okay...so in february my boyfriend died..I loved him more than my own life and i actually mean that...This is the second of my boyfriends to die and im starting to think that im that bad a person.that bad a girlfriend that maybe they are dying to get away from me..

I started self-harming about a year ago, and i dont think i can stop.Sometimes i need it to clear my head..to help me feel some other emotion but pain..it helps me feel relief because when i see the blood pouring from my arms,wrists,legs,torso , anywere really..its like a little bit if all the bad shit ive done and all the crap that ive said goes away...But it always comes back...

For weeks ive been walking around like a zombie, smiling when im ment to smile and not just because i want to smile..Only talking when asked a direct question..I go out with my 'mates' but i contribute nothin and i do my school work, but i cant concentrate so i dont have a clue whats going on there....

Now... My parents have kicked me out..I can stay with my grandfather but i dont think i can stay in this stupid little town anymore..Im leaving in april and dont plan on telling anyone or plan on coming back...Its either that or i leave this life or good, and tbh the world would be better off without me...the paracetemol are only a foot from my bed and its taking all ive got to not take them...But as i type this blood drips onto the kepboard because just reliving my life in this message kills me even more inside

Help me Im so confused on what to do with my life....if this is what you can call a life:confused: