Controlling.& Paranoid. HELP! i want him back

    • Controlling.& Paranoid. HELP! i want him back

      Ok so my boyfriend (Ian) just broke up with me yesterday and this was all after meeting his family and staying at his grams. the night b4 I stayed at his bros gf whos my friend and I told her I teased him on the way there saying what if me you and bri (his bros girl) had a 3some it was only a joke bc believe me I don’t like girls that way and he said ew that’s gross I don’t wanna think about it he knew I was joking but when I told her about it the next day she went and told his bro that I asked if she wanted to have one! and he got mad and talked about Ian and said he was mad at the whole thing which caused him to be upset with me so that’s one reason he ended it (she said he misunderstood what she said but yet she wont tell his bro that so he can apologize to Ian about it so I’m thinking she’s a trouble starter)
      the other reason is he says I’m controlling which I don’t even notice its like yeah I get mad if he talks to other girl like most girls doo and yeah id rather have him home talking to me then at his friends where he barley texts me back. But I mean I don’t say no don’t do it but I let him know I’m upset. then the other thing is about his ex who everyone hates she’s a big druggie who I tried to become friends with and all she did was talk #### on how Ian was when they dated like in a way I didn’t believe it bc she is still in love with him but I still wondered but just like this girls so gross and we all make fun of her so she’s like our main joke which bothers him and iv tried to not bring her up but just today I deleted her # and MySpace so there’s no contact now. Neways after he broke up with me which was on our way to my house to drop me off he hugged me and rubbed my back then when we came in I tried to give him the clothes he left me and he said no keep them and then said that he’s not mad at me or hates me and he still wants to be friends and when he left he gave me a big hug and a little kiss. Then later I asked if he still loved me and he said he didn’t know how to answer that it was too hard of a question and that he was sorry. Then he went on to say that he just needed sometime to think and then we can talk. And I asked if we can try it again later and he said yeah sure. what should I do how should I act when I see him this weekend (bc he has to bring my mp3 player to me and get his hoodie)should I jus not talk to him till then or should I still send goodnight and good morning texts to show I care? how do I get less paranoid and controlling and start trusting more bc I know he loves me its just my ex lied and cheated alot and I was with him for 2yrs. so I still kind of think all guys will be like him..
      HELP PLEASE I WANT HIM BACK!!!!
      Thanks Tori

    • Re: Controlling.& Paranoid. HELP! i want him back

      Well, when he comes back tell him it was a misunderstanding and that you wouldn't have a threesome that your were kidding... if you love him/ like him or want to be with him... you have to learn to trust him more, just because your ex cheated doesn't mean he will. If you can't learn to trust him, you'll lose him forever

    • Re: Controlling.& Paranoid. HELP! i want him back

      what should I do how should I act when I see him this weekend (bc he has to bring my mp3 player to me and get his hoodie)should I jus not talk to him till then or should I still send goodnight and good morning texts to show I care? how do I get less paranoid and controlling and start trusting more bc I know he loves me its just my ex lied and cheated alot and I was with him for 2yrs. so I still kind of think all guys will be like him..


      I have trust issues too, so I know how it feels. Speaking from experience, I can say that it's really hard to trust people because a lot of people tend to hurt us or let us down. But you know what the thing is? If we dwell on the past, we won't even notice what's in front us. Even if you're afraid that history will repeat itself, you shouldn't let the past hold you back from being your best; because you will eventually push the people you love away. Whatever happened in the past, don't let it ruin what you have with Ian right now, know what I mean? This controlling behavior comes from the insecurity you have either with your relationship or with yourself; this is you being insecure. If you want to stop being paranoid, start by coming to terms with your past (which requires you to move on.) If you want to stop being controlling, then you need to learn to loosen up your reins on him and give him his space when he asks for it.

      I can't really tell you how you should act the next time you see him, because how you act will come naturally to you. You might be a little emotional, a little timid, a little awkward even.

      Then he went on to say that he just needed sometime to think and then we can talk.


      If Ian said that he needs some time to think about things, respect his decision and give him that time. The "Good night" and "Good morning" texts are very sweet ideas, but that's not giving him enough room to think about things.

      When he's ready to sit down and have a talk with you, then that's when you should tell him how you feel. If he's reconsidering starting the relationship up again, tell him that you're going to work on being less controlling and less paranoid.
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      The post was edited 1 time, last by armyforthebroken ().

    • Re: Controlling.& Paranoid. HELP! i want him back

      im pretty paranoid aswell, i used to be the most trusting person in the world, seriously, i would trust anyone with anything, but now i dont rely on anyone and i have a hard time trusting anyone after the lad i grew up with stabbed me in the back :D you just gotta forget all that stuff and try and believe.

      im most paranoid when girls are drinking because guys will always take advantage of drunk girls and guys dont care if she has a boyfriend or not usualy. i havent been drunk in like 3 months because im always too busy watching out for my girlfriend (paranoid ey but she doesnt have a good track record when shes drunk.....) im probably goin out on saturday night for the first time in like 5 months without my girlfriend and i still dont get to drink because im driving arrggggg.

    • Re: Controlling.& Paranoid. HELP! i want him back

      If you have trust issues, I would try and work on those along with the controlling part before jumping back into the relationship, He'll think it's going to be another repeat. Being Paranoid is hard I know you think he's maybe cheating or doing something else he's never going to call I've done that it's not fun. If you were to get back into the relationship take it slow.
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