moment one night that will last till the very end, and because of that,
      Every time my thoughts or eyes wandered to another girl, they always came back to you, I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you.

      Every night when I close my eyes, I see a picture of that angel, that I carry in my heart.
      I have a memory of you that I carry in my soul,
      How I wish I could surrender my soul to you.
      I don’t want to fall asleep,
      Because I miss you baby, and the dreams will never
      end.

      That astonishing figure, your notable skills to make anyone smile,
      You strike me as a astonishing, eye catching girl .
      Stop breathing when I see you next.

      The fire goes wild when I speak to you or see you or even your picture.
      I feel you everywhere I go,
      I see your smile, I see your face.

      If only you could read my mind,
      That not a day goes by,
      That I don’t think of you.
      And it still amazing me that I lie here in the dark,
      wondering, if you ever think about me.

      I still can’t grasp the verity that I never told you,
      My emotional state and feelings about you,
      If only you knew.
      Still have a pang of conscience, shame and guilt, knowing
      I never told you.
      For that, I have no reason.
      I want you to know it’s a little messed up,
      that I’m stuck waiting here, at times debating on whenever I should of told you.

      But if this takes away from my sins, and brings what I’m dreaming about,
      It will be like I waited for my whole life for this chance,
      But nothings wrong, just as long as you know that,
      Someday, I will.

      The post was edited 2 times, last by Cat ().

    • Re: Attempt at a love poem (Bear with me)

      Sorry, I personally find it too much. Too many words that don't need to be there etc. it's like it's trying too hard to be poetic, and I find it not poetic at all.

      Sorry, that's just my opinion dude.
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