Help!!!!!

    • Help!!!!!

      (THIS MAY TAKE AWHILE AS IM WRITING OUT THE WHOLE STORY FOR YOU, IM ALSO USING FAKE NAMES FOR MY EVERY1 SO YOU DON'T GET CONFUSED:confused:)

      --hi, okay, i moved to a new school last yr for my last 2 terms at primary school, i made some good friends really quickly, in about my second week there, this guy (John, just for story's stake) started calling me names, my friends always called him names as well and did it whenever they saw him, then 1 of my friends (Jane) told me that another of my friends (Jessica) dated him b4 i came there, i was like okay..., i also thought that he was kinda hot LOL, then in about my 7th week there, Jessica started NOT to call him names and tease him anymore, i was thinking to myself HUH??, then they started to hang out with each other, and i started to develop a crush on him, i didn't know weather Jessica liked him more than a friend or not, then one day in the schoolyard, i couldn't find Jessica and my other friend (Steph) so i sat with Jane, then john came and started lingering around were we were sitting, he started to ask me questions like which school did i move from and questions like that, i also found out a bit about him, then in my last few weeks of school, Jessica, john and me started to hangout with each other, not with Steph and Jane (bcuz we were fighting blah blah blah) and i also found out i have more in common with john then Jessica did, i was starting to think what did john see in Jessica, sure she was pretty and all but she was very childish, did i mention that i was nearly 13, Jessica WAS 13 and john was 14... anywayz,... Jessica and john started to hug each other a lot in public (well behind trees and all that) and i was starting to feel like a third wheel, the only way i could get johns attention was to bring my ipod to school (we love the same band...XD ) then when the end of school came around i found out we were all going to different schools, me and Jessica still talk to each other but she doesn't mention him, i was starting to forget about him, (well not totally, i would still look at his pic), then last night i had a dream about him, we were around 20 or so and i was marrying him, plz help me, i dont no what to do, weather ask Jessica if she could plan a get together or sumthing with the 3 of us, then i could see if she was still interested in him, and vice versa, plzzzzzz, i have a HUGE crush on him, i need help,what should i do..., i think im going mental...........:confused: or already am.....

      --thx
      --Madz

    • Re: Help!!!!!

      Honestly the best approach you can take is just by asking your friend how she feels about him, for one it's going to show you respect her choices and her feelings, not to mention she's going to tell you the truth.

      From there you should be able to decide what you want to do, everything is in your hands. As I previously stated, just be honest with her and ask her.

    • Re: Help!!!!!

      You could originally do as you planned, but if you consider them that good of a friend, there should be trust there. You can't stay bottled up forever, especially if you're going to try and commit to sharing your feelings for another guy.

      As I said previously, if you can open up, it's going to be so much easier on yourself. Eventually you're going to have to, why not start now?

    • Re: Help!!!!!

      Ok, first off ... throw out that dream you had of him. That's just you being delusional over the fact that you're too obsessed with him. You're 13 ... oh wait, you said nearly 13, so you're 12 right now, yes? You have 7-8 years till you're 20, even then hardly anyone gets married around that age (I'm turning 20 later on this year and I'm nowhere near getting married)

      Also, don't think that just because you have more in common with him that would make you a better choice. It boils down to personality. My boyfriend had A LOT in common with his previous crush but they just didn't click. Me and him have a bit in common, but I'm flexible enough to take on new things and there are some thing I'm into he won't touch with a 10 ft pole but we're 2 1/2 years strong.

      Just follow what Edge said, but keep in mind what I pointed out. You're 12 ... you have many years in front of you to meet a new guy
      [CENTER]6/19/06

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    • Re: Help!!!!!

      im not that obsessed with him, i actually went to bed thinking of music :S also like i said it was the last 2 terms of school, so i only knew him for 1 semester, and i only said around 20 cuz i didnt really know how old i was in the dream, it was a pretty weird dream, started out i was on the middle of the road looking at the ocean :S << random, anywayz, i know im only 12, actually 13 in 2 weeks....... nvm that but i just wanted to know what i do from here, im really shy and i cant even talk to the ppl im closest too, and if ur gonna say why dont i be more confident i just cant, ive been shy my whole life thx to those popular preppy snobs who like to tease the uniqe different ones, and the personality part, i want to get to know him better so i can get to know his PERSONALITY better, so thats why im asking if i should contact my friend and ask if we should all get together, but im afraid ill feel like that 3rd wheel again :S .....

      does any1 else have an opinion on my situation???

      --thx for reading
      --Madz

    • Re: Help!!!!!

      Madzter13 wrote:

      im not that obsessed with him, i actually went to bed thinking of music :S also like i said it was the last 2 terms of school, so i only knew him for 1 semester, and i only said around 20 cuz i didnt really know how old i was in the dream, it was a pretty weird dream, started out i was on the middle of the road looking at the ocean :S << random, anywayz, i know im only 12, actually 13 in 2 weeks....... nvm that but i just wanted to know what i do from here, im really shy and i cant even talk to the ppl im closest too, and if ur gonna say why dont i be more confident i just cant, ive been shy my whole life thx to those popular preppy snobs who like to tease the uniqe different ones, and the personality part, i want to get to know him better so i can get to know his PERSONALITY better, so thats why im asking if i should contact my friend and ask if we should all get together, but im afraid ill feel like that 3rd wheel again :S .....

      does any1 else have an opinion on my situation???

      --thx for reading
      --Madz


      Well, in general if there's one guy and two girls, someone's gonna be a 3rd wheel, be it you or her. Personally, if you guys go out together and you feel like a 3rd wheel, it may be a sign that you should stop.

      Also, I used to be really shy too, still am, but it's something you do need to get over and by being shy, it's a victory for those preps. they WANT you to lay low, so they want you to be shy and out of the way. So, you know ... get over it. At least enough to function well because even in relationships it really doesn't help if you're shy
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    • Re: Help!!!!!

      stop what exactly, liking a particular person, i cant just stop liking him, theirs no switch for my feelings you know, anywayz im not at all 2 shy, i stand my ground in particular circumstances (like now for example) whether its online or in real life, and its not like i get called names now, i didn't say that, more like in yr 3 and 5, and by shy i mean like i cant just go up to sum1 and tell them i like them, also by 3rd wheel i mean that my friend (Jessica) always pays attention to him more than she does to me,i have therefore come to the conclusion that im just a bit afraid of rejection, (dont bother asking some incident in yr 6 that didn't go down well) anywayz what you said still doesn't help that i STILL have a situation on on my hands (well in my head :S )

      and rite now im really confused :confused: LOL << typical of me....

      --Madz

    • Re: Help!!!!!

      Madzter13 wrote:

      stop what exactly, liking a particular person, i cant just stop liking him, theirs no switch for my feelings you know, anywayz im not at all 2 shy, i stand my ground in particular circumstances (like now for example) whether its online or in real life, and its not like i get called names now, i didn't say that, more like in yr 3 and 5, and by shy i mean like i cant just go up to sum1 and tell them i like them, also by 3rd wheel i mean that my friend (Jessica) always pays attention to him more than she does to me,i have therefore come to the conclusion that im just a bit afraid of rejection, (dont bother asking some incident in yr 6 that didn't go down well) anywayz what you said still doesn't help that i STILL have a situation on on my hands (well in my head :S )

      and rite now im really confused :confused: LOL << typical of me....

      --Madz


      Yes, I do mean stop liking a person and there IS a switch to stop your feelings, it's called willpower. But, if you're not going to pursue him like she is, it's kind of fruitless, don't you think? That's what's making you a third wheel and if you're afraid of rejection, even more reason why it's pointless. Rejection is a natural part of relationships and at 12 or 13, rejection is NOT easy to handle.
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    • Re: Help!!!!!

      yes, there may be willpower, but my like for him is always going to linger there, and i didnt say she was pursuing him, and i just know that she has a way of contacting him thats why i said those things above, also you should try dealing with rejection at 10 and 11 way harder than it is like a yr or 2 later... also shes the one who makes me feel like a 3rd wheel, she tries to include me but she eventually brings all her attention to him again...:mad:

      any other usless facts you need to tell me, cuz the way i see it ur not helping me at all, ur telling me to stop liking him WHEN I DREAM ABOUT HIM, im sorry but i just dont see ur point ur trying to prove???

      --Madz

    • Re: Help!!!!!

      Madzter13 wrote:

      yes, there may be willpower, but my like for him is always going to linger there, and i didnt say she was pursuing him, and i just know that she has a way of contacting him thats why i said those things above, also you should try dealing with rejection at 10 and 11 way harder than it is like a yr or 2 later... also shes the one who makes me feel like a 3rd wheel, she tries to include me but she eventually brings all her attention to him again...:mad:

      any other usless facts you need to tell me, cuz the way i see it ur not helping me at all, ur telling me to stop liking him WHEN I DREAM ABOUT HIM, im sorry but i just dont see ur point ur trying to prove???

      --Madz


      I don't try to deal with rejection at 10, 11, 12 or 13 because that's too young to even be considering dating.

      Kids these days grow up way too fast. What ever happened to enjoying being a child, that's why I'm saying to stop liking him. You have your teenage life ahead of you and you want to concentrate on one guy? Waste of youth, if you ask me. Wait till your 16 to pursue a real relationship and start dreaming about guys.

      By the way, dreaming about him doesn't mean anything. It just means you're thinking about him too much. If dreams feature someone it usually means they're on your subconscious mind a lot. There's only a little research on dreams though since it's hard to determine what they mean, so really ... it might mean nothing.

      Like I said before, you're not doing anything to stop yourself from being the third wheel. If she's always turning her attention to him, make your presence known. If you're just gonna sit there and concede defeat and let her take all his attention, you're not helping yourself. If all her attention is on him, and he's preoccupied, he's not gonna magically notice you. Usually the only guys that will stop and take attention to the other person is if it's their girlfriend or they like them. I've watched enough guys to know this.

      Also, it's only useless because you're not listening.
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    • Re: Help!!!!!

      im not listening am i, what do you think im reading AND listening to then, a bunch of made up jibberish?? and with the rejection bit at 10 and 11 and all that, i wasn't taking about dating, thats was some personal issues involving friends which is completely off this topic, oh i do make my presence known, believe me i try, maybe its you not listening, half the things i say for example my presence known, you say i haven't made a presence i said nothing about that particular problem, your the one not listening for the truth behind the facts, actually you dont no half the drama thats going on here, i was just asking for ADVICE on what i should do, not some person telling me i should forget about him and try to move on, you dont no half the stuff going on in my head... and i know you mean well, and im sorry, but im not going to forget about him, so excuse me if im just a tad bit rude on my comment back, i just get very defensive in what i believe in, and i just cant shut up, so im gonna stop now and just talk to sum1....

      --Madz

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Madzter13 ().

    • Re: Help!!!!!

      Madzter13 wrote:

      i was just asking for ADVICE on what i should do, not some person telling me i should forget about him and try to move on


      See that bolded bit? I did give you advice, and you're choosing to ignore it. My advice is to move on and forget it. Kids grow up too fast. They rush in to relationships too fast. So what if he's always in your head? That means you're over thinking it. Move on, find someone new, there will be other guys. You're 12. So what if you're gonna be 13 in a few weeks? Doesn't change the fact that you still have a lot of time to find a guy. Like me, I'm 19, still a few months till I turn 20 and I'm still young enough to find me a new one. Only reason why I don't is because I'm happy with my current man ... and there doesn't seem to be an end in view. For the record, I started dating him when I was 16, I did date before and it was a big mistake. Relationships are such a big responnsibility and hard work and even if you're 14 and in high school, you still have school and friends to work with. High school is a time for making friends and really enjoying what's left of being a teenager. Relationships can make it more fun, but it can also make it a lot worse.

      By theway, you can't say I'm not listening if you don't even mention the whole entire thing in the first post. For example, you don't say in your first post that you try to make your presence known. I can only use my Ipod, that's about it. Then later on you say "She tries to include me but all her attention goes back to him anyways" and now you say "I really do try!" Well ... say that in the first post. You're only revealing things as you go along. You're only giving us the basics and from what I've read on the basics I think you should move on. Still think you should move on.

      The other reason why I say this is because whether or not she still likes him, she might've then and most likely he liked her then too. I've never seen them in person so I can't confirm it, but that's how it sounds. If that is the case ,that may be why you're having difficulty getting his attention. So, like I said, follow what Edge said, but keep in mind what I said. It might be different now, but you won't know unless if you see it again. If she monopolizes him again and you can't seem to keep his attention on you, you've pretty much lost.

      Though, I question a three person outing like that. It's very ... questionable since it's very limited in the directions it can go. It's probably better just to ask the girl directly if she likes him. If she does then think of what you wanna do from there. If she doesn't, then feel free to pursue him as you like. And don't be shy about it. That's how people crash and burn, or rather miss an opportunity. I should know. I've bene there, done that. Hell, my boyfriend has also been there, done that.

      Also, I can't stress enough keeping some sort of detachment. You're young, you have a lot of years ahead of you, there's a lot of guys that you will meet, trust me ... in a few years he's not gonna seem like much. Trust me. Been there, done that.

      Kinda random, but I'm very stubborn about my beliefs as well ... hence the reason why I keep replying :3
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    • Re: Help!!!!!

      i know you gave me advice, but its the advice that i dont wanna take, there must be someone ELSE who can give me a different persons opinion, becuz by all the reply's ur giving me ur advice is to forget about it and walk away, i mean, come on, thats not the only advice i can get from someone, oh and btw im a lot more mature than people give me credit for, sure i have the arrogance of a teen, but besides that im pretty mature, and how you said that you dated before was a serious mistake, guess what, im not you, im me, and you dont really no anything about me and what im capable of doing, sure im shy, but im outgoing enough to stand in my beliefs and fight for anything that i truly want, but if that means causing a friendship to break over a boy we both like, id rather take the friendship and im sure she would too, therefore if i do tell her about my feeling for him, she would probably feel bad about herself and keep apologising to me, trust me i know her and that what she would do, so i think it would be a better idea not to tell/ask her anything becuz shes the type of person who feels sorry for themselves if they hurt someone, so you see why i dont tell her my feelings towards him.... so rite now i need other peoples advice beside urs and edges..... although i do appreciate you trying to help and all i just need more options...

      --Madz

    • Re: Help!!!!!

      Madzter13 wrote:

      i know you gave me advice, but its the advice that i dont wanna take, there must be someone ELSE who can give me a different persons opinion, becuz by all the reply's ur giving me ur advice is to forget about it and walk away, i mean, come on, thats not the only advice i can get from someone, oh and btw im a lot more mature than people give me credit for, sure i have the arrogance of a teen, but besides that im pretty mature, and how you said that you dated before was a serious mistake, guess what, im not you, im me, and you dont really no anything about me and what im capable of doing, sure im shy, but im outgoing enough to stand in my beliefs and fight for anything that i truly want, but if that means causing a friendship to break over a boy we both like, id rather take the friendship and im sure she would too, therefore if i do tell her about my feeling for him, she would probably feel bad about herself and keep apologising to me, trust me i know her and that what she would do, so i think it would be a better idea not to tell/ask her anything becuz shes the type of person who feels sorry for themselves if they hurt someone, so you see why i dont tell her my feelings towards him.... so rite now i need other peoples advice beside urs and edges..... although i do appreciate you trying to help and all i just need more options...

      --Madz


      Argh, sorry, I don't mean to be a Grammar Nazi, but I'm a sucker for apostrophe's and paragraphs. It's kinda ... eep, to read this with none of those (block o' text is hard on eyes) But, if read slowly I can follow, it's just a pet peeve :X Pfft, but like I should talk, I'm typing up big paragraphs too.

      I've been there though. I get told a lot that I'm mature for my age. Just cause you're mature for your age doesn't mean you're not gonna make mistakes. Actually, I think the biggest mistake that mature kids do is trying to do things that's too far beyond their age. Relationships are one of them. Even if you're mature, emotionally things don't always connect.

      You're certainly right about us being two different people, but two different people can go through similar situations. It's happened. I mean, I see it some times on here "Hey, I know what that's like" It's feels nostalgic and makes me feel old. Like, you said you dealt with some rejection when you were 10-11 with friends. I did too. The context was most likely VERY different, but the basics are the same.

      Same thing with the whole bit about your friend. I had the same situation with my current boyfriend. I asked my friend and she gave the okay. Actually, she hooked up with my boyfriend's friend a couple months later and the two of us have been going strong with our men since. I still think you should ask your friend whether or not she likes him though, because like you said, you know her best so if anyone knows how to best handle that sort of situation, it'd be you. I mean, it beats asking for the three of you to go out, because if she can pick up on things she'd probably know right away and that can cause some trouble. Even if she doesn't catch on right away, suspicion might occur and you'd have to explain yourself. So, the way I see it, there's not much way to get around telling her.

      But that's me, I prefer being direct rather than going around and causing more anxiety for myself.
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    • Re: Help!!!!!

      ok so your in a different school to him now...so get over him, there must be plenty of new people where you are. it doesn't sound like he was ever into you anymore than a mate sorry & if this jessica is your friend then it wouldn't be very nice to use her to meet this John again.
      i think you need to forget about him & focus on makin new friends, as high school friends are usually the ones who will last forever.
      x

    • Re: Help!!!!!

      drunkenidiot wrote:

      ok so your in a different school to him now...so get over him, there must be plenty of new people where you are. it doesn't sound like he was ever into you anymore than a mate sorry & if this jessica is your friend then it wouldn't be very nice to use her to meet this John again.
      i think you need to forget about him & focus on makin new friends, as high school friends are usually the ones who will last forever.
      x



      LOL, ur the only one to notice he dont go to the same school as me...
      yea i have been thinking that, like make new friends and all that, but the problem is i hardly go to my new school, im behind as it is, and its only the beginning of the yr, dont ask how or why i dont, it all started when i was doing yr 7 at a high school, only went downwards from there, anywayz thx for ur opinion, ill take that into consideration IF my plans are going to fail, my plans are for me to kno and you to find out :P

      --Madz...