Hey. I just wrote a poem twenty-five minutes ago and am now in the process of posting it up on various teen forums for some feedback.

So yes. I'm new. M'names Dazminee (or well I go by that)

Now, y'see. I have this poem, that I mentioned briefly. I would love it if someone took the time to read it and write something thoughtful, critical, or anything about it. I don't care if you hate it. In fact, if you do, tell me why!

I really want to know if my writing is horrible. This is just a first draft anyway.

thanks a bunch if you are the kind soul willing to help

-------------------------------

Nine-oh-nine

I said goodbye to my baby
around nine-oh-nine this morning.
He wore a checkered blue shirt
with a tie.
And I had, something thrown on like it.

I don't remember all that happened.
The...room was spinning.
My eyes were blurred
as I tried to keep from sinking.
But the tide was winning.

He caught me somehow and held me there
with a...heavy sigh.
Said "what will I do without you"
and left at nine-oh-nine.

...I have no idea if that was criticism or an insult.

When I was writing this, I had a tune stuck in my head, so the word pacing just matched to fit that tune...meaning they turned out more like lyrics. Without knowing the music, it sounds off and horrible. Yeah.

lol Most of my writing doesn't go anywhere. Words come to my mind and I spit them out on paper. But I see what you mean.

---------- Post added at 09:48 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:46 PM ----------



Haha, thank you. I know most aren't going to know the specific context or anything, but they sort of get the idea of the poem (I hope? lol) Depends.