Ranting

    • Ranting

      first of all I feel like a selfish jackass because I haven't been here in like, 2 weeks and then I show up to rant. I'm sorry.

      Second of all: the ranting. Everyone talks about they're phases, depression phases. Well my "phase" is about 1 year long now, so I dunno... It has ups and downs of crourse but those ups are just "distractions" from the real source of the problem, as it always comes back to the beggining.

      I mean, no one knows that I'm like this, except you of course, my anonymous semi-e-"friends". And from time to time I just feel like exploding it out.

      I felt like crying again, and didn't once again lol. I can't remember what it is like, to cry. Don't know if its gonna help or not, in some way.


      My condition (self diagnosed Social Anxiety, can't say for sure) has done its damage: It ultimately made me loose one semester of college (that could be usefull) and still have to pay for it. It made me refuse job interviews (part-time jobs on stores like pan's and company, to make some money) because of the fear of talking to people. I mean, my heart pounds just by receiving a call from an unkown number and the idea of "interview" simply tears me apart.

      And then I look at friends of mine. A foreigner came to my school about 4 years ago and she was all shy and placed aside. Now she as lots of friends and is socially well integrated. Another friend of mine is thinking of buying a car. A fucking car. Like, in the US 16 yos have car's and everything, I would be mentaly smashed by the idea and responsability of buying a car, as simple as it may seem to you.

      And then I end up here where I can write in peace on my computer, without looking someone in the face or even lift my voice. I've been inside the house for about a month now only going out to my 3 times per week swimming sessions. I don't have nothing to do outside, I have no friends to be with, I just have some e-friends I play wow with, how fucking nerdy is that?!

      And then, a HUGE challenge, my birthday. What the fuck am I suposed to do?? My twin brother's gonna take all his friends to the house. And I have completely no idea what to do. I only have one friend. Every other birthdays were celebrated with mine and my brother's class buddies, cuz u know we known them and stuff. And I'm completely seperated. I don't want to stay at my house because it would seem weird to be with ppl I don't know. But probably that's what I'm gonna do because when I don't have a way out for something, I stay at home in front of the computer. Result: weirdness beyond imagination.



      I know, shit coming out of no where, u don't know me and stuff I just felt like talking to someone I didn't know and didn't have to look in the eyes, so feel free to not reply at all cuz its a pretty long text.

      Fuck I'm tired of this
      [RIGHT][SIZE="3"][FONT="Arial Narrow"]My lungs almost burn
      Of being so close and if it wasn't for you
      I'd think myself to be in hell.
      [/FONT][/SIZE]
      [/RIGHT]

    • Re: Ranting

      Hey Rui, it's perfectly fine to rant. It's a great way to relieve stress and get things off your chest.

      Social anxiety can be a pain in the butt, I know. I have a type of social anxiety, too. I can't go to school. I had to switch to homeschooling in the end. But the thing is, no matter how bad things get, you can't give up.

      You have a fear of talking to people face to face. Yes, that's going to be a tough obstacle to get over, but you can do it. Or at least cope enough to get along in life. All you have to do is find a new comfort zone. I would recommend your friend. When you have to go to something like a party, or to talk to multiple people, have your friend come along. That way, they can be your support for you. Then, after you get used to that, you can try talking to people without your friend there.

      Nothing will change if you don't do anything. So you have to get up and change it. The computer is a wonderful thing to people like us who have those social problems, but they are not a replacement for human interaction. Get up, leave the comfort of the computer, and fix your life. You CAN do it, just don't give up.

      The only certain failure is to not try at all. Good luck, and feel free to PM me if you want to talk. =)

      Support Leader,
      ~James
      Need help or just want to talk? PM me. :)
      -------------------------------------------------------
      "It's easy to be nice to people you like. But being nice to people you hate, that's a skill. Do it."